MAY 20TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 20TH, 2016

GET OFF YOUR KNEES AND RISE UP
As seen in official military press release, circulated by mainstream American media:
America's imPort heroes are at a high state of readiness to defend against any threat, thanks in part to this week's intensive training sessions hosted by the Rogue imPort Suppression Enforcement (RISE) team. Working closely in cooperation with the US government, RISE is putting their agents and visiting heroic volunteers through their paces with a variety of exercises and drills. This training includes advanced Virtual Reality technology that represents the cutting edge of American ingenuity in military development, on loan to RISE. ImPort Heroes are practicing at challenges including close combat, disaster rescue, and bomb disposal, sharpening their abilities to a keen edge in preparation for any future crises. When asked for comment on the activities, RISE commander Major-General Olivier Armstrong only stated "It's standard training. We're honing our skills. That's all you need to know."

America's citizens can rest easy knowing that heroes like RISE stand ready to protect the nation from any disaster or enemy, with all their considerable power. And America's foes should be given pause, knowing that the United States has such strength on its side.

FEED YOUR NEED
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a WONDERFUL BREAKFAST.

You can have them apart, but do you really want to be that kind of person?

Eat well. Have egg and potato.

LIPLOCK AND LOAD
As seen gone viral on BlueTube and viewed on the show Good Elevensies America:
The people responsible for the "Awful Lip Reading" series have at last turned their attention to imPorts, with a new episode aptly titled "ALR: imPort Edition"! For those not familiar, they've spliced together footage from the news and user-submitted videos and such (probably including footage from FanPort), anything where the imPort's mouth is clearly visible, and then dubbed over with their own nonsensical dialogue. The episode is a hilarious viral hit, but some commenters have expressed concern that the imPorts included might be upset at quite literally having words put in their mouths...

BETS THAT BITE
As heard on AM radio:
An underground gambling ring has stepped out the shadows with a new betting bid: werewolves vs. vampires. You put your money where your fangs are, and any damaged sustained (property or otherwise) by either party could fill your pockets. Rumor has it that the best bookies are hiding down in Maurtia Falls.

DIX MEASURING CONTEST
As seen on Bwitter, Rumblr, and Threadit's /imPort/shipping/ sub-threadit:
The name of that guy Rick Grimes was spotted getting cozy and friendly with just after Fanport has been discovered!

It's Daryl Dixon.

Photos of the two walking 'home' to Xavier's together have been circulating, along with stories posted by students at the facility saying that Daryl is clearly living with the Grimes. While some "Rix" shippers are disappointed that Tex and Rick's relationship seems to have fizzled out, the newly minted "Darrick'" shippers are quickly filling up the vacancy with new candid photos of the two standing suspiciously close to each other, smiling fondly and laughing with the other, and even a couple hugs -- hugs damn you! -- and it proves they're dating! Rick doesn't hug anyone like that in public unless it's his son!

Checkmate, Rixtheists.

CHUMPANZEE
As seen on national news:
Ronald Chump wants to remind everyone purchasing imPort products (including technological toys) that this is technically UNAMERICAN PRODUCTION. Bwitter has since been ablaze with controversial commentary both supporting and denouncing Chump.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MOTHER OF PEARL to PLACID GREEN, as nothing traumatic has happened on a massive scale! Yay, imPorts!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

( video ) ; 2nd hex | open

[divaricate]

[Wanda has been back for a day, but hasn't made a network post since her return from being ported back into her home universe for a year and several days in that world's time. It was only two days time here.]

Well, that was my first jarring experience of a porter glitch to go back home for a time that was much longer than my absence here was. I returned here yesterday, but kept mostly silent to just take a day off, so sorry if anyone else was wondering where I was. I was gone for a year and some days, as far as time in my universe was concerned. There was what you might call a civil war among my friends and whatever. [Well, mostly her friends. Tony is still not her friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So.] Honestly, I'm glad to be back considering what I just left again. So, if I missed anything particularly noteworthy in my two days absence, anyone please fill me in.

[And she ends it there.]

[Voice]

[schrodingersghost]

 So,  I guess a few things recently have gotten me wondering about something.  Just curious, you know?  

[Actually he was a lot more than just curious. But he was trying to be just a little sneaky about this. You know, get the information without admitting to being part-ghost himself.]

How many of you have met ghosts back home? And what were they like?

Um, also one more thing. Anyone know how long you can completely fail at a job before you get fired?  Because I am seriously terrible at mine.

video;

[marriedmedium]

Good morning, darlings! It's me, Sadie Doyle. I'm sure many of you are familiar with me from my show, but I haven't been properly introduced to you all in returned. How lovely to make your acquaintance!

[Actually, the audience for The Paranormal Heart—an advice show based on Sadie's extensive interactions with spirits, who tend to have a surprising amount of experience with romantic difficulties—is pretty niche. But Sadie's optimism is as relentless as a freight train.]

I have three very important questions for you all today. Number one! What is your favorite drink?

[She lifts her own martini in a toast to the imPorts and takes a sip. Is this a demonstration or a habit? Does it matter?]

Number two! What's your favorite occasion to celebrate? A holiday, a famous person's birthday, Thursday evening...?

And number three! How do you best like to combine the two?

text;;

[akas]

More than a month in, and all the private eye work I could find that actually pays is digging up dirt on cheating couples, which is the biggest parallel I can draw from my own world. Good to know some things never change, huh?

I remember someone was asking about singing no the bar, so after doing some inquiries I've been granted permission to organize something of an Open Mic night every now and then, but first I need some 4-5 people/bands willing to get up to the stage (which I'm building, because fuck hiring people) and embarrass themselves. Or not.

So if you play music and you know it, and you want even more publicity, answer here. We'll figure something out.