[04] Voice

[kingpawn]

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Comments

[kingpawn]

Not any holiday that actually matters. I feel like every day is some silly holiday somewhere like World Boss's Day or Cheese Appreciation Day.

[ A pause and a stomach growl. ]

I could get behind Cheese Appreciation Day, though.

[munies]

I think my answer would be a definite yes if it were actually Cheese Appreciation Day, but I'll have to give it some thought. I can't just pick a birthday I'm not completely committed to. Still not sure I'd celebrate my birthday here either way.

[ she'll figure it out later ]

Have a lot of people told you they died in their world? I've been a little curious, too.

[kingpawn]

You could always just celebrate the day you arrived in this world as your birthday. Technically it's true if you look at birth like an arrival into the world.

[ A beat. ]

Not too many have, no. I'm speaking with a few immortals who are rather blase about the whole death thing as you can imagine. But either the majority of us are among the living or most people simply don't want to talk about it. Which is surprising. You'd think it would be something someone would want to talk about.

[munies]

It's a weird thing to make conversation of, isn't it?

Hi, I'm Teresa. In my world there was a giant lethal Maze built as a test for kids who were immune to a virus that was killing the planet. It was meant to map out their brains, which was considered the "killzone" of the virus. I helped build that Maze. I then had my memory Swiped so I could take part in the test. [ a breath! ] Even after we solved the Maze, we kept being tested after that, in worse ways. In the end I got my memories back, and realized everything I believed in since I was a kid was complete klunk, so I helped bring down the organization responsible for all of it. Ironically enough, our only means of escape was through a flat trans that was located in the same Maze from the start. I almost made it out, but the Maze started to collapse around us, and I was crushed under the weight of one of the falling walls.

It didn't even hurt, it just- happened. I saw it falling, and I pushed him out of the way.

Waking up after was worse than actually being killed.

[ eh ok so maybe she did want to talk about it. some part of her did. ]

[kingpawn]

[ Hearing her story is a little sobering. It's amazing how some people come from such horrible circumstances and worlds. It makes living with cancer seem like nothing by comparison. Especially when he hears this from someone so young. ]

That's a horrible way to go. Tragic, really. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry because you had so much life ahead of you from the sound of it. You had only just remembered...

[ He trails off, regaining his composure. ]

Were you upset to wake up in this world? To have a second chance? Or are you grateful for it?

[munies]

Oh. No, it's- um. Fine. [ wow she's only ever heard Thomas apologize for her death before and that's because he was there for it. totally has no idea how to respond to it. so she'll just move along. ] I was more confused than upset. Well, at first.

[ it's weird thinking back on everything she felt then. she was so sure this was some kind of weird- defense mechanism, maybe? of her mind? like be killed so abruptly put your brain in overdrive and made you see klunk. but that didn't make much sense. but anyway! ]

I'm happy for a second chance, sure. But trying to wrap my head around being alive again, after dying? That still bothers me. I still can't explain what it was like, or what it's like now. It's almost like it never happened? But it definitely happened. [ and she clearly doesn't like that kind of confusing train of thought ] For some reason it bothers me, the idea of someone's death just not mattering anymore, because the Porter felt like bringing us here.

[kingpawn]

This is exactly how I feel!

[ Walt doesn't mean to agree so intensely, but Teresa is the first person who actually understands exactly what Walt is going through. And that's a rarity. ]

Everyone tells you that you should be grateful for a second chance -- that you should make the most of it. But it isn't that simple. To have your ending robbed, and it was your ending -- something unique to only you -- to have that stolen makes what you tried to accomplish seem almost pointless.

How long have you been in this world?

[munies]

Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Like- There's some moments where you want to just be like "I died! Doesn't that matter?", just because life is so normal here, and it wasn't back home. Yeah.

[ Teresa's nodnodnoding along, and it's- weird, yeah, for someone to actually get it. she's a little grateful for the question, because it's still related but it's not so on-the-nose ]

About nine months now. It feels like longer, sometimes.

[kingpawn]

I'm surprised we haven't spoken sooner then. It's been about seven months for me. And I...

I didn't exactly adjust well to this world.

Did you find it difficult when you first arrived or act out in any way?

[munies]

There's really nothing left of my world, so the only thing difficult about being here was that it felt too... Nice?

Super strength was also a pain to get the hang of. It's not so bad anymore, though.

What didn't you like about it? Or should I be asking what don't you like?

[kingpawn]

Sometimes something so nice can be wrong on a whole different level.

[ His voice becomes distant, full of deeper and abstract meaning. ]

You feel as though you don't deserve them.

[ But the distance fades and Walt is back. ]

Oh, I can imagine it must have been difficult to get used to such an ability. Having to learn how to adjust your grip so that you're not crushing everything you touch.

And that's one of the many things I dislike about this world. The powers. We didn't have them back home, and it feels like something out of a movie or a book. But it also makes daily life that much more dangerous. I feel as though we're nothing more than tools in a war -- something to be used against the opposite side.