OCTOBER 20TH, 2015

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2015Do you feel it? In the air? Something looking at you? Maybe it's just the SPIRIT of Halloween cascading down your neighborhood, maybe it's just your imagination... But with the brisker weather (something felt more in De Chima and Maurtia Falls, to be sure) comes a change in pace. Are you ready for changes, imPorts?

MEAL TIME
The Department of Agricultural Prosperity has announced a fascinating discovery: they've genetically altered mealworms that grow well beyond the normal scope of the species and will consume styrofoam leaving only biodegradable waste in their wake. Amazing!

ART DECO OR ART NECRO?
As seen in your local newspaper article plus some pictures/video on social media sites from spectators:
Maurtia Falls imPort Wins Decorations Contest!
That was what the residents of Maurtia Falls thought that this grotesque display of bodily horror and inhuman art was probably, anyway. Picture this: from the front walk of a [redacted] imPort residence, there's an extremely brightly lit room with wide open curtains and a body twisted in post mortem agony. It looks to be clawing at the air, with a pillow shoved over its face to smother it to death. Picturesque! Local law enforcement determined the gruesome, HIDEOUS, stuffed display to be the decorative outlet of a particularly disturbed but ultimately harmless individual. Locals have eventually adopted the display as extremely subtle horror art, brilliant in its ingenuity and probably not evidence of a serial killer living next door.

TRICK OR THREAT
As seen on Newspapers. UStube and BlueTube, with watered down coverage on MeTube because children's censorship:
An anonymous terror threat on the afternoon of October 20th sent shockwaves through the city of Nonah. That alleged target: a popular Nonah light rail. Evidence of biochemical weapons are present, a technique publicly associated with imPort criminal Jonathan Crane. The specific public transport line and government offices are shut down immediately. Local businesses in a ten mile radius are closed until further notice. Residents of Nonah have taken to social media criticizing local government for both an insufficient response and a triggered knee-jerk reaction. ImPorts are invited to expose any evidence connected to this threat.

CALLING ALL HOT FELLAS
As seen in newspapers and fliers posted throughout each of the Porter cities:
Three questions: Are you over 18? Are you a man? Are you an imPort that the public just can't get enough of?

If you answered YES to all of these questions, then you may be just the man we need!

We're looking for male imPorts over the age of 18 to model for a series of pinups to be included in calendars and coffee table books, which will be sold to and admired by the adoring public. We know you've got it, so don't be afraid to flaunt it!

All of the proceeds will be donated to charities in each of the Porter cities. Looking good while doing good: what could possibly be better?

Please call Deborah Lannigan at 888-956-4334 if you have any questions or would like to take part!

CRIMSON PEEKS
As seen in local news in Nonah, websites that cover the paranormal:
A group of high school and college students broke into a local cemetery... only to find themselves chased out by angry spirits! The footage of the supposed haunting is incredibly staticky, and sometimes difficult to decipher, but it shows odd lights and multiple figures chasing after the cameraman.

When asked for comment, employees insisted they'd never noticed anything odd around the cemetery, although recently they'd been having some problems with vandals.

What do you think, imPorts? Ghosts or hoax?

IMPORT VICTORY RAISES MAURTIA FALLS MORALE
As seen in ALL major news and online sources:
Natives and Imports attending this month's Halloween themed Swear-In in Maurtia Falls received more of a fright than they likely bargained for. Around midnight, about a dozen masked gunmen crashed the ceremony hosting both ImPorts and local native children, accompanied by their families. What sounds like the beginning of a gruesome story worthy of Halloween quickly turned into a tale of heroism, as the attending ImPorts were described as selflessly throwing themselves between the gunmen and natives to quickly rout the attack. Surprisingly, no casualties were sustained to native or ImPorts attendees, which many in attendance accredit the swift and clean victory to the thorough security measures set in place. Ambassador of Maurtia Falls, Revan, went on record saying "These security features are a result of the dedication and skill of several ImPort minds working in concert for the betterment of all. Now more than ever it is important to protect these events, which are a symbol of our friendship with the natives of this world. Because of this I will be donating several of these security features to the government to be installed at future Swear-Ins to provide them the same protection." Many have speculated that due to the combined might of so many ImPorts in one location banding together, as well as these new security features, people will likely think twice about attacking a Swear-In Ceremony any time soon.

APRIL SHOWERS BRINGS SHARK PROWESS
As seen on NBSea:
Nereus Study Group has reported the female great white shark named April is currently pregnant and making a beeline for the United Kingdom! Researchers have been monitoring the shark's progress in the world since she was caught and tagged last September. Unfortunately, it seems that her male counterpart (also named April) has been defeated or died of natural causes. Researchers noticed his signal had not moved as usual after the two Aprils met, and made a special trip out to check on him. They found a lone shark fin with tracking device still embedded serving as a resting place for a seagull. This takes the total of tagged and tracked great white sharks down to the female April and Lydia. Nereus Study Group only collects the data for these beautiful and misunderstood creatures; the sharks are carefully caught and seen to by the Salty Sea Dogs group near Heropa, started by local imPort Will Graham.

FLORIDA MAN SWIPED A SNATCH OF PUMPKIN SPICES
As seen on an enraged Bwitter and page 9 of The Heropa High Times:
The Great Pumpkin Spice drought continues. So far there are no suspects in who -- or WHAT -- could have snatched away all the pumpkin spice product so familiar to and so deeply beloved by so, so many. The hashtags #pumpkinship and #nutmegrevolution are trending.

