video

[performance]

[ SOME NERD is addressing the network today, dressed for fall with a fashionable blue scarf and sipping a cup of coffee. It's been a while. He's feeling chatty. ]

Question! Are there any responsible-ish pseudo-adult figures out there who'd be willing to give driving lessons? Someone — hint, it's me — is turning sixteen in December. Time flies! And I'd also like to fly. Ideally in a hover car. Ideally-er without crashing it into a tree.

Not-question: welcome, newbies! I'm Dick Grayson. I'm a Sagittarius, I like long walks on the beach, computer programming, and electronics repair, I'm totally available for math tutoring, and I microwave a mean Hot Pocket.

And I've been here for about a year and a half, so if you need any questions answered, I can try really, really hard to give you more than just a giant question mark in response, but... well, there are still a lot of question marks. So here are a few quick answers to some common questions. Yes, this is actually happening, no, we don't know what the deal with the Porter is, yes, you really have superpowers now, and no, you don't have to put on a cape. But I totally support you if you do. You're doing important work, and almost everyone looks good in a cape. Science fact.

Comments

[sidecars]

Yeeah, tell me about it! I had no interest in living up to some ol' bureaucratic fart's legacy. I sure's hell was gonna make my own.

[performance]

A legacy involving helicopters, apparently! Which is objectively way more exciting than politics.

[sidecars]

Right? Yeah, I think I made the right decision. Not to brag or nothin'... It's a pretty grand life.

[ Brushes shoulders off mmhmm. ]

[performance]

Sounds like it! Sooo, are you military, then?

[ He hazards a guess. Bucky doesn't look that much older than him, but the number of reasons someone would know how to pilot helicopters and jets... well, that's the most likely, statistically. Sure, Dick can pilot the Batwing in an emergency, but that's not exactly typical, and he's not about to admit it without a mask on. ]

[sidecars]

Yeah, Army! Well, back home at least. And you... Is being shanghaied by an unknown force and made to fight everything an almost-hover-driver could want?

[ He has no idea about this kid. Dick seems normal, and rather at ease about everything. He may have had a year to adjust, but even still his willingness to help new people suggests a level of comfort he wouldn't expect from any normal civilian.

Bucky was breaking Jerry necks at sixteen, so he is the last person to assume anything about someone because of age and a golly gee demeanor. ]

[performance]

Aw, I'm having a blast. [ Sure you are, kiddo. ] I mean, maybe not when it comes to the whole possibly being sent out into the harsh Russian winter to fight for my country thing, but luckily that hasn't actually come up yet. Which is good, because I'm a lover, not a fighter. Quadruple somersaults, yes. Knifeplay, I don't know. I'll leave that part to you.

1/2

[sidecars]

[ Bucky is snorting soo hard. ] Quadruple, huh? [ He so ain't buying. Bucky's good and he can't do four in a row. ]

2/2

[sidecars]

.... Are you serious? You're not serious, right?

[performance]

[ LAUGH WHILE YOU CAN. ]

Don't believe it?

[sidecars]

I'll believe it when I see it, springy. And if do see it, I just came up with a great way to infiltrate Russia...

[ Seriously, just don't ever give Bucky any ammunition for anything. He comes up with plans like people eat chips, one by one quickly. ]

[performance]

I'd show you if I had a trapeze handy. You need height for it.

[ He demonstrates with a flippy, twirly hand gesture. ]

What's your idea? Human cannonballs?

[sidecars]

Okay, well I think that if I'm facilitating a helicopter for you, you can scrounge up a trapeze for me and show me what you got!

[ Bucky laughs. ]

Nah, but they sure do love their circus, and if you can pull of four somersaults, well, that's a money maker. And I known Russian. We can just take 'em down from the inside!

[performance]

[ He laughs, too, giving a thumbs up to the trapeze idea — really, he wants to now, anyway. Gotta prove himself. ]

Infiltrating through showbiz, huh? Are you offering to be my manager? I was actually in the circus, you know. So it'd be totally authentic. On my end, anyway.

[sidecars]

Yeah, manager or mouthpiece! Whatever we need! I know some carnival tricks from a friend a'mine, so we could just be a travelling dynamic duo! The best and deadliest!

[performance]

Haha! I'll let you be the deadliest, I'll just be the best.

[sidecars]

Yep, that totally works, pal! So I'll be hearing about this trapeze show soon, right? I mean if it's all true what you say you can do...

[ Yep, Bucky's rubbing it in. ]

[performance]

Oh, please. It's okay to admit you just really really really want to see it.

[sidecars]

I admit nothing!

[performance]

That's practically an admission in itself!

[sidecars]

It's not! [ Ugh, you are getting the narrowed eyes, son. ] Just, shhh! [ He even holds his finger up to the camera. Put your snarky mouth right there please! ] Don't ruin the moment.

[performance]

[ He holds the comm up to his face obediently, succumbing to the shushing finger for just a moment before he bursts out laughing again. ]

I didn't know we were having a moment.

[sidecars]

[ Oh goddamnit! He can't keep a straight face at that. ]

Oh there was definitely a moment. It was back when you were so impressed with my infiltration ideas and my knowledge of the Russian language! Remember that moment? I liked that one.

[performance]

Oh, yeah, that was a good one! Let's go back to that. Say something Russian to me.

[sidecars]

Hmm, let me think... Something good. [ Bucky taps his fingers against his chin as he thinks. ] Okay.

Когда я борюсь нацистов я ношу колготки.

[performance]

[ He takes a minute with that, his brow furrowing. He knows some Russian, but he's an awful lot better at translating than speaking. And even so, that can't possibly mean what it sounds like it means.

Can it? ]

... The element of surprise?