001 | Video

[moneyballer]

Okay, so this superhero gig? Best. Thing. Ever!

[Each word is accompanied by animated hand gestures and unnecessary head bobbing. Better get used to it.]

Yo, this is frickin’ awesome! I mean, I wanted to defend the law and all, but this? This is better than all the wet dreams I’ve ever had! And, phew! I’ve had some great ones. Madonna? She may be old, but that chick can get it.

[Why is he gesturing to the viewer like he won an Oscar or something? What the hell is his problem?]

Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in spandex and a pair of tighty-whities, but… You can’t deny that this bodacious badonkadonk-

[Asher sets the device on the table in front of him, doing a twirl for the camera. Oh god, is that a booty pop? It is. Someone stop this man.]

Would look great in a supersuit.

Comments

[moneyballer]

How old are you now?

[Because the kid still looks 16...

and hey he's got a nice butt ok don't judge]

[tactile_telekinesis]

Eighteen. How old are you? Cause this is straight up embarrassing uncle stuff. You know, the one you don't want to invite to any family gathering?

[moneyballer]

[ok that makes him feel real salty]

You haven't lived until you've turned 21, mofo.

[did he

he actually said "mofo"

this

this needs to end]

[tactile_telekinesis]

Did you...really just say that? Dude, your lingo is lame.

[Sorry, he's not sorry.]

[moneyballer]

Fuck you. I roll how I roll!

[god this is so embarrassing why do i have to type this

help]

I've been given a great opportunity, and I'm gonna take it. Screw the haters! I'll have shitloads of fun.

[tactile_telekinesis]

[Rude.

Asher ♥!]

Didn't say I was hatin' on your opertunity, just pointing out your uh...[Everything?] uh...you might not be taken serious?

So, what d'ya get?

[moneyballer]

The only thing I wanted people to take seriously was my ass. Duh! I mean, it's obvious.

[??????????????]

Me? Uhhhh, superstrength! And X-Ray vision. Which is suh-weet!

[He thinks he'll be able to see through girls' clothes, which is kind of wrong. He'll be able to detect heat signatures and, well, see their bone structure. Is there anything sexy about ribcages? No. Not really. Not for him.]

[tactile_telekinesis]

Right.

[Asher...Asher no.]

X-Ray vision huh? [It doesn't take a genius to know why he thinks that. The guy is easy to read. Well, when he's like this any way. Plus Kon had a point in his short life when he was a lot like Asher.

Aah, and wouldn't he be jealous to know Kon can just skip the clothes part and before muscles and bone.]

Tried it out yet?

[moneyballer]

No, not yet. Haven't been around too many girls who are, y'know! Of age.

There are a lot of kids here.

[Asher doesn't sound too happy about that.]

/throws a necro tag at you. Feel free to ignore!

[tactile_telekinesis]

[There's a smile.]

Always gotta be something to ruin the fun, huh?

[moneyballer]

Well, there's fun, and there's pedophilia. Take your pick! I mean, I know which side I'm on.

[that could be v easily misconstrued]