maskormenace

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FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA, NOOKSTAIN. JUST UP AND IGNORE HALF THE OTHER TROLLS HERE! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT.
OH, WAIT: BECAUSE I'M NOT FUNCTIONALLY GRUBTARDED.
IF KANAYA *IS* A MESS
(AND I'M NOT SAYING SHE IS, EVEN IF HER HUMAN SYMPATHIZING IS A CONCERN)
THAT JUST MEANS I NEED TO WATCH HER MORE. IT'S A LEADER THING, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

AS FOR MOVING
I DON'T WANT TO DRAW ANY ATTENTION TO MYSELF JUST YET.
IT WOULD INTERFERE WITH MY PLAN, WHICH IS CURRENTLY TO START STOCKPILING THINGS TO PREPARE FOR THE REVOLUTION THAT I WILL NATURALLY BE LEADING AT A LATER DATE.
SO FAR I HAVE A COLLECTION OF SNUGGLEPLANES AND SOME TINY TRIDENTS I FOUND IN THE COOKINGBLOCK. IF OUR FUTURE REVOLUTION NEEDS TO SPIKE SMALL ENEMIES OR HUDDLE UNDER THINGS FOR WARMTH, I AM READY AS HELL.

kar leadership is in my fuckin blood its wwhat wwe sea dwwellers DO
your type of leadership is somethin else entirely and i aint about to pretend i understand the inner logistics behind it

do you really think you can lead an uprisin wwith such miniscule supplies
cos wwhile this planet has a wweak as fuck sun that dont heat it nearly as much as it SHOULD
tiny enemies aint in high demand
as much as i hate to admit it wwere at a distinct disadvvantage presently and may i add talkin about this on the netwwork is a good wway to get your shit STOPPED before it can evven bloody begin
that bein said im absolutely dowwn for that sorta thing as you should expect

WRONG. THE ONLY THING IN SEADWELLER BLOOD IS FISH STENCH AND FAILURE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR VAGUELY MUTINOUS MUMBLINGS, OK. NOBODY KNOWS MORE ABOUT *EFFECTIVE* LEADERING THAN ME, LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT.

AND LOOK THE SUPPLIES NOW ARE JUST A START, OK. YOU HAVE TO START SMALL WITH THIS STUFF.
YOU HAVE A GOOD POINT ABOUT TALKING ABOUT THIS ON THE NETWORK THOUGH, SO
UH
OK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK OUT A COMPLICATED SECRET CODE SO WE CAN COMMUNICATE ENTIRELY THROUGH BLINKING OR SOMETHING. IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

and thats wwhy wwevve ruled as wwe havve for so long and wwith such efficiency wwith no real rivval
ill let history be the contestant in this bulge wwavvin contest

as much as some sort of secret code sounds awwesome and evverythin wwe could do somethin else like NOT that
wwe could communicate in person or somethin
or make this shit privvate
theres a thought

Edited 2015-03-09 22:12 (UTC)

YOU DON'T GET TO COUNT YOURSELF IN THAT "WE." WHAT WITH THE WHOLE "ALTERNIA WAS DESTROYED BEFORE YOU GOT TO DO ANYTHING BUT GLUB INEFFECTIVELY" THING.
IN THIS SO-CALLED BULGE WAVING CONTEST, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A BULGE, BRO. IT'S SO TRAGIC I CAN'T EVEN RIP ON YOU FOR IT.

AND OK THOSE ARE BOTH GOOD IDEAS
BUT WE COULD STILL BE IN A SITUATION SOMEDAY WHERE THE BLINK CODE IS NECESSARY. SO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

[ POOF. Have a Karkat sitting on the floor of his room, with a closet in the background. There are a few blankets and forks spilling out of it, because Karkat is a fucking lunatic.

He proceeds to wink and blink rapidly, completely straight-faced, before raising both middle fingers. ]

That meant "fuck you."

yes i fuckin do
i wwould havve ruled the FUCK outta you lowwer castes if it wwasnt for your BRILLIANT leadership that lead to the destruction of our entire univverse and then our evventual sittin around on a useless fuckin rock in paradox space wwaitin to fuckin die

[He waits a second to see what the hell Karkat is doing, which leads to him enduring Karkat having a seizure of his eyelids, and then an explanation...

wow.]

you knoww if you wwant your linguistic blinkin an wwinkin to mean ANYTHIN or for me to learn it you might wwanna start wwith the actual basics
instead of insultin me like an ass

[ Back to text. But not before delivering a supremely eyerolly eyeroll to the camera. ]

