APRIL 20TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2016

THUMBS UP FOR COUNTDOWN
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, with a focus on music websites and publications:
ImPort singer and occasional diplomat Count Dooku recently announced a new direction for his government-assigned symphonic metal band. 'Sulfur Mustard' will now be known as Countdown, and has launched a new album by the same name, which has provoked controversy among commentators who perceive radical anti-government messages lurking in its lyrics.

The 'Countdown' album is advertised as a musical saga paying tribute to the historical imPort heroes who helped reform the United States 'police state' regime in the late 1980s. Yet according to many in the mainstream media, this is mere pretense for messages promoting illegal vigilantism, resistance to authority, and opposition to the Cold War.

"This so-called 'music' is an outrage against American values," according to a statement released by the influential media advocacy group Manifest for Moral Magnitude or Triple-M. "Our citizens- our children- should not be exposed to songs that undermine their patriotism and promote disorder against the government. Our nation is at war- our homes were invaded. The last thing we need now is self-righteous imPort celebrities like Count Dooku undermining the people who protect us by stirring up old issues and spreading distrust. We call for opposition to this un-American music and the companies that promote it, and for real citizens of this country to heap shame upon 'Countdown.'

When approached for comment on the controversy, Count Dooku stated that he prefers to let his group's art speak for itself, and that Countdown will continue to pursue its own style of music and politics- regardless of any outside pressures which may be brought to bear. Countdown will be performing live within the four Porter cities throughout the spring season. Initial ticket and album sales have been notably sluggish in reaction to media backlash against this subversive song-slinging.

AND EVEN SECOND BREAKFAST
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a potato.

It can be for breakfast sometimes.

IN THE NICK OF TIME
As viewed upon BlueTube, the original content entitled 'ORIGINAL RUNNING LATE MAN VIDEO!', with memetic output on Rumblr:
The Running-Late Man: Unmasked!

After the talented Nick made himself known in the Artist Alley of FanPort and communes with the locals, a niche yet growingly popular gag meme on ImPort devoted blogs take up the help of social media frenzy Running-Late Man -- the man whose powers are greatest when he's five minutes behind schedule!

The meme started a few weeks back when someone caught a (shaky) shot of Phoenix Wright jumping a high fence on a bicycle with a piece of toast clenched between his teeth, and then quickly spiraled out of control (as most internet running gags do). Since no one knows his name, he's simply been called Running-Late Man up until now, and with him showing up at FanPort, he's going to cause a surge of Running-Late Man fanwork on people's dashes.

Running-Late Man has already ignited a furious shipping following with an imPort nicknamed The Caped Cravat, believed to be Miles Edgeworth. Surely, surely there will be more ships to set sail! But maybe not in a timely manner.

BEETLE V GREEN LANTERN: DAWN OF HOT HUNKY FANFIC
As seen on BlueTube:
If you venture into BlueTube, you might find a collection of a shaky, distant videos of select portions of the fight.

Green 'If there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty' Lantern fought Blue 'This bat lantern vigilante has been consistently targeting me' Beetle in an epic and costumed fisticuff session. Heroes! In tights! Beating each other up!

There you can see some damage on the streets along with Heropa 012 being almost entirely demolished and minor damage to 014. No casualties are noted -- Green Lantern successfully lead the fight to a more remote area. Given the general good will that Green Lantern and Blue Beetle (ALL OF THEM OKAY) inspire, this will probably set off a firestorm of conspiracies.

Neither of them can be found later to comment.

HE'S BEDEVILED YOUR HEARTS
As seen on BlueTube and thoroughly discussed on Bwitter:
Lucifer was reported to have crashed a handful of other imPorts panels, most notable emerging from backstage during Jeff Winger's panel LAWYER AT LARGE: IMPORTS' IMPACT, INVOLVEMENT, AND INFLUENCE ON TV & MEDIA and kissing formerly thought to be heterosexual Mr. Winger full on the mouth in front of his adoring fans. Later Lucifer appeared in the crowd during the final moments of LEAVE ME ALONE & DON'T TOUCH MY LUGGAGE and had, as reported by a totally unbiased fan, "a steaming moment" with the wizard Rincewind under the noses of adoring fans.

TAKE NOTE THAT both things, and Lucifer's heckling at other panels, are hitting social media, and while there are plenty of different angles of video on BlueTube covering Jeffifer's snog, what really happened between Rincewind and Lucifer has become a game of whispers on Bwitter, with people claiming to be there and suggesting a variety of different ridiculous things happened, #rincifer #godshonesttruth--Lucifer took him in his arms and flew away with him, Rincewind summoned an army of skeleton-corpses to protect him, and then flew away on a broomstick, etc. An upswing in fanfiction has resulted from both incidents, as well, with Rincifer tending toward the darker of the two.

