006 | voice

[textualhealing]

I’m going to be honest with you here network, I’ve been avoiding you.

It’s not you, it’s me. I just needed some time apart from all the self-congratulating, needy social media bullcrap that this network breeds. I mean, it’s no Rumblr, but sometimes it comes a close second.

Pro tip: if it’s not about me I’m just not interested. [Hopefully that’s a joke, but there’s a big possibility it isn’t.]

But I’m here to extend the olive branch of apology for depriving you of my company for a long ass amount of time, and also remind you that the second season of my show finished airing not so long ago, so buy that shit when it’s on DVD so I can get your money. Or… a very small percentage of it.

[Best salesman ever.]

Comments

video;

[textualhealing]

So hipster.

video;

[brushoff]

It's new and it's popular. I like new and popular. Ergo, we're going there.

video;

[textualhealing]

Fine. [Reluctant, but we all know Jeff is the biggest hipster of all.] Dress code?

video;

[brushoff]

The dress code is if you wear a t-shirt, I'll disown you.

video;

[textualhealing]

No shirt? Got it.

video;

[brushoff]

Here's hoping you haven't neglected your abs for all those suits you wear.

video;

[textualhealing]

These abs get nothing but attention, four days a week. If you went to the gym, you'd know that.

video;

[brushoff]

Immortality, bitches! I don't need to go to the gym, I literally wake up like this.

video;

[textualhealing]

Which is exactly why you need to go to the gym. You look like you'd snap in a moderate gust.

video;

[brushoff]

I'm lithe. Besides, I don't think muscles would stick anyway. Fat doesn't, so why would muscles?

Re: video;

[textualhealing]

Scrawny for eternity? Ouch. But that's okay, you can just come watch me flex my muscles.

video;

[brushoff]

Again, not scrawny, I'm lithe! There's a world of difference. Orphans are scrawny.

video;

[textualhealing]

I didn't know you were an orphan!

video;

[brushoff]

Well I am, but that's beside the point. The point is, scrawny is underfed. Lithe is the sort of skinny that's fashionable, the skinny that doesn't scream 'Oliver Twist' or diseased.

You're a lawyer, you should know the importance of word choice!

video;

[textualhealing]

I dunno, you do look kind of underfed though...

video;

[brushoff]

Says the person who's balding.

video;

[textualhealing]

Apart from the fact I am definitely not.

video;

[brushoff]

Don't worry, it happens to men your age!

video;

[textualhealing]

Oh, screw you. I'm thirty-five, that's not even close to balding age.

video;

[brushoff]

You're saying you're thirty-five now?

video;

[textualhealing]

Obviously.

video;

[brushoff]

Considering I've lied about my actual age plenty of times, I suppose I can't judge you for doing so yourself.

video;

[textualhealing]

Alright, fine, smart ass. How old do you think I am, if not thirty five?!

video;

[brushoff]

Easily early forties!

video;

[textualhealing]

EASILY?!