003 | Video

[herrstory]

[ Here is a bored looking German man, sitting in an official looking office. For those familiar, they might realize it is Dr. Chilton's office. But hey -- Herr Starr needed a place that looks like it gives him some authority and this is the best he can do. ]

I have been here for one ambassadorial election. I have seen the way the network gets flooded with campaign posts and promises. Promises that are likely built upon political lies, meant to cater to the naivety of the masses. Or perhaps promises made from foolish people who believe they can truly make a difference when it comes to bridging the gap between imPorts and natives. As though we are not parasites who leech onto their world and take up resources that could be going to those more in need. None of these ambassadors will step out of their government given homes and instead give it to the man in the back alley who gives handies for a quarter simply so he could buy a box of terrible wine.

[ A weighted pause. ]

But I have brought home such a man. And I found the experience to be enlightening. After a lengthy conversation over his terrible boxed wine, he told me imPorts were the cause of his homeless state. His wife, his children -- dead in some imPort caused calamity. His home tragically destroyed. And I said to him, the world does not have to be that way. The Messiah is here.

Now. I am not this Messiah. But as it had been my job back home, I shall clear the path for him to make a better, cleaner world. And until the time he is ready, I am willing to step forward and do what it takes to give him better opportunities. This is why I am running for Nonah Ambassador. I am not a politician. I despise politicians. So should you elect me, I can promise you I will be honest. Brutally so. But I will never disillusion you with promises I do not plan on keeping. I will do what it takes to ensure good prevails in the community. And I will not shame you. No matter who you are or what your kink happens to be.

[ This is spoken with a somber expression. Starr is absolutely serious when he says no kinkshaming. ]

Furthermore. I know what it takes to bring a community together. If you look at Exhibit A, you will see my first network post united the imPort community at large over the one thing we can all agree upon and what I am positive the native community wants to see from us as well.

[ He stares intensely into the camera. What may have been a decent bid for ambassador is now completely ruined by his final statement. ]

Nude photographs.

Comments

( text ) 1/?

[fettering]

what no

[fettering]

wait

[fettering]

youre running for ambassador??
when did you decide this

[fettering]

is this bc of what i said at the beach???

[fettering]

wait
what do kinks have to do with being ambassador??

done ig.....

[fettering]

i dont think nude photos are the answer

[crimeboy]

Hi this is a really terrible thing that you've made me see and hear.

I think we're super beyond the capabilities of any Messiah at this point

[herrstory]

So you would rather accept the world as it is?

[beyourzoomer]

Huh. You hate politicians but you sound just like a typical one. [Also? Ew.]

[herrstory]

What sort of politicians are you used to if I sound like one of them?

[ Because if there's a world where politicians advocate dick pics, he wants to go there! ]

[voice]

[carbonfrozen]

...what do kinks and nudes have to do with politics?

[voice]

[herrstory]

Nothing. This is why I am superior to typical politicians.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Why the hell are you in my office? That door was locked!

[herrstory]

Your office is clean and tasteful. It serves as the perfect backdrop for my message.

[canonized_demon]

You're fuckin' kidding me right? You want people to send you nudes...so you can be a better Ambassador?

I think you're fucked in the head omae.

[herrstory]

First of all, what is 'omae.'

Second of all, I did not say they have to send nudes to me this time around. I advocate them sending them to each other.

In a public venue.

Where anyone 18+ can see.

[Action]

[generalgrievous]

[Grievous has not paid much attention to the recent politics. They did not interest him much at the best of times - but he had also been very distracted by Dooku's failed raid (yet another imPort caused calamity) and all the subsequent arrests. Jail time was waived in an agreement for strict probation for two months but Grievous was begrudging about this meeting and went to it with a highly moody attitude. Finding the appointed place, he knocked sharply on the door to find his probation officer. He appeared in human form, his transformation powers temporarily nullified due to the extra danger he posed as a cyborg.]

[herrstory]

[ Starr opens the door, looking over Grievous. They had met before, but he was far less....human during that meeting. No matter, Starr moves aside so Grievous could enter. ]

So it seems you have been a bad boy.

