maskormenace | [ 01 ] Video; Possible Action for housemates?

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[ 01 ] Video; Possible Action for housemates?

[ The video starts rolling well before Walter's prepared to sit down and talk. What the viewer gets is about twenty minutes of a frail and sickly thin, older white man in his tighty whities, staring blankly into the screen. A bottle of wine is in one hand, continuously pouring the contents into a glass as he drinks them down only to refill it again. It's the alcoholic channel, with a few fascinatingly thoughtful jaw clenches and an unwavering staring competition with the lens. Finally, he clears his throat and speaks up. ]

So this is supposed to connect me to others 'like me?' These so-called imPorts...

[ He studies his empty glass, turning it in his hands. ]

There's one question that never got answered, and maybe you can give me some insight? Clue me in a little because I sure saw a lot of fire and brimstone a few days ago...

[ He looks up, dead eyes focusing on the screen. ]

Is this supposed to be hell?

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[She offers a small, wryly humorous smile. There's not much that's strictly funny about any of this, but sometimes one laughs because the alternative is to be maudlin, and to be maudlin looks in while Scully has always been inclined to look outwards, to the problems that need solving. Like the problem, for instance, of working out where she's seen this man's face before. It doesn't matter much, she supposes. Lots of people look like lots of people in these places.]

It's not quite what I was lead to expect in catechism class, I have to say, but that doesn't mean you're wrong.

[ Walt matches her humor with an expression of faint amusement. Different worlds. Different parallels. Walt wouldn't be able to answer her vague sense of familiarity. He's never seen her before in his life. ]

I'm not so sure the picture we're painted from the biblical version of hell would be nearly as effective as some of the other ones. Being in a world with powers presents its own set of problems that those of us from normal worlds have never encountered.

So, what, Hell is other people?

[The corners of Scully's mouth tug downwards and she shrugs, conceding. That is of course what it ultimately boils down to: it's not that they have these powers, it's what they're expected to do with them, the people they're expected to work with, to work around, the political situation in which they play an important part but not because they asked to, because they exist. None of it would matter if they were on their own... or if they were home.]

What do we do with the power we now have in a world which doesn't necessarily want us to have it? Which of the evils do we choose to ally ourselves with and which to confront? Under other circumstances I might argue that's life, but that would be easier for me to believe if I'd had some choice in the matter.

[ A brief smile flashes on his face. ] Hell is other people -- Sartre, right?

[ That's the second time this quote has come up. It's good to know some of these people are well educated. ]

So what is it you are choosing to do here? Your choices and freedom are taken away all because of this.

[ He raises his arm to show what he means -- the REGISTERED tattoo. ]

So are you helping them or are you observing things from the sidelines?

Sartre.

[She nods once in agreement. Necessary ammunition. Philosophical discussions with Fox Mulder were once a way to pass the time, to work out the problems they faced without quite addressing them head on. Now she carries the baggage but rarely gets to open any of the suitcases, as it were.]

I'm a medical doctor. I can't in good conscience let people die, but I also can't in good conscience aid and abet the people whose policies are only going to cause more people to die.

[After a moment's pause, she reciprocates, tugging up her sleeve: REGISTERED.]

I do the job they've given me and beyond that I do my best.

[She pauses, thoughtful.]

You know, Sartre meant that Hell is other people because it's through other people that we have to define ourselves, that we aren't given the freedom to choose who we are because we have to respond to those impressions, those ideas, whether positive or negative. If that's true, it isn't just the marking. We had no choice from the moment they brought us here, because they knew who we were and what they wanted us to be.

[That Scully isn't certain she had much choice before she came here doesn't need to enter into the conversation, not now. That's a lion's den she's not quite ready to enter. Instead she takes a breath and offers a small, sympathetic smile.]

You gonna be okay?

There's a choice. There's always a choice. And we're the ones to make it, good or bad. There is also truth in what Sartre implied because it's for a lot of the people we care about or don't care about that we make the decisions we do. But I also believe you can do things simply for yourself. You might believe you're doing it for the sake of others, or try to convince yourself of that. But in the end, it's just a selfish decision you made to feel alive in the midst of death.

[ His expression becomes distant as he talks, speaking less to Scully and more to himself. But he shakes his head after a moment, after her question -- jarring him out of his own thoughts. ]

What? Oh. Yes. I'll be fine. This...

[ He makes a circular gesture at himself and the wine. ]

...is nothing. Just one of those poor, selfish choices I was talking about earlier.

