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[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

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[rassera]

. . .








THAT'S AWESOME.

[There's probably better responses to this, but this is he only one he can think of...]

If it falls over it'll still land on it's feet!

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[ursawhiner]

It's not a cat, Kaneda!

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[rassera]

I know two asses when I see 'em, Dip.


...Can it do cartwheels like this?

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[ursawhiner]

...When have you looked at two butts at the same time?



Never mind! Cartwheels would probably kill it!

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[rassera]

. . .

[Ken said you were smart Dipper why are you disproving that everytime you run into this kid.]

It's a joke because donk-

[Nevermind.]

Looks pretty capable to me.

[ursawhiner]

We're not going to teach it gymnastics. We just want to know how it eats.

[rassera]

You're missing out on an opportunityyyyy....

[It's a wistful comment, but he ends it there, taking a closer look at this creature.]

If it's got no mouth, maybe it absorbs things.

[ursawhiner]

Like a toad? ...I guess we could try with the bologna.

[rassera]

...What's...bol--


...Bolo-


That word.

[ursawhiner]

Bologna. Sometimes it's called baloney. It's like... processed pork? They make it into a loaf and you slice it. Used in sandwiches and stuff.

[rassera]

A meat...loaf?

[That sounds...AWFUL. And this is coming from the guy who uses energy drinks as milk in cereal.]

[glitterateur]

Yeah! And it's really good at fighting ogres and evil wizards and stuff.

[rassera]

What does it fight with?

Maybe it absorbs power from it's enemies to eat. Like an amoeba.


[NOT EVERYTHING YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN IS AMOEBA-ISH, KANEDA JFC.]

[glitterateur]

It kicks stuff! Mostly you ride it though?

...don't amoebas absorb stuff? Like they just ooze on it and eat it?

[rassera]

Yeah, but that's eating without a mouth, right? Maybe it does the same thing.


Less ooze, though.

[glitterateur]

So... I should rub food on it? To see if it absorbs it?

[rassera]

Yeah, try something free first, like the packets of soy sauce from takeout places, or grass.

[Why is grass second...]

[glitterateur]

What if I cover the grass in soy sauce and ketchup and stuff? That way no matter what it'll get nutrients plus it'll stick better.

[rassera]

All the same once it gets inside anyway, I'd say it's convenient!


[And people thought he was an idiot for eating cereal and energy drinks. Losers.]


If you need the packets, I know a place.

[glitterateur]

[Mabel files away "convenience" as an excuse to combine weird gross food in the future.]

...Kaneda do you have a guy who gets you sauce packets?

[rassera]

I sure do.


Me.

I used to eat takeout alllll the time. I know some pretty good spots in Heropa.

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[deciphered]

It's really hard to keep riding it when that happens.

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[rassera]

[Give him a moment, he's got this.]


See which one of you can stay on the longest. Loser has to touch its butt.

[He's 17.]

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[deciphered]

I think I already lost. But we already checked the bottom one, and I can't reach the top.

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[rassera]

Already lost? It's never too late to win again!