Video;

[wizzardly]

[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]

Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?

This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.

Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.

[a pause.]

...Provided I have not already run away.

[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]

There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -

[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]

Oh bugger - !

Comments

audio;

[wizzardly]

Not in pain or dying, I assure you. I'd consider myself an expert there; a true art critic.

You sound as though you have a suggestion. [he also sounds unsettling and ominous, but that's not something you generally tell someone right off.]

audio;

[fourscores]

You have experience with them?

Not quite. But if the sign is giving you unwanted results then it might be better to find something else, as I imagine demonstrations are out of the question.

audio;

[wizzardly]

More than I'd like.

Ah, yes, that was rather the thought. Although I'm not sure I agree yet that the responsibility should be on me in this scenario. A certain degree of common sense has to come into play at some point.

audio;

[fourscores]

Terribly unfortunate.

Common sense, sadly, is not all that common.

audio;

[wizzardly]

You don't know the half of it.

Think we should change the name? Make it 'rare sense' instead, perhaps?

audio;

[fourscores]

Sounds like quite the tale.

It would certainly be more accurate.

audio;

[wizzardly]

I've come to understand everyone has them here. Tales, that is.

audio;

[fourscores]

Some more worth an audience than others, I'd imagine.

audio;

[wizzardly]

Have you got any worth hearing?

audio;

[fourscores]

I may have a few.

audio;

[wizzardly]

Well, I've got time while the Luggage empties the park of rodents.

audio;

[fourscores]

Not going to stop it from eating all the wildlife?

audio;

[wizzardly]

It's not really something you stop.

[not if you want to keep your basic general shape.]

audio;

[fourscores]

So it eat what it feels like eating and those who attack you? Or did the rodents entice its ire?

audio;

[wizzardly]

More the first part. It enjoys mindless chaos and destruction.

audio;

[fourscores]

That certainly is some magic. You definitely need more than a sign.

audio;

[wizzardly]

I'm open to suggestions.

audio;

[fourscores]

Mmmm, I would say perhaps a video... However that may entice more fools to try and fight it.

audio;

[wizzardly]

True enough. I'm finding myself backed into a corner.

audio;

[fourscores]

Can't leave it somewhere when you want to be social?

audio;

[wizzardly]

I think if I managed I'd end up regretting it. The damn thing does manage to get me out of trouble nearly as often as it puts me in it.

audio;

[fourscores]

I suppose you could try painting it. I doubt it would stop many, but it could stop a few.

Re: audio;

[wizzardly]

I'll see if it lets me.

audio;

[fourscores]

Would it do anything to you?

audio;

[wizzardly]

Keeping me alive has never stopped it from being a bastard before.