HOT NEW FANG
As seen on news stands and in the online publication content:
The latest edition of the fashion magazine Chic includes an exclusive interview with imPort designer Kanaya Maryam, and in time for the release of her new clothing line. She talks about being a new mother, living among humans, and laughing off continued rumors of a vampire army, but the heart of the interview is still about fashion.

In talking about her design philosophy, she said, "I've never seen fashion as about following trends, or wearing what the industry decrees as popular. I encounter that opinion often, mostly from outsiders, and I understand where it comes from. But, for me ... it's a compromise between the vision of the designer and the client's. If you don't look and feel good when wearing something with my name on it, I haven't done my job."

As pieces have begun appearing in boutiques throughout the eastern seaboard, Maryam Designs has quickly become the talk of the fashion world, especially as imPort fervor hits the industry. Maryam has plans to expand her studio, hoping to bring her designs nationwide. Her studio can be contacted for further information.

THE KING OF CROON
As seen on BlueTube and spread over Rumblr:
An anonymous person recently uploaded a song by imPort heartthrob Manolo Sanchez entitled "I Love You Too Much" onto the internet. Thanks in part to the imPort fever surrounding this month's convention, the track quickly went viral, reaching over 5 million plays within a matter of days. Sanchez's passionate love ballad has clearly struck a chord with listeners across the nation, inspiring several people to upload videos of the guitarist's performances in various cafes throughout Heropa, Nonah and Maurtia Falls. It has also reignited interest surrounding his unexpected song for the Mexican government back in January. Rumor has it "I Love You Too Much" is part of a larger concept album, and a growing number of fans on Rumblr and other imPort-focused fan communities are hungry for more.

POTTY MOUTH OF WORD
As seen on Bwitter, and then inexplicably national news:
Regional real estate troll Ronald Chump has made headlines, somehow. As of 12:38AM on Thursday morning, he has been posting mean "beets" and memes on social networking site Bwitter -- and all about imPorts.

Some of the sampling:

12:38AM
Dooku? More like Dookey -- like his music!
12:45AM
What has Fartley Rathaway been tootin' about?
12:56AM
DiarrMaria's popularity in the toilet again.
1:05AM
What kind of pervert names their kid Dipper? Dipper, I hardly know her
1:10AM
Tony Stark Naked -- no one needs to see that!

And so forth. With hours worth of inane content, if you take a look you might see your own name.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to BWITTER BLUE because of CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, AMERICA!!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[wizzardly]

It was implied.

Much the same as these stories often imply there's a reason you need such a padded chair in your office.

[slightlyoffchilt]

That is not the position I am accustomed to!

[wizzardly]

Perhaps we better quit while we're ahead then, hm?

[wizzardly]

Or at least not beneath.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You're so pleased with yourself, aren't you? Let me inquire, then, have you ever encountered one piece of fiction where you were not beholden to Lucifer? Prostrating yourself before him?

[wizzardly]

I might ask you the same, you know.

[also: Too Soon.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Mine isn't historical fiction.

[wizzardly]

[why couldn't you just let him have this victory, Chilton, it was therapeutic.]

I suppose that depends on your definition of history.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Because Chilton is such a jerk, that's why!]

I'm not working the revisionist angle here. Unless the -- admittedly -- circumstantial evidence is wrong? I'd be happy to hear your side of things.

[wizzardly]

Then it's going to happen somewhere I can drink.

...And you can pay for it.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I would be happy to pay for your drink, Rincewind. You need something to wash down the taste, I've no doubt.

[wizzardly]

[NOT. HELPING.]

Right, and just for that I think I'll need three.

...But I'm also living in Heropa now, so at least there's no need to mess with the Porter. I'll send the bar name shortly.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I think we might need to enroll you in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'll be standing by.

[wizzardly]

I wouldn't drink so much if life didn't keep giving me so many things to drink over.

See you soon.

action;

[slightlyoffchilt]

[There was no doubt that Chilton met at the suggested place on the dot. He ushered in a sharp appearance, armed with punctuality, and a grim expression on his face.

In his briefcase he brought with him an arsonist's heartthrob of fanfiction dedicated to Rincewind. Just in case.]

action;

[wizzardly]

[Rincewnd has definitely noticed an uptick in recognition since FanPort. Less people assume he's some strange man with poor taste in Ren Faire costuming, for example, and tonight when he arrives a little early a man even buys him his first drink. Rincewind's not much for vodka martinis, but he's even less for turning down free alcohol, so such is what Chilton will find him nursing at the marble bartop. It's a nice place; the wizard stands out.

