[04] Voice

[kingpawn]

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Comments

[kingpawn]

Ah. Thank you. I'm still uncertain if this is an actual birthday or a 1 year death anniversary. Not sure which number to keep track of!

[grimreaping]

Nominal conventions aside, which one would you feel more comfortable taking note of? Or there's really nothing wrong with both, given the unusualness of the situation. Although perhaps I'm biased, despite efforts otherwise...

[kingpawn]

I think it's less depressing to celebrate a death anniversary if only because the number is a lot lower than a birthday. It gets a little daunting to feel so old sometimes.

[grimreaping]

Then I see nothing wrong with you choosing that to mark. In any case, I would hope that those who know you see your value in time known, not merely numbers.

[kingpawn]

You are a remarkably mature young man. Has anyone ever told you that?

[grimreaping]

My father seems pleased to mention it from time to time, yes.

[ And Kid, in turn, sounds pretty appreciative of that. ]

It's one of the reasons I feel sometimes the restrictions on imPorts don't necessarily reflect that person's capability.

[kingpawn]

Well he obviously did something right when it comes to you. Is he here?

[ It's not like it's the first time family has been brought together. ]

I would like to congratulate him if he is.

[grimreaping]

[ O-Oh that's wonderful to hear, considering how often Kid berates himself for not measuring up to his father's legacy. He perks slightly, although it's a visible let down when he shakes his head in response to the question. ]

Ah, no, he isn't. There's been no one else here from my world, at least as long as I've been present, nor could I find any record of past imPorts I recognized.

But it's better that he's not here, as he's needed. It would be disastrous if both he and I were away from the world.

[kingpawn]

Disastrous if you were both truly away, yes. But from my understanding, the world goes into a temporary pause when you disappear. Meaning, you will return back home to the same point you left and come back as though nothing ever happened.

So I would see no harm in wishing for your father's presence, if his is the presence of someone you want.

[grimreaping]

I know that's the understanding, but I've been collecting data on those who Port out and return. Approximately half experience time resuming in their world, and the other half don't recall being away at all, as happened to myself. It leaves a significant gap in the margin of error.

[ But then the statistic-voice drops off again. ]

But were I sure of it, then yes, I would like to see him. He and I are very close, and time being paused at home doesn't... lessen the feeling of it passing here.

[kingpawn]

No, I understand. Even though time has stopped for me in both senses of the word back home, I still feel as though I'm living on while the gap between myself and my children grows larger. You miss him dearly, but he's still with you. And your memories of him keep your relationship going strong, even if he isn't physically present.

[ That and you can find a new dad, Kid! Walt's filling out applications. Though...to add to the statistics and maybe give another piece of insight, Walt says: ]

I was ported out. Briefly. One day's time, I believe. I don't know if I can add conclusive information to your data simply because what I experienced was nothing. Whether that was the return to my death or me being ported somewhere else, who knows.

But I would like to think for that time, I had returned to the place I should have been.

[grimreaping]

[ Kid nods, his expression clearly showing that he's glad Walt seems to understand. ]

I'm sorry, that you're separated from your children as well.

[ Moreso, since the whole thing that started this conversation off was the man's musing on his own death. ]

That blankness is also what I experienced when I was ported out. I was gone from this world for a few weeks, but I don't remember going home, nor do I have any changes which would suggest that I did.

Still, memories aren't infallible. Perhaps I did return home, and will recall doing so when next it happens again.