001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

It seems like a pretty weird thing to get defensive about.

[cuff]

I'm not gettin' defensive, jus'sayin my dolphin crusades might be personal.

[ferrisbuellean]

Do you get to swim with these dolphins?

[cuff]

Ahh- only on special occasions. Y'know. When they're feelin' up to it.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, I heard they can be assholes.

[cuff]

Yeah, yeah, sure- but that's just what people want you to think. Not they're fault they don't people all up in their aquatic spaces all the time.

[ferrisbuellean]

And mankind is the biggest asshole of them all, amiright?

[cuff]

That's the going story on the streets.

[ferrisbuellean]

I'll let the Mountie know you've become one with the dolphins now.

[cuff]

Gotta come up with something better than that if you're going for shock value. Cause if it's not the dolphins, then it's the wolf.

[ferrisbuellean]

What wolf?

[cuff]

He didn't tell you about the wolf? Eats more donuts than a beat cop?

[ferrisbuellean]

He did mention a wolf. Wasn't entirely sure whether he was being sarcastic, but in hindsight I guess I was stupid to ever assume that.

[cuff]

You'd be surprised. But nobody jokes about the wolf.

[ferrisbuellean]

So he's a donut eating wolf that lives in Chicago? Could your partner get any more like a stereotype?

[cuff]

Wouldn't put it past him. But y'know, it's not all bad- he tells a mean campfire story.

[ferrisbuellean]

Oh, sure, that sounds like a great time when you're in the middle of the city.

[cuff]

Hey. Not like we're talking a 'campfire' [ just going to enunciate those quotation marks ] out of an oil drum in the south side. Not that Fraser'd probably pass that opportunity, either- but not the point. Doesn't sound as sad as y'might think.

[ferrisbuellean]

Fire in an oil drum? Sounds like a pretty normal day in Chicago. You all live under overpasses, right?

[cuff]

You mean we got housing somewhere else? Thought I had to live next to junkies, one'a those uh- pre-requirements of being a Chicagoite. Like we're all some kinda inner-city mole people.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yup, sounds about right. You're in a better place now.

[cuff]

Why, cause we got superheroes or cause you're on cable?

[ferrisbuellean]

Both these things. Me being on cable is really just a bonus. But I mean also the whole recognisable people kicking around too. There must be a few faces or names you recognise, right?

[cuff]

You're talkin about Batman, aren't you. [ Because everyone knows Batman is actually from Chicago, duh. ]

Or the, uh- Captain Kirk guy. That everyone was pissing themselves over.

[ferrisbuellean]

Holy crap, Captain Kirk was here? I used to love that guy. Important question though: Shatner or the new guy?