So does the Luggage, nestled innocently at his feet.]

Well... [he says by way of greeting, eyes flicking over briefly to his psychiatrist] ...you were right he didn't want to kill me.

Is the bar all right, or would you prefer a booth?

action;

[slightlyoffchilt]

The bar is fine. I doubt anyone would be inclined to both us. [Said Chilton, with a fleeting glance flicked Luggage's way. He set down his briefcase at the empty bar stool on his unoccupied side, lest Luggage get the brilliant idea to eat it.]

So what did he want to do with you? How bad in the damage?

[Chilton had an idea, of course, given how eagerly Lucifer had wanted to recruit his own talents. The devil was something of a collector.]

Old Fashioned on the rocks, thanks.

[An order to the tender without so much as a smile.]

[wizzardly]

[probably a smart move on Chilton's part.]

I'm not sure yet, to be honest. [Rincewind shrugs, watching as the bartender goes about muddling the fruit for Chilton's drink.] For now I think just to make it clear I'm being managed. He called me, you know, when I was in Arizona. He's not one to mince words, you have to give that to him.

[and whatever else he asks for, probably.

He pauses as the highball glass is set in front of Chilton, waits until their lovely bartender is out of earshot again.]

...And I quote: "You fucked me, and now you're mine." So. Whatever that means. [he takes a sip.] I don't suppose you've a way to go back in time, in that briefcase of yours?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh. [Chilton arched an eyebrow, quickly adopting a skeptical look so as not to utterly freak Rincewind out with a jostled one.] No. I've only got glimpses into the future in here. [He said with a pat to his briefcase. To be quite clear, Lucifer's own words were taken far more literally in the context of those contents.]

Has he... Marked you?

[That had been part of the deal, in Chilton's own interaction with Lucifer. One of the many things that had given the doctor pause.]

[wizzardly]

Those you can keep then, I'm sure. [he sniffs, then polishes off the rest of his martini with a shudder - he'd rather get to a better drink.] Invariably it'll involve screaming; my future always seems to.

[out of the mouths of wizards?]

No. [is this the truth? A lie?? Stay tuned, loyal viewers!] What would be the point, after all, when I can remove them?

[Rincewind musters a half-smile and wiggles his fingers at the good doctor.]

...That bit you were telling me before, about him not being able to teleport to you - you really aren't sure why that is?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh, yes, that's true. [He spoke nearly into his own drink, his eyes still on Rincewind.] There is a lot of screaming involved.

But it is interesting that he wouldn't mark you. [There was that skepticism.] Usually he likes exhibitions of obedience. The fact that you can remove them is all the more symbolic.

[But as Rincewind asked his question, Chilton lost the suspicion. He nodded, gravely, frowning.]

I'm not yet sure. I had -- spoken to him about it. Some time ago. Buying a little good will, you know.

[wizzardly]

[speaking of skeptical, Chilton's briefcase is getting another quick, flinty look. He might not be able to see the man's mouth, but they've spoken enough now that the wizard is developing a sense for which of his doctor's tones are hiding cheek.

But he's also happy to move the topic along - nothing about his dealings with Lucifer, conversationally or otherwise, inspires Rincewind to linger.]

Did it? Buy you good will, I mean. And that's really very odd. It's magic, you know, how he does it. Proper magic even, which means that really only other magics should be able to counter it. For you to be immune, I've got to wonder if it means you've got someone looking out for you. Someone who's cast a spell of their own about you, something to sort of - remove you from the magical map, as it were. Are you close with anyone who can do magic?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I know that Raina had arranged for Sabriel to ward our house -- whatever that means.

[Ward. Really. The cynicism curled on his tongue.]

Which might explain why he cannot follow Raina into our bedroom, but otherwise does not explain me.

[wizzardly]

That was smart of her. [absolutely serious.] If Miles had taken my advice and done the same for the hospital, I wouldn't be in this mess.

[Rincewind furrows his brow, giving Chilton a long and thorough look-over.]

...I can't see any magical residue, or a sigil of any sort. It's possible, I suppose, that someone cursed Lucifer to be unable to find you, but honestly that someone could be capable of that is the scarier thought.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You're looking at me?

[He said, somewhat loudly. That earned a few glances from nearby patrons already furrowed in their own drinks.]

I mean -- I suppose. [A beat.] Could it have been... Himself? Who did? [Another beat.] What I mean to say is that this Lucifer, this embodiment of Lucifer, he has been here before. And he doesn't remember.

And I was in... Significant conversation with Lucifer the First.