[04] Voice

[kingpawn]

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Comments

[kingpawn]

You can't make it up to him.

[ Walt's tone, however, isn't as malicious as the words imply. It's the paternal voice he would adopt when giving life lessons and advice. It's the teacher/mentor voice he takes on to teach and impart important wisdom. ]

No matter what you do here, it has no impact on what happens back home. When you go back there, neither of you will remember it. To think you can change anything here is just...naive.

[ And Walt has been the same kind of naive, even though he knows as soon as Jesse goes back home -- that's it. Things are over between them. He hopes and he wants a different outcome, but he knows it's impossible. ]

It hurts, yes. But it is something we both have to accept. The future will happen no matter what, and there will always be consequences for that which we choose.

[infomodder]

[Will is very used to that tone, no doubt about it. The fact that they're both on less vicious footing is what has him biting down on anything harsh in the face of it, even when Walter goes on and adds that naive part. They've found ground they can apparently discuss in a reasonable manner, it wouldn't do Will any good to disrupt for minor slights, imagined or real, at his ego.

His ego isn't the important one here, and not because Walter is his mentor. The bits and pieces of profile Chilton has fed him over the past several months are held in his mind, flashing neon lights, continual reminders. Lines for him to keep himself functioning in if he wants to get anywhere.]

You're right. Doctor Chilton and I have both made trips home and returned. I'm not looking to rewrite his future, my past. That'd probably make it worse. Baltimore is not a forgiving place.

[Soft, discussion instead of correction. Will can't expect everyone to know his history, acting otherwise won't win any favors. He picks it so carefully, too, You're right instead of I'm aware or I already know...a little goes a long way, so a little is what he gives. Otherwise, it's too heavy-handed. It's wrong.]

Baltimore believes in change, however. In transformation. You're stuck in a world where the dead come to life, granting ordinary people powers they'd never have elsewhere. Isn't this the perfect place for change?

[Genuine question. Will knows that there is a vital aspect some miss out on when it comes to learning, and that's one part he's ready to go through with. Will doesn't just ask, any idiot can ask a question, it's not difficult. He asks because he wants an answer, Walter's answer, because Will is doing that crucial thing called listening.]

[kingpawn]

[ Will is smart. He's smart not to attack and he's smart to frame his words the way he does. It doesn't mean Walter isn't suspicious of this shift in tone of their conversation, but he also doesn't feel it necessary to attack. Discussion. They're having discussion. And the question asked is a good one. ]

It depends on what is being changed, I suppose. When you look at the grand scheme of things, no matter what you do -- it's useless. You prolong the inevitable.

[ He thinks about both Jesse and Hank, and how as soon as they experience the future -- when they come back, it doesn't matter what Walt does. They will both hate him. ]

But change will happen regardless because of the nature of this world. If your powers don't morph you into something else, the people in this world might.

[ A nod to Chilton and what Chilton is attempting to do and likely will continue to try and do, long after Walt is gone. Because the one solid truth is that Walt expects Chilton to outlive him in this world. ]

[infomodder]

Yes, they might. Some for better, some for worse.

[Walter can take that as he so chooses; Will's aware of how Chilton can be, yes, but he's also a married man who doesn't hide that he found the love of his life in this world. He can take it as simple agreement or something more personal, Will doesn't give anything else away. Even his tone is calm, neutral, still waters instead of the rush from before.]

That can give you the power to change them in return, though. If you want to.

[Want, or simply know how to do it and have enough extra time to put a side design in order.]

[kingpawn]

[ Walt wishes he had that sort of power. Although he does have a way of lying and manipulating, he doesn't see himself as having any sort of power to change people. Not to the same extent as Chilton. And definitely not for anything more prolonged if things with Jesse are anything to go by. ]

Is that something you want to do?

[ It isn't asked as an accusation, but more that Walt does recognize Will's power. The power to understand and empathize is a great one -- one that can be used to subtly change a person from within. All it takes is one small seed. ]

[infomodder]

[Shit, that's a good question. Meaning it's a difficult one, something he'd know how to answer immediately with most anyone else, just not. Walter White. A few moments where he mulls it over, and then finally:]

Not particularly. [Slow, like he'd never really thought about it before.] I'd like to use my position here to better things, but...the sort of change we're talking about takes a lot more effort than finding criminals and putting them away. Causing change on a personal level, lasting and lingering, is a job in and of itself. I don't have the time or energy.

[Let him be considered a man who does what he can where he can and, at the end of the day, is too drained to put more work into personal projects. Side projects, people as pets. Winding them up and watching them go is more difficult when he has a family to return and spend time with, when he comes home from a day spent empathizing with others and just wants to be himself. Since White's apparently gotten the spiel about how Will was the devil's chosen beloved instead of the devil himself, it fits together nicely, doesn't it? Of course, Will can recognize that Jesse has an element of danger to him as well, must have, but that doesn't mean he wants to act on it unless he has to. Why can't Will be similar in that, hmm? A sleeping beast, waking only when absolutely necessary and never just for fun, just because he's curious. Without the influence of Hannibal Lecter nudging crazy men through his window to kill or be killed, why wouldn't he want to chill out and enjoy the peace as long as he can?

Will Graham is also a liar who plants small seeds all the time without expending effort into the process. Like this entire conversation.]

[kingpawn]

[ Does Walt believe it? Not for a second. Will Graham wouldn't be Chilton's line of defense if he didn't have the 'time or energy' to expend into affecting others emotionally. But he can play on that angle. He can work with it. ]

Then, I don't want to be a cause of you wasting either time or energy. Perhaps it would be best if we didn't speak any further. Perhaps it would be best if you left me to my devices as I will leave you to yours.

You're a family man, Will. I am as well. I can understand that they are the most important thing in your life. And if I were you, I would focus on them. Chilton will be fine. We finally understand one another, and our relationship can only move in a positive direction from here.

[infomodder]

[He says the magic word and at the same time insults that magic word, to the point Will wonders if he's been unclear or if Walter White just doesn't want to believe it. If he refuses a reality wherein his things have lives and people outside of him, if he can't accept a world where he isn't top dog. Oh yes, Will had seen much of himself in Jesse.]

I am focusing on my family, Mister White. I don't go running about in July heat for just anyone. Frederick Chilton is as much a part of my family as my wife.

[So let him just clear that up as bluntly as he can.]

You leave my family in good condition? We won't have any issues. You don't? Then we will. It's that simple.

[Where the potential result is either totally calm waters or explosions and suffering everywhere. How extreme.]

[kingpawn]

[ Only result Walt's seeing here is 'guess u gotta die, bro.' ]

Right.

[ It's spoken with both a hint of disbelief and very thinly veiled rage. How dare Will try to stake claim on something Walt had conquered and owned. Did he really think that was going to go over well? ]

Well thank you for the birthday wishes. Are you done harassing me now?

[infomodder]

[Go over well? Nah. But he doesn't care about that. He cares about this being transparent. Later on, should anything arise, there will be nothing for either of them to hide behind. No claims of I didn't know, no bullshit, no reason for wasted time. Just action, if it becomes necessary.

Will takes a second, thinking, completely silent. A few short things to say in return come to mind, but none of them are balanced. Some are rude. Some are sickeningly polite. In the end, Will doesn't say anything.

He just disconnects. That should be answer enough...with the bonus of giving Walter White (and his ego) the last word.]