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[tooscience]

[See a dinosaur in a vest. See a dinosaur in a vest talking. Just a normal day.]

PRIMITIVE MEAT PESTS ON THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A VINE/TWITTER ABOMINATION! I REQUIRE YOU BRING TO ME ALL OF YOUR CRYSTALS!

[Yelling. Definitely yelling and not talking.]

I AM NEW AND CLEARLY IN NEED OF AID!

[He pauses a moment to glance at some papers before looking back up at the camera.]

Mime? MIME IS NOT A JOB! MIMES DON'T DO SCIENCE! Have you mammals changed your mammaly words again?! Is this some hipster thing?!

I DEMAND SOMEONE TRADE WITH ME!

Comments

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[tooscience]

Not just crystals! Grenades, guns, knives, coolers, maybe a fire extinguisher.

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Grenades, huh. Did you arrive with all of that?

[Jacob takes a closer look at the vest in the video, trying to determine whether the clearly unbalanced saurian is indeed heavily-armed. He's really hoping that's not the case.]

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[tooscience]

Why?

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Jacob folds his arms.]

Call it curiosity.

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[tooscience]

Lies! Mammal lies!

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Trying real hard not to roll his eyes right now, Doc.]

What is it with you and mammals?

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[tooscience]

Mammals destroyed my kind!

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Are you talking about the dinosaurs? Because I'm pretty sure that was an asteroid.

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[tooscience]

Lies! Lies and fabrications!

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Look, they found the crater somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. I don't know what more proof you need.

[Jacob shrugs, his mood beginning to shift from 'are you serious right now' to just plain frustration.]

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[tooscience]

THEY WEREN'T THERE! IT'S ALL A PLOY!

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[He throws up his hands this is ridiculous.]

Okay. Fine. So what do you you say happened? How did mammals kill everyone?

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[tooscience]

Your perverse mammalian energies from your September 19, 2008 traveled backwards through time and destroyed my world, while empowering me with unparalleled genius!

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[There is a long pause. The look on Jacob's face cannot be truly described with conventional English adjectives, but 'incredulous,' 'disbelieving', and 'so fucking done' all come close.]

What?

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[tooscience]

It is not my fault your tiny meat brain cannot comprehend it.

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Okay, that's it. I'm done. Good luck with the crystals, 'Doc.'

[Jacob disconnects before his tiny meat brain can hurt any more.]