001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[dogsled]

I should hope by now that he'd understand that I--that I ah, meant anything but to wield it as an insult.

[ferrisbuellean]

Oh, because you're partners, right? Like Starsky and Hutch, Cagney and Lacey, Randall and Hopkirk. You guys know each other inside and out.

[dogsled]

Only closer. And with arguably better cars.

[ferrisbuellean]

'Closer'. Right.

What kinda cars we talking about here?

[dogsled]

A black, hard topped 1967 Pontiac GTO, and in the case of my former partner, a green, 1972 Buick Riviera.

[ferrisbuellean]

Not bad at all. What is it with detectives and old cars?

[dogsled]

Police work disrupts relationships. I've come to believe that Detectives are so fond of their cars because - unless it gets blown up, or set on fire and driven into a lake, or blown up again - a car can never leave you. After all, you're the one holding all the keys.

[ferrisbuellean]

Until it gets stolen. Then someone else is holding the keys. Cars are as fickle as women.

[dogsled]

Well that's true. And there has been the odd occasion - given that this is Chicago we're talking about - where Ray has endured the hardship of watching his beloved car disappearing in the other direction...

He was rather heartbroken.

[ferrisbuellean]

Exactly my point. You'd think they'd never heard of work issued cars.

[dogsled]

Well, there's also the car pool. But we did drive a modern vehicle for a while. Personally I didn't like it. It smelt wrong.

[ferrisbuellean]

It smelt wrong? Get an air freshener.

[dogsled]

I have a very sensitive nose. Is there an air freshener caller 'old car smell'?

[ferrisbuellean]

You know, I bet you could find that on the web. Either that or just get some homeless guy to live in the back seat for a week for the same sort of effect.

[dogsled]

I'm not sure. It's something about the way a leather interior develops over time, and the way that the dashboard fits together, the feel of the engine--no, I must admit I've grown rather fond of the classics.

[ferrisbuellean]

They've dragged you into the retro car addiction. I got nothing wrong with the classics myself, but nothing beats the performance of a fresh one.

[dogsled]

Performance at the cost of personality. Is that a common sacrifice you make?

[ Fucking sarky mountie here. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

If personality to you is judged solely on age, then I guess it is.

[Screw you, Mountie.]

[dogsled]

Of course not.

[ Well that settles that then. It's not bait if he doesn't rise to it. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

[Bait left sitting forever.]

And here I thought Canadians were supposed to be polite.

[dogsled]

I have bad role models.

[ferrisbuellean]

Americans, you mean?

[dogsled]

Those are the ones.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, it figures you guys would finally start blaming us for something. We've been blaming you for decades.

[dogsled]

And turnabout is fair play, if not somewhat petty.