001 | Video

[moneyballer]

Okay, so this superhero gig? Best. Thing. Ever!

[Each word is accompanied by animated hand gestures and unnecessary head bobbing. Better get used to it.]

Yo, this is frickin’ awesome! I mean, I wanted to defend the law and all, but this? This is better than all the wet dreams I’ve ever had! And, phew! I’ve had some great ones. Madonna? She may be old, but that chick can get it.

[Why is he gesturing to the viewer like he won an Oscar or something? What the hell is his problem?]

Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in spandex and a pair of tighty-whities, but… You can’t deny that this bodacious badonkadonk-

[Asher sets the device on the table in front of him, doing a twirl for the camera. Oh god, is that a booty pop? It is. Someone stop this man.]

Would look great in a supersuit.

Comments

[whathawksdo]

[ Aaand then sometimes someone can be a little too confident. ]

Ohh, no, you'll have to slay a few dragons before I'll be interested. The local girls seem to be really into the entire gaudy costume routine, though.

[moneyballer]

[whoa wait a minute]

...Huh? Did you say dragons?

[He blinks about 500 times. Okay, that's exaggerating.]

Dragons aren't real. Is that a mascot for some football team or something? 'Cause hell, with these powers? Bring 'em on!

[what does she mean slay

that means beat them with killer dance moves or something right???? beyonce. yeah]

[whathawksdo]

[ Nope, no pass go, no collect 200 gold pieces, but a dance off with a literal dragon would sure be something, wouldn't it? ]

You heard me right. Dragons, real ones. You end up in a world that hands out fancy powers to everyone and you honestly think real dragons aren't a possibility?

[ ...where she's from, sure, but here? Ha, well, he doesn't need to know that. ]

[moneyballer]

[Give him a moment to process this.

Okay, apparently any thinking process of his doesn't take very long. Asher immediately clehnches both fists and pulls them towards himself, as if to celebrate.]

Cooooooooooool!

[whathawksdo]

Yes, cool. Cool up until they set you on fire.

[ Then literally not cool at all. ]

[moneyballer]

But when you're not on the other end of that, the fire-breathing thing sounds pretty tight.

I wonder if that's one of the powers you can get...

[whathawksdo]

What? Breathing fire? I imagine it is, though I think I would pass on that one myself.

[moneyballer]

[Asher quirks a brow at that. He may be self-absorbed, but that certainly doesn't mean that he's not interested in others.]

Yeah? What'd you actually get?

[whathawksdo]

The amazing power to put away several pints in one sitting.

[moneyballer]

That's a power?

[He blinks pretty slowly.]

Or is that just... Is that just you? This is a joke. You're jokin', huh.

[whathawksdo]

I made it too obvious that time, didn't I?

omg this got lost in my inbox forgive me

[moneyballer]

I don't mean to judge a book by it's cover, or anything, but-

[He's totally judging this book by it's cover.]

You look like the kinda girl who could handle a few drinks.

[whathawksdo]

Well what do you know, maybe you're not just all looks after all.

[ Hey, he judged the book correctly, so whatever. ]

But if you want to know the power the porter handed off to me, it's actually to be hounded by dogs wherever I do go.

[moneyballer]

I don't hear any barking...

[whathawksdo]

Maybe they're being very, very quiet. [ But no. ] Or I don't let them inside along with me all the time. Can you imagine the mess that would make?

[moneyballer]

Okay, but being able to clean up that much poop?

Yeah. I'd definitely consider that a superpower.