( voice )

[nitidus]

[In the background, the siren call of cats meowing heartily as Rose feeds them. ]

Three things, all of vague importance. I am stuck between two costumes and want them both as a surprise. So: pink or blue?

[Meow, meow - and a huff from Rose.] Secondly if I hear of a single black cat being harrassed I will be paying personal visits to any and all perpetrators to teach the value of feline care. And the third - thank you to whoever decorated my yard. This has been the best gift I have received all year. How does one get a skeleton to skateboard? With great skill, obviously.

[She is so blessed.] Anyway, happy Halloween and all that.

Comments

text;

[timeframes]

you say that but i know the consequences of supposedly simple questions
one second its 'pink or blue dave' and the next its 'so blue means you love dick and pink means you have unresolved dependency issues'
im not touching it and want to go on the record as having zero opinion or input on your halloween costume

SELF DEFENSE rose i dont fuck with cats who dont fuck with me

and yeah i arranged it anyway
through obviously reliable skeleton delivery and decoration sources
so part of the credit goes to anonymous sources on the network
and im the ideas guy
full of ideas

Re: text;

[nitidus]

Good lord Dave. You are helping me pick a Halloween costume, not selecting random numbers from the Kinsey scale.

Your very presence provokes them. I think they can remember Davesprite and miss the feathers.

I've taken pictures and uploaded them to my Instagram account. Hashtag sick moves.

text;

[timeframes]

fine
blue

and thats not my fault your cats gotta stop harshin on my vibe
cant help it if theyre passing judgment on me for the sins of my alternate bird self
his sins such as having feathers and shedding apparently
anyway that was entirely hypothetical i have never harassed your cats and dont plan on it
had a moment the other day with one of them
like we looked into each others eyes and nodded like two passing respectful warriors

text;

[nitidus]

Thank you.

I'm proud of you. But also, you might want to check under your bed for ... gifts.

text;

[timeframes]

are you serious
what are we talking gift wise here rose this is important
there is a whole gamut of disgusting that you could be referring to and im going to need clarification

[There might be a thump from his room as he hastily drops to the floor to check under his bed now THANKS ROSE]

text;

[nitidus]

Well, it could be either poop, vomit or a dead mouse.

I mean, cats really are full of surprises.

text;

[timeframes]

i keep shit under there
who do these furry motherfuckers think they are
first they steal from my collection
then they potentially violate my primo apple juice storage spot

[the "collection" being one of the variety of small animal bones he's dragged into the house. don't point out the hypocrisy. at least he doesn't deposit bodily functions on the living room floor.]

you gotta train them

Re: text;

[nitidus]

Well, now the cats keep shit under there too.

You can't train cats, Dave. It's far too late. They're in their teenage rebellion phase.

text;

[timeframes]

cant believe this is the way i get treated in this household
after i get you what is possibly the best freakin halloween gift known to man
my room gets turned into a litter box

text;

[nitidus]

Oh dear sweet, Dave. Perhaps your room has always been a litter box.

text;

[timeframes]

yeesh
thats pretty brutal whether its a comment on my general cleaning skills or some sort of vague threat your cats have been taking advantage of me for months
listen a dude doesnt always have time to clean in his busy schedule
i got a bro to attend to and school or whatever and burger meetings
seriously i am a dude on the run

[nitidus]

I hate to say this, but your room is much tidier than mine. Not cleaner, but. Tidier.

Save for my cats ruining it. Or improving on it?

[timeframes]

well yeah a guys gotta keep his tonk hawk memorabilia organized or that shit is hard to appreciate
cant be scoping the dudes ultimate skateboarding skill set if all my junk aint tidy
a pristine fuckin museum of early 90s relics chronicling the time where we all collectively thought scooting our flared jeans asses around on a plank of wood for children was suddenly THE sickest shit in the goddamn world
he may not exist in this universe but hes still a goonish butterface that exists on that line between too boring to exist and inexplicably a household name and that shit is fascinating
or maybe im just too harsh on a dude just trying to make a living hawking terrible glitchy video games and playing with a toy for twelve year olds
tony hawk rant over for now but expect this to be visited again soon
but all in all id say a few smashed handmade kitsch collectors items and some hidden cat piss probably does improve on it

[nitidus]

My eyes glazed over somewhat, but I presume this was some sort of deep metaphor for the massive crush you are harbouring for Tony Hawk and you are worried my cats might sully his image - images? - while going about their cat like business. I assure you that they won't. Your one true love is safe.