Rincewind (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wizzardly) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2016-03-12 09:26 pm
wizzardly) wrote in maskormenace2016-03-12 09:26 pm
Entry tags:
- anakin skywalker | darth vader,
- † anastasya griffin | the necromancer,
- † carl grimes | n/a,
- † cisco ramon | vibe,
- † commander shepard | blasto,
- † dipper pines | n/a,
- † flynn lambert | walter white junior,
- † francis urquhart | n/a,
- † frederick chilton | chief of staff!!,
- † jeff winger | wingman,
- † kaneda shotaro | n/a,
- † keladry of mindelan | lady knight,
- † khada jhin | n/a,
- † kitty jones | n/a,
- † lapis lazuli | n/a,
- † mabel pines | n/a,
- † megan gwynn | pixie,
- † riku | darkeater,
- † rincewind | n/a,
- † santo vaccarro | rockslide,
- † shinya kogami | n/a,
- † tauriel | n/a,
- † yuri lowell | n/a
Video;
[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]
Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?
This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.
Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.
[a pause.]
...Provided I have not already run away.
[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]
There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -
[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]
Oh bugger - !
Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?
This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.
Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.
[a pause.]
...Provided I have not already run away.
[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]
There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -
[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]
Oh bugger - !
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[Sorry, Rincewind.]
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Do you always just pick out the pieces of things you want to hear? Is it like selective hearing?
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Were you saying something else?
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...Nothing worth listening to, obviously.
Look, I can't stop you from trying to fight it, I wouldn't dream of trying, but I'm not about to give you permission because it's still a bloody terrible idea.
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[Okay, he actually hasn't, but he's totally survived stabbing himself in the chest! It's all good!]
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And anyway, still not the point, other people and property will inevitably get involved is what I've been trying to get at.
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We could always stage it in an open area, with no people around. Or they could have the sense to get out of the way while a brawl is taking place.
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[like he's going to give the madman who wants to fight his Luggage his actual address, c'mon now.]
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[He shrugs.]
I'll manage. What were you doing in North Carolina, in that case?
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Oh, you know. Sightseeing. Getting out, stretching the legs. The Luggage has a lot of them to stretch, after all.
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How exactly did you come to have this Luggage in the first place?
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[But he'll take Rincewind's word for it.]
You don't seem to like it very much. Why not get rid of it?
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...And anyway, it does protect me. [a grudging acknowledgement.] Would you want to give up your only protection, even if it annoyed you half the time?
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I don't need protection.
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