001 | Video

[moneyballer]

Okay, so this superhero gig? Best. Thing. Ever!

[Each word is accompanied by animated hand gestures and unnecessary head bobbing. Better get used to it.]

Yo, this is frickin’ awesome! I mean, I wanted to defend the law and all, but this? This is better than all the wet dreams I’ve ever had! And, phew! I’ve had some great ones. Madonna? She may be old, but that chick can get it.

[Why is he gesturing to the viewer like he won an Oscar or something? What the hell is his problem?]

Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in spandex and a pair of tighty-whities, but… You can’t deny that this bodacious badonkadonk-

[Asher sets the device on the table in front of him, doing a twirl for the camera. Oh god, is that a booty pop? It is. Someone stop this man.]

Would look great in a supersuit.

Comments

[inmyothertights]

It's the same. Trust me. I know tights.

[moneyballer]

No man! Tights are for ballet! Girly shit.

[the lengths to which he'll go to defend this are out of this world]

Spandex? Spandex is for superheroes.

[inmyothertights]

Wow, you're going to have to-

Not...say it that way?

Unless you want someone who takes ballet to kick your teeth out.

[HE KNOWS PEOPLE, MAN.]

[moneyballer]

[asher unfortunately is into that shit

All he does in response is furrow his brows, clearly confused. Should he be backpedaling? Probably.]

Listen. I don't mean no disrespect to the pretty little ladies on stage, but...

This is totally different!

[it isn't

billy please show him the light]

[inmyothertights]

It really isn't.

Look, I'll take you to a dance store. I should know, it's where I got my first uniform.

[moneyballer]

Whoa, dude.

[visibly backing away from the camera]

Like, you're nice and everything, but I don't think I can go on a date with you.

[asher nobody wants to date your pasty ass]

'Cause, y'know. I don't swing that way.

[inmyothertights]

[S I L E N C E.]

Okay, wait, stop.

First off: I would never take anyone on a date to a ballet store.

Second off: I am 100% taken.

Third off: Really? You don't?

[moneyballer]

But what if the other guy really likes dancing?

[okay asher didn't you say ballet was girly 5 seconds ago

apparently he doesn't remember either.]

And, uh, no? Don't get me wrong! I'm not one of those messed up dudes who thinks being gay is weird or wrong or anything. It's just, y'know! How some people are.

[He shrugs in a casual, but not demeaning, manner.]

And why hate on someone for just... Being them? That's crazy.

[inmyothertights]

Then we'd go to the ballet.

Wow I totally pegged you as gay.

[moneyballer]

I can't blame you! I mean, who wouldn't want a piece of this hot ass?

[...]

Whether you're male, female, or anything in-between!

[ASHER THAT IS FUCKING RUDE

plz educate him billy

he doesn't know better]

[inmyothertights]

......oh lord.

[moneyballer]

And if the big guy wanted in on it too, I wouldn't blame him at all.

[.............

u know some people have a limit with their egos but this guy? THIS GUY]