OKAY WE ARE DONE WRINGING PAST KARKAT'S MISTAKES THROUGH THE THRESHER. ESPECIALLY SINCE I AM SURE WE CAN BOTH AGREE THAT WAS *ACTUALLY* THE HUMANS' FAULT, AND IT'S JUST ONE MORE REASON THAT WE SHOULDN'T TRUST ANY OF THEM.
TRUSTING HUMANS: NOT EVEN ONCE. THAT IS NOW THE TEAM'S OFFICIAL MOTTO.
EVEN IF I GUESS KANAYA IS ALREADY FLOUTING THAT RULE BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS BUT
WHATEVER, SHE'LL COME ROUND ONCE WE REMOVE THE PANWASHING THEY'VE DONE TO HER OR WHATEVER.

AND JUST FYI THE BLINK CODE IS SIMPLE AS FUCK. EVERY BLINK MEANS "FUCK YOU." YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT, BRO.

ok i guess i can agree wwith that
humans are the fuckin wworst and if i can blame things on them i fuckin wwill
like i said kan is a fuckin mess more than usual but i dunno if im too interested in helpin her outta her panwwashin she can do that shit on her or your time

thats utterly fuckin useless im not at all surprised evven REMOTELY by that
ill be sure to remember to blink rapidly at you wwhenevver you do somethin fuckin stupid

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN BETWEEN YOU AND KANAYA?
I'M DETECTING SOME HOSTILITY FROM BOTH SIDES. AND NOT THE HEALTHY KIND OF HOSTILITY THAT WE SHOULD ALL EMPLOY AT ALL TIMES TO ENGENDER A HEALTHY TEAM RELATIONSHIP.
I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A THING I SHOULD BE WORKING MY LEADER MOJO AT, SO PUKE UP THE DEETS.

AND FYI, I AM BLINKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
I HAVEN'T STOPPED SINCE TURNING OFF THE CAMERA
YOU WILL NEVER CATCH UP TO MY LEVEL OF FUCK YOUS. YOU ARE ALREADY SEVERAL THOUSAND OF THEM BEHIND ME, DON'T EVEN TRY.

[OOPS. Last thing Karkat needs to know is that he MURDERED Kanaya. Kanaya doesn't seem to be spilling the proverbial beans, so he shouldn't either.

Way more beneficial that way. So in other words... ABORT ABORT BACKPEDAL BACKPEDAL]

wwhat
no
wwere wwhatevver
i mean it aint my JOB to it aint like wwere her flippin MOIRAIL or somethin right
she can handle herself

it dont count if i cant see it kar thats like yellin fuck yours to the empty air wwith no one around to wwitness it
if a nubby horned dirtscraper squeals out FUCK YOU and no one is around to hear it did it really happen
the answwer is no
so keep on blinkin but it dont mean SHIT

OH, OK. I GUESS I MIXED UP YOU BEING INEXPLICABLY HOSTILE WITH YOU BEING A SELF-ABSORBED ASSHOLE.
A PRETTY AMATEUR MISTAKE.
JUST
COOL IT A LITTLE ON CALLING HER A MESS, OK?
SHE'S BEEN HERE TWO WHOLE SWEEPS, SHE PROBABLY HAD TO DO A LOT OF HUMANNING TO BLEND IN. WE HAVE TO MAKE ALLOWANCES WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY REMINDING HER THAT HUMANS ARE SHITTY AND SHE SHOULD FEEL SHITTY FOR EMULATING THEM.
IT'S A DELICATE BALANCE. I AM PUTTING ACTUAL REAL FAITH IN YOUR ABILITY TO MASTER IT, SO *TRY* NOT TO LET ME DOWN BY BEING A CONCEITED PLAGUE OF DOUCHE.

AND AS LEADER I DECLARE THEY DO COUNT
AND I BLINKED LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES READING THAT, MAYBE MORE.
STEP UP YOUR GAME, AMPORA. I AM FUCKING YOU MORE THOROUGHLY THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE RIGHT NOW.

augh look you an i both knoww i dont do delicate
so ill leavve the mothergrubbin to you i aint interested in any of that
ill try to be a little less scathin i guess but i cant promise much

[Especially when he's only gonna uphold that where Karkat can see, otherwise he's gonna be as nasty as he wants to be!]

uh wwoww wway to wword that kar
forwward much
either wway if youre declarin that as leader then i declare as your biological and societal superior that one blink from me equates to roughly a thousand a yours
its only fair all things considered

OK, I GUESS THAT'LL HAVE TO D

ERIDAN
I SWEAR TO ALMIGHTY FUCK THAT IF YOU START INSINUATING ANY KIND OF SOLICITATION ON MY PART
I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL VOMIT FORTH AN ALMIGHTY FLOOD OF ALLEGEDLY-LOWBLOOD PUKE ON YOUR TREMBLING FORM.
I WILL NEVER STOP
IT WILL NEVER END
YOUR LIFE WILL BE BARF, AND IT WILL BE UNBEARABLE. YOU WILL TRY TO BEG FOR DEATH, BUT WILL FIND YOURSELF TOO DISTRAUGHT TO DO SO. TINY VIOLET TEARS WILL COURSE DOWN YOUR FACEPLANES AS YOU REGRET EVERY CHOICE YOU HAVE EVER MADE.

