001 | Video

[moneyballer]

Okay, so this superhero gig? Best. Thing. Ever!

[Each word is accompanied by animated hand gestures and unnecessary head bobbing. Better get used to it.]

Yo, this is frickin’ awesome! I mean, I wanted to defend the law and all, but this? This is better than all the wet dreams I’ve ever had! And, phew! I’ve had some great ones. Madonna? She may be old, but that chick can get it.

[Why is he gesturing to the viewer like he won an Oscar or something? What the hell is his problem?]

Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in spandex and a pair of tighty-whities, but… You can’t deny that this bodacious badonkadonk-

[Asher sets the device on the table in front of him, doing a twirl for the camera. Oh god, is that a booty pop? It is. Someone stop this man.]

Would look great in a supersuit.

Comments

[viced]

[ A snort. ]

Uh, pal, you know I'm a government ambassador for the import population, right?

You don't want to ask me that question.

[moneyballer]

Why?

I mean, you'd knooooow... Right?! And, haha! Ahaha! I haven't done anything!

[viced]

I don't make it a policy to associate myself with drugs in general.

Now if you're asking me in an official capacity, I'd be happy to provide for you copies of De Chima's current law enforcement policies with regards to drug use.

Personally, I'd say you should probably just fucking google it.

[moneyballer]

They have google here? Oh, shit! Yeah, of course they do. It's fucking Florida.

[Though he's heard Florida is horrible...]

[viced]

I know Florida can be fucked up sometime, but it's not that backwards!

[moneyballer]

I guess.

[Speaking of Florida...]

Miami is famous for its hot babes.

[viced]

Uh -- I'm pretty sure it's known for its Cuban food and coke, more than the women, pal.

[moneyballer]

Cuban food!

[He sounds so happy about that.]

What are the best restaurants around here? I mean, I learned to cook while I was in school, but man... Sometimes a guy just wants to get his grub on without all the hassle.

[viced]

Uh, in Heropa? I don't -- I don't go out to eat that much. I can tell you the best coffee joints from when I was living there, but...

I don't really go out to eat that much. [ He barely eats at all. ]

[moneyballer]

Oh! Are you the kind of guy who likes to cook for himself?

[Asher nods at that.]

No disrespect, bro. A dude's gotta eat.

[viced]

Uh yeah. Sure.

[ If cooking for yourself is grabbing a sandwich once a day, then yes. ]

But seriously, maybe you should just...go get something to eat. Look at this with a full stomach and fresh eyes later.

[moneyballer]

Probably! Talkin' about all this food has got me in the mood for some kinda midnight snack.

So uh... Later? Uncool... Dude?

[who is this guy again he just seems mean]

[viced]

[ A sigh. ]

Mitchell Hundred.

[moneyballer]

That's a weird name. Is that your superhero alias, or-

[ASHER just introduce yourself...]

[viced]

What? No -- my family came over on the Mayflower. They named themselves after Brandywine Hundred, the area they settled when they came to the United States.

[ Wow. He's quick with...that explanation. Isn't he? ]

Integers don't make good superhero names anyway.

[moneyballer]

Get out! No way. Brandywine? Shit.

[Either way, it seems like Asher's eating all of this up.]

Asher Millstone! It's a pleasure. I think.

[viced]

Yeah -- [ Long and drawn out. Like he's not so sure of that. ]

Right, well. Why don't you...go get some food, and think about maybe... taking it down a few notches next time, huh?

[moneyballer]

Sure thing bro!

[Asher does a mock-salute, forgetting that this was switched to voice.]

See ya!

[And the feed turns off.]