maskormenace | [04] Voice

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

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Oh. My death wasn't a bad thing. I just want to clarify that right now. Some people think it is, but mine was good. Mine was satisfying. Mine ended my life right where it should have ended.

[ Which is totally morbid, Walt! Geesh! And he sluggishly realizes this. ]

I mean. Wait.

[ He actually digests the weight of what she implied. ]

Are you saying you've never celebrated your birthday? You've never had one party? Your parents didn't get you those Sesame Street party hats and plates and invite all your friends over from school?

[There's a little pause on her end as she considers that last part before she finally says, shyly;]

I think you need to have parents and a birthday to have all those things.

[And she's got no idea about what Sesame Street is either, but it sounds like a nice place.

Anyway! She clears her throat.]

But you know... I know what you mean. About the end happening when it should have. Sometimes it's the best thing for everybody, even though it's a hard decision and not everyone's going to like it. It's like you say... it's satisfying, in a way.

[ Walt is so fixated on the first part of what she's said that he can't even focus on the second and more insightful statement. ]

You don't have parents? Or a birthday?

[ A quiet pause of melancholy. ]

Were you orphaned? I mean, you have to have a birthday. You just must mean that you don't know when it is, right?

No, I wasn't orphaned. I've never had parents.

[She sounds a little more nervous now, but how exactly do you go about admitting you were never actually born in the first pace? And if she were to call someone a parent, would that be Vexen or Xemnas? Or Sora? Or Sora's parents?

The pains of being made in a lab by a shady organisation.]

So... I don't have a birthday.

Are you....a clone of some kind?

[ When in doubt, Walt's mind jumps to science. Cloning is a possibility in his mind. And it would explain a lack of physical parents. Though one could argue the scientists who put the cells together were the parents. ]

There is a long, long wait and then finally she changes it over to private.]

... Of some kind, yes.

[And then she sounds more than a little bit panicky when she adds:]

Please don't tell everybody! I- people get weird when they know. They call me things, things that I'm not... so.

I don't want everybody to know, not when this is supposed to be my second chance.

Oh. Oh no, don't worry. I won't mention it.

[ But Walt does feel pretty honored that she would share something so personal with him. ]

But for the record, I don't judge you. You're still a person, no matter how you came into this world.

Thank you. That's nice to hear.

[And it is. After a whole life time of hearing things like 'puppet' and 'it' and 'doll' hissed at her, being told she's a person means a lot.]

I wish more people thought like that where I came from.

I know it's difficult, but you can't worry about what the majority thinks. Not if you ever want to be truly happy. I mean, you must have friends of your own. People who know, but still like you for who you are.

And who you are is a very nice and very intelligent young woman. I don't see how anyone could think ill of you.

No one's every called me that before.

[She is absolutely blushing shyly at that.]

I don't know- I mean, I'm just trying to be the best person that I can be. I don't know all that much, but I'm learning more and more every day, so maybe one day I can be as smart as someone who's lived a whole bunch of days longer than I got to.

But... I am happy. I'm happy I get to the chance to be more than I was before. Do you feel like that too?

[ There are people in this world like Xion. People who prove to be truly remarkable because of the circumstances they came from and the optimistic outlook they give life. And what Walt wants to say is that having more years isn't necessarily better. What Walt wants to say is that even though you're destined for greatness, people will often times walk right all over you. What Walt wants to say is that the world is cruel and horrible, and being the best person you can be is almost not worth the effort.

But what he does say is: ]

Being happy is the most important thing. It's all you can do for yourself, really.

[ And there's a prolonged pause after her question. He absolutely does not feel that way because he had been at his most/best right at the time of death, but... ]

I have a chance to spend time with some people I lost back home due to my death. And I guess I couldn't really ask for more. Except for maybe my wife and children. It would have been nice to see them once more.

Do you have people you know from home in this world?

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