(ALSO THAT'S BULLSHIT AND I'M STILL BLINKING)

Edited (tyPOS NO) 2015-03-14 17:29 (UTC)

wwell maybe take some responsibility for howw you wword shit
anywways i wwas jokin kar calm your rumblespheres
i get that youre all jacked up from gettin dragged here but dont tell me youvve forgotten our kind of humor or are too spongedead noww to get wwhen im clearly makin a joke in a friendly attempt to cheer you up
god

[Yes, because that's what that was......]

also it AINT bullshit its fair and im blinkin noww too
you wwont be able to wwrap your stunted pan around the amount a times im fucking you
i suggest you sit dowwn this shit aint for those wwith a wweak pump

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SPONGE. WHICH IS WHY I INSTANTLY RECOGNIZED THAT YOU WERE NOT *REALLY* SAYING ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES, BUT I DECIDED TO PRETEND THAT I THOUGHT THAT
TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT I THOUGHT IT
FOR THE PURPOSES OF COMEDY.

[ FLAWLESS. ]

ALSO I WILL NEVER SIT DOWN.
IN FACT I AM PREPARING TO LEAVE MY HIVE
*WHILE BLINKING*
TO BROADCAST MY FUCKING OF YOU IN A PUBLIC VENUE.
I WILL CONSUME EVERY HUMAN DONUT WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY OUTFUCKING YOUR FUCK YOUS. YOU MUST BE DEVASTATED.

wwell good then i wwont havve to wwaste time or effort wworryin if youvve completely lost your sponge

wwhat the fuck is a donut
it sounds deadly
but wwhatevver if you wwant to blink your wway to a death shop make sure you dont blink your wway into traffic and die before you get there
cant let you get ran the fuck ovver by a scuttlebuggy cuz youre too busy fuckin me
thatd be humiliatin wway for you to die

bee tee dubs wwith my multiplier im probably wway past you by noww

A DONUT IS SOME KIND OF HUMAN RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY, I GUESS?
SOLD IN SHOPS. FOR DONUTTING.
AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, *BUDDY*
I WILL WINK ALL THE WAY THERE INSTEAD. ONE EYE ON THE HUMAN FOUR WHEELED DEVICES, ONE WINKING RAPIDLY AT ALL WHO PASS. IT'S CALLED MULTITASKING.

AND I REFUTE YOUR MULTIPLIER
IT DOESN'T EXIST
IF YOU GET A MULTIPLIER FOR BEING A FINFACED ASSHOLE, I GET ONE FOR BEING THE LEADER OF MULTIPLE FINFACED ASSHOLES.
FEFERI MIGHT NOT BE HERE, BUT SHE COUNTS. AS DO ALL THESE BLINKS I AM BLINKING, WOW.

you eat an activvity
that sounds fuckin retarded but im not at all surprised in the least
yeah wwell pretty sure a wwink is wworth half as much as a blink so go ahead

and i refuse your blinkin and wwinkin not in my presence to count
looks like wwere at a impasse here
so either the multiplier stays or your bullshit blinkin wwhile not bein seen goes
but no you dont get one because thats not how natural selection and superior biology wworks idiot my blinks are far better than yours by my superior genetics thus the multiplier
also lets NOT bring fef into this either she has absolutely NOTHIN to do wwith this ok

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phrasing

HUSH

if you want me to hush
then maybe you should consider not fucking him in public
no one wants to see that karkat

stay outta this

maybe if you wouldnt make such an embarrassing display of flirting with him i might
everyone can see this you know

i am NOT flirtin wwith him
he and me just got a thing ok somethin you CLEARLY dont understand
just stay outta it

also any onlookers can fuck off includin YOU

[DON'T CALL HIM OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT, KANAYA!!]

oh its "a thing"
how mistaken ive been in my interpretation
and this "a thing" wouldnt happen to have been fated since time immemorial in a very deep and personal way
how many times have you used that line

in the past week