[ Another pause. ]

You're a doctor? That's great. I'm a pharmacist. Perhaps our work will coincide.

Maybe. Maybe we do these selfish things because those other people don't want us to do them, because they expect better, and we...

[And then there are other fathers. She shrugs.]

There's always that image standing across from us.

[Held up by people? By God? By herself, because it's been there so long she doesn't know how to stop seeing it?]

As for me, I'm afraid you probably won't be seeing any of my business, which is probably for the best. These days I do most of my work as a pathologist. The day my patients start getting up and walking around I think it'll be time to pack it in and retire to somewhere sunny.

[So she should've done so about five months ago, before she came here. That story is best saved for closer acquaintances, though.]

[ Walt lets out a sound of amusement. ]

I wouldn't be surprised at the possibility. This world seems to be full of things that should be impossible. And if you're looking to retire, you're already in the right place.

[ A pause. ]

But I think the world would be better off if you didn't retire. I might not know you very well, but from what little we've discussed so far, I think your mind is a valuable asset. It would be unfortunate to lose it when it has the potential to do many great things.

[ Walt will drink to that, pouring a glass and raising it. ]

[Forgive her momentary incredulity, but people don't tend to just hand her compliments like that. On the contrary, she's very much accustomed to having to prove herself capable, much less savvy.]

That's both excessively kind and probably a little premature, but I'll take it.

[Maybe Walt isn't the only one having a truly godawful time of things here. If nothing else Scully hopes the solidarity is cheering, even if the wine won't be for long.]

Thank you. I like to think it means something.

[The time. The hard work. This place more or less shattered that.]

And I will say, I don't think I've really come to understand the rules of this place but it becomes easier to take it all in without reaching for the wine.

[She presses her lips together, wry, sad.]

It probably shouldn't, but it does.

[ He's glad she manages to take his compliment. People who carry intelligent conversations are rare and should be appreciated. ]

Of course it means something. I might not have painted the best picture of myself here, but I can still fully appreciate your insight and opinions -- things that reflect the person you are. [ A brief smile. ] As far as first impressions go, you've made a good one.

[ His expression mirrors her sadness as she continues on -- the distant longing for things gone, lost in another world where he can never touch them. The thought of this place being his new home is a rejected notion, but one he will just have to face until the day the porter decides he's not worthy of being a hero and sends him back to his death. ]

I'm not dealing with things as well as I should. That much is obvious and that much I can admit. The wine is a crutch I've been relying on since about the second day of my arrival. But will it become easier without it eventually...?

[ He mulls over it for a second. ]

I don't know if easier is the word I would use. You just get used to things and adapt. Eventually I'll be able to adapt enough to live a fully sober day.

[ At least Walt goes to work sober. Hell, at least he goes to work. He pauses and looks at her for a long, prolonged moment. ]

Let me ask you something -- do you have anyone from home that you know in this world?

[And there's the million dollar question, isn't it? Her expression says the answer before her words do: she swallows, takes a breath.]

No. No, it's just me, as far as I've been able to determine.

[And maybe that is, in a way, hopeful. If I can get used to it on my own... but maybe it isn't. There are plenty of people from home she wouldn't like to see here. Some faces are ghosts, more real and more haunting than any of the ghosts she might have chased over the course of her career.]

But I've found... colleagues. Acquaintances.

[A pause, as though the next item in the list is less certain than the others -- which it must be, given how the meaning of the word has changed for her since her assignation to the X-Files.]

Friends. It doesn't clear up unfinished business, and I think we all have that, but maybe it does help give us something else to focus on.

[ Walt nods, looking momentarily sympathetic -- or maybe even envious. How would he fair in her same position with no one he knew from home? Having Jesse and Hank and even Saul there helped in a small way -- they were people he could trust to explain the situation. But they also came with their own baggage and emotional toll that added another reason to reach for a bottle of alcohol. ]

Maybe it's for the best people you know aren't here. I know it isn't easy. But like I mentioned to someone else -- in this world, they would be thrown into great danger at every turn. So would the familiarity be worth the risk of something happening to them?

[ Walt offers a faint smile. ]

There are no shortage of individuals here -- all different and unique in their own way. It's no surprise you've found some to get along with. And for what it's worth, which I know it probably doesn't seem like much coming from a drunk man in his underwear, but you seem like someone who would make a great acquaintance.

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[ 01 ] Video; Possible Action for housemates?

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