[ He begins like this is a bad porno. At least he's not making a move to take off any of his clothes, though. ]

video;

[hardboyled]

But who is the Messiah?

video;

[herrstory]

He will reveal himself when he is ready. Right now, he's adjusting to being in the real world and needs time to step into his role.

[herrstory]

It is. I thought it added an official touch. It was either this or make my address in a strip club.

voice.

[functusofficio]

I do not believe I would say your desire for nude photographs brought the population together.

[ A little dry. ]

What is it you plan to do to ensure good prevails in the community?

voice.

[herrstory]

[ !!!! The rival for Josh's affection! ]

Well, I do have Exhibit B whereupon I marry two different species of canine to one another, if you find that a more preferable example.

[ A pause. ]

But as for my goals, Nonah would become the home of a base camp for an imPort military. Those who want to fight for justice or for this country would be given the opportunity to do so here -- to learn the necessary skills. I have many years of military experience and would be the best suited to train them properly in this endeavor. I would also advocate the creation of churches so that people may have a peaceful environment in which to gather and learn. There would be a zero tolerance policy for murdering innocent individuals on the streets, whether those murderers are imPorts or not.

video;

[bespin]

If you and Doom are my competition, I'm beginning to like my chances in this election.

[ Not that he doesn't appreciate nude photos as much as the next guy, but he at least knows they have a time and place. ]

video;

[herrstory]

And what do you mean by that remark? Simply because you are an attractive man and probably well-endowed does not mean you will automatically win.

[ A pause, conceding. ]

Although with those attributes, your chances are probably very good...

Video

[exceptionalthief]

So basically, you're running on a platform of 'What Nonah needs is more nudity and a messiah.'

[It's certainly attention-getting, he'll give you that.]

But will we see nude photos of the messiah? That's the real question here.

Video

[herrstory]

You will not see nude photographs of the Messiah. It is blasphemous to even imagine the Messiah in lascivious manner. He is not here to bless the city with his divining rod.

Video

[articulations]

And the point of this is..? There is no point, if you despise politics that much. Seems you're just wasting everyone's time.

Video

[herrstory]

Then it seems the point went entirely over your head. I am here to be the change to the system. I cannot be the only one in this community who feels the same way about politics.

text; network ID is just a moon emoji 🌙︎

[dragony]

Ew?

Ew.

text;

[herrstory]

Ew, what? You will have to give a bit more context.

voice

[halfblaked]

Are...

Are you running for office? [ He sounds completely, and utterly, perplexed. ]

voice

[herrstory]

I am. Will I be able to count on your vote?

[youresovein]

Well, it isn't bad, as speeches go — personal yet elusively nonspecific, inspirational, though to what end I couldn't say — and you do seem to have your finger on the pulse of the community. But Exhibit A would imply an Exhibit B, wouldn't it?

[herrstory]

Well, yes. I do have an Exhibit B. But it is not as impactful as Exhibit A. Of course, if you wish to see it, I will share.

[ A beat. ]

It is not my dick.

[ Another beat. ]

But if that is also something you wished to see.....

[Audio]

[lastofthebog]

Really?

Please, this cannot be serious.

[Audio]

[herrstory]

I assure you I am 100% serious. All of the time.

VIDEO.

[thirdstrike]

[ Carl not only recognizes that office, but it chills him how much he almost recognizes this speech-- not literally, no, but it sounds almost uncannily like a soapbox his father would get on, uncannily like so many he has gotten on. Would Frank call imPorts leeches, or would he argue for their right to the resources provided for them? Well, Carl doesn't know exactly, but it also doesn't really matter, either.

Bridging the gap between imPorts and natives; cutting through the bullshit; a politician-hating politician for the people. It's all too familiar. But this man is also Carl's boss, and... man. So many weird, mixed feelings, but he decides he'll try to be useful: ]

So are you saying you'd be advocating for a redistribution of the wealth? Shared resources for people who're Registered, Unsettled, and natives?

VIDEO.

[herrstory]

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.

[ FINALLY. Someone who has actually listened to him and is not hung up on the part about nude photos. ]

If the government can provide ample housing and funding for us, why not for its own citizens? There will always be the option to buy a better home, but everyone should be entitled to some place to live.