Video;

[wizzardly]

[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]

Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?

This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.

Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.

[a pause.]

...Provided I have not already run away.

[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]

There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -

[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]

Oh bugger - !

Comments

video;

[textualhealing]

You know, I saw a movie once about a chick's box having teeth and eating guys... I can only assume this- [Vague hand waving towards the camera aka Rincewind.] -is all one big euphemism.

video;

[wizzardly]

[processing. processing.]

...There's a movie where a woman owns a Luggage?

[+++Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start+++]

video;

[textualhealing]

[Staaaaare.]

Wrrrrrong kind of box.

video;

[wizzardly]

I'm afraid you've lost me then, if it wasn't obvious. The Luggage is the only man-eating box I've come in contact with lately.

video;

[textualhealing]

Obviously you don't know many women. That's okay, I won't judge.

video;

[wizzardly]

I've known - [well not plenty, which is what he'd been about to say, so:] - enough. It's not really my fault, you know, wizards aren't allowed to be with women. They certainly aren't allowed at the University.

[and, after a moment:]

...Oh, that's what you meant by 'box'. [w e l p.]

video;

[textualhealing]

[Narrowing his eyes. So suspicious.]

Did you just have to look it up?

video;

[wizzardly]

[his ears flush hotly.]

Well - well it's not as though we all come from worlds with the same vocabulary!

video;

[textualhealing]

[Eye roll.]

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that excuse before. Can we just focus on wizards not allowing women into their Universities? I feel like that needs to be touched upon.

video;

[wizzardly]

Women don't become wizards. Why would they go to a wizard's university?

[Rincewind has always missed the causal link here.]

video;

[textualhealing]

Oh, so women aren't as good as you guys, is that what you're saying?!

[Why yes, he's totally channelling his inner Britta just to be as awkward as possible.]

video;

[rathercommon]

[ Cheerfully: ]

Well done Jeff.

video;

[textualhealing]

Did I do good?!

video;

[rathercommon]

You did excellent.

video;

[textualhealing]

Well, you know me, always fighting the good fight for feminism.

video;

[rathercommon]

Replace that always with periodically, and that'll be about right.

video;

[wizzardly]

[gdmit Kitty.]

You know, just because I'm an easy target doesn't mean you've got to encourage every shot.

video;

[rathercommon]

You were being very sexist! So you made yourself a target.

[wizzardly]

What, me? How? I didn't make the University rules, they've been in place for centuries!

[rathercommon]

You're supporting the patriarchal norms.

video;

[wizzardly]

I - no, no, that's not what I was saying at all. It's just the way of things, men being wizards and women being witches, it's -

[super damn flustering is what it is. Rincewind is ill-prepared to handle topics of gender equality. He tries a new tack.]

I've - I've been nearly killed or threatened by enough women to know they're absolutely as good at men, I assure you. Plenty of hands-on experience.

- But not literally! [asskdgl] I would never!

video;

[textualhealing]

It takes being threatened or nearly killed by a woman to realise they're as good as men?! [All the mock outrage!]

video;

[wizzardly]

...

[wait]

...You're doing this on purpose, aren't you.

video;

[textualhealing]

I'd never do something like that. I'm merely standing up for equal rights.

video;

[wizzardly]

Oh yes, practically a saint, you are.