maskormenace

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I'VE BEEN HERE FOR ABOUT A WEEK NOW, AND HONESTLY I WAS RIGHT CONFUSED ABOUT THIS WHOLE "AMERICA" THING UP UNTIL LAST NIGHT. TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT, I ATE A BURGER OFF A SHOVEL AND HAD THE SHORTEST FISTFIGHT OF MY LIFE WITH A GUY WHO HAD A BIG ISSUE WITH THE FACT I HAD NO IDEA THIS COUNTRY EXISTED UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO. IT TURNS OUT AMERICANS DON'T LIKE 6FT TALL BATS. IT WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTING. ANYWAY, DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA? THE SCAMPS I'M SUPPOSED TO TEACH HOW TO SWIM WANT TO MAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THEIR GROUP AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL ANY OF THEM ARE TALKING ABOUT. IS IT SOME KIND OF DEXNAV THING??

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

HOENN I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY IN AMERICA AT ALL. PART OF WHY IT'S TERRIBLE.

SORRY, DUDE
IDK WHAT THAT IS
BUT IF IT HELPS I AM REALLY BAD AT GEOGRAPHY

[ while barry may know some stuff about pokemon, he unfortunately doesn't know everything. ]

WHY'S IT TERRIBLE?

IT'S ONE OF THE REGIONS. NEAR JOHTO?

[you gotta play some more video games son]

MY FRIENDS AREN'T HERE, THERE'S NO POKECENTRES OR MARTS, I CAN'T FIND ANY PROPER FOOD FOR CROBAT AND SHARPEDO SO I DON'T KNOW IF WHAT I'M FEEDING THEM IS GOOD FOR THEM AND ALSO BURGERS ON SHOVELS.

[ he'll try!!! ]

I REALIZE YOU MAY HAVE ANSWERED THIS A THOUSAND TIMES OVER TO EVERYONE ELSE
BUT A BURGER ON A SHOVEL

HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

I'VE BEEN TOLD IT WAS... "HIPSTERS."

D: NOT THE HIPSTERS!!!

WAS THE SHOVEL AT LEAST CLEAN?

WELL, YEAH. IT'S A NICHE. I CAN'T IMAGINE IT WOULD LAST LONG IF THEY USED SHOVELS THEY JUST PULLED OUT THE GARDEN.

WAIT WAIT WAIT
ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE SHOVEL WASN'T BEING USED AS A SHOVEL BUT AS A PLATE
/ON PURPOSE/????

YEP. I'LL SHOW YOU A PICTURE. image.png

I'M WONDERING: DO I NEED TO TRY IT BEFORE I KNOCK IT? OR AM I TOTALLY IN THE RIGHT TO POINT OUT THE FACT THAT THEY COULD'VE GIVEN YOU A BIGGER SHOVEL?
YOU MIGHT NEED TO GO BACK FOR A REFUND, YOU DIDN'T GET THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE DUDE

OWNER SAID IF I GO BACK HE'LL CALL THE COPS.

[ there's a noticeable lack of response, lasting for a whole sixty seconds. ]

DUDE
WHAT DID YOU DO???

TELL ME /EVERYTHING/

LONG STORY SHORT, IT TURNS OUT IF I GET DRUNK ENOUGH I THINK I'M A BETTER THEIF THAN I ACTUALLY AM. WHICH IS, NOT GOOD AT ALL. BECAUSE USUALLY I DON'T STEAL THINGS.

WHEN YOU WERE A TEMPORARY THIEF, WERE YOU A GOOD ONE?
OR WAS THE SHOVEL PLATE A SIGN YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP YOUR DAY JOB?

I STOLE A SUB.

SUB AS IN SUBWAY SANDWICH OR SUBMARINE OR SUBSTITUTE ... SOMETHING

BECAUSE ONE OF THEM IS AWESOME, THE OTHER LAME, AND ANOTHER I'M KIND OF CRAVING RN

SUBMARINE.

DUDE!!!!!

IS IT HERE???

NO. IT'S TO BE RETURNED TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNER.

[archie is the worst pirate.]

[ dude, why are you doing this to him? ]

WHY'D YOU STEAL IT IF YOU'RE GOING TO RETURN IT?

HOW DID YOU STEAL IT?

WASN'T GOING TO ORIGINALLY. WE JUST WALKED IN AND TOOK IT?

YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A SUBMARINE?

HELL YEAH I DO.

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE COOLEST PERSON ON THIS EARTH.

WOULD IT BE IN TOTALLY BAD TASTE IF I ASKED TO GET A RIDE IN THIS SUB BEFORE YOU GIVE IT BACK? OR IS THAT BAD MANNERS?