WELCOME, AMBASSADOR URQUHART!
As seen in all major network channels, public radio stations, and quite frequently on Rumblr:
Congratulations to the newly elected imPort Ambassador of Nonah, Francis Urquhart! In a exciting neck-and-neck election, Urquhart pulled in just one vote ahead of his political rival Raina. As of October 20th, 2015, Ambassador Urquhart will lead Nonah's imPort community alongside Ambassadors Hundred and Revan.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from TANGERINE to BLOOD ORANGE in response to the mysterious biochemical threat leveled against Nonah.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

voice

[bestsword]

Modeling, huh.

[Yeah, he's got nothing to say about the videos he saw on meTube while working, he knows what body that is.]

voice

[glitchinthesystem]

No.

Voice

[chasedtherabit]

The security measures are only good until someone finds a way around them.

[And she's certain someone will, some day. That's how this kind of thing works.]

voice

[exsithstential]

It may happen. But I hope that other ImPorts and I will be able to keep the measures updated. It may not be perfect, but it's a start.

[text]; ID reads Kaito Kuroba

[tuxedo_magician]

Blood Orange?

So what's 'OMG WE'RE GETTING ATTACKED?!' Fire Engine Red?

text

[orions_shadow]

This is news?

text

[orions_shadow]

Oh wait guys

why no import pet calendar?

voice.

[sweetarts]

[ Bubblegum has yet to meet her roommate who literally never leaves the basement. She's not even sure if there's anyone down there, to be honest, but the door is locked from the basement-side and she's sure she's heard something down there. Movement, toilet-flushing, anything. But there has been a little bit of a pumpkin scent to everything that's been near that door.






....Nah. ]

Mealworms? That's where advancement in biological science is going?

video;

[brushoff]

Dibs on being Mister November.

[ Dorian, no. ]

not here;

[hisheartsdesire]

[Toby wonders that maybe if his powers were neutralized, he could sign up to model. /sigh]

video

[dicktate]

Two is better than one. How about a twin spread?

Video

[lucke]

Give people a taste of Irish heaven AND support charity?

[Uh oh.]

I'm in.

Video

[outlawrain]

What, you gonna show up drunk?

text

[khajidont]

It looks like someone's taken over Booster's territory

video;

[brushoff]

And about time too! I've only got a few months left in the Sexy Booster Gold calendar, I've got to start thinking of something else I can put up at home.

[ let's be real though, that Sexy Booster Gold calendar ~mysteriously appeared in the trash~ a few times, thanks anybody who's visited Dorian who has taste. ]

[Video]

[medalsome]

Hey, if there are any vacancies left for fine fellas I definitely know a guy who fits the bill.

[He points his thumb to his chest.] Me.

[Hey, he may not be a household name yet but just give it time. People will be lining up to see him as he walks down the streets before too long. Besides its hard to not start remembering his name; he yells it any time he enters a battle or throws a punch.]

[Video]

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Laughing, but oh no, Joaquin, you are kind of cute in a dumb jock kind of way and this nerd knows someone who might think you're good calendar material. Yeah, Newt's buying a calendar to harass Hermann with]

Wow. Vain much? No, but, that's cool, nice stache and all, not quite a Tom Selleck, but yeah, definitely screams machismo.

What's with the eye patch, dude? Battle scars? Or just trying to check off all the Tough Guy Stereotype boxes? Got a Rambo-style bullet belt slung over your chest, too, or leave that back home?

voice

[outlawrain]

Uh, so long as I can have like... a winter month or somethin'. Maybe December?

...Unless the blue dip wants to do somethin' together.

text

[stealwithit]

This is the best idea in the history of ideas.

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I've got the feeling you aren't talking about the worms.

video

[dicktate]

Don't bother calling to be a handsome model. All the calender needs is me. It will be sold out within five minutes if I am involved.

Voice

[bindsthedead]

Please tell me no one's taking that story about hauntings seriously- I work in that cemetery, it's certainly not haunted- if it was, I would know.

[ text ]

[bestversion]

it's probably a halloween prank. they come out at this time of year.

video;

[rideme]

Oh I am so doing that modeling crap.

[bestversion]

I don't suppose we can petition for certain people to show up in the spread?

like captain america

[walkingballpit]

I didn't think the idea could get any worse...

text | 10/22

[restingstitchface]

A gatecrashing? Within Revan's bastion of security? Doesn't look like somebody was impatient enough to attend without invitation. Seems more like an organized effort to me.

I can smell the corruption festering in the air. One might suspect the ambassador orchestrated the entire ordeal for political gain. Of course, there's no end to corrupt behavior in his city, is there?

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[He knows he shouldn't take the bait and yet]

Can someone tell me why the Hell he still has Network access?

agito loev sharks this is very angering

[akito]

What the fuck????
How many sharks were there to start with?
I'll fucking kill whatever's killing them! Fuck!

[Text]

[sleight_of_hand]

Blood orange?

Isn't that just red?

[SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT, it may as well be him.]

the best place to start this cr

[amadaman]

It's definitely red, but they also put tangerine.

They either like fruits a lot or are pedantic.

video;

[alcheregis]

[ Haen almost made it past mealworms. ]

Oh, was that a thing that was needed? Someone should have told me. I don't know why you didn't choose a larger animal though, if your concerned about getting rid of things by volume.

[Video]

[tactile_telekinesis]

Why 18 and over, huh?