APRIL 20TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2016

THUMBS UP FOR COUNTDOWN
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, with a focus on music websites and publications:
ImPort singer and occasional diplomat Count Dooku recently announced a new direction for his government-assigned symphonic metal band. 'Sulfur Mustard' will now be known as Countdown, and has launched a new album by the same name, which has provoked controversy among commentators who perceive radical anti-government messages lurking in its lyrics.

The 'Countdown' album is advertised as a musical saga paying tribute to the historical imPort heroes who helped reform the United States 'police state' regime in the late 1980s. Yet according to many in the mainstream media, this is mere pretense for messages promoting illegal vigilantism, resistance to authority, and opposition to the Cold War.

"This so-called 'music' is an outrage against American values," according to a statement released by the influential media advocacy group Manifest for Moral Magnitude or Triple-M. "Our citizens- our children- should not be exposed to songs that undermine their patriotism and promote disorder against the government. Our nation is at war- our homes were invaded. The last thing we need now is self-righteous imPort celebrities like Count Dooku undermining the people who protect us by stirring up old issues and spreading distrust. We call for opposition to this un-American music and the companies that promote it, and for real citizens of this country to heap shame upon 'Countdown.'

When approached for comment on the controversy, Count Dooku stated that he prefers to let his group's art speak for itself, and that Countdown will continue to pursue its own style of music and politics- regardless of any outside pressures which may be brought to bear. Countdown will be performing live within the four Porter cities throughout the spring season. Initial ticket and album sales have been notably sluggish in reaction to media backlash against this subversive song-slinging.

AND EVEN SECOND BREAKFAST
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a potato.

It can be for breakfast sometimes.

IN THE NICK OF TIME
As viewed upon BlueTube, the original content entitled 'ORIGINAL RUNNING LATE MAN VIDEO!', with memetic output on Rumblr:
The Running-Late Man: Unmasked!

After the talented Nick made himself known in the Artist Alley of FanPort and communes with the locals, a niche yet growingly popular gag meme on ImPort devoted blogs take up the help of social media frenzy Running-Late Man -- the man whose powers are greatest when he's five minutes behind schedule!

The meme started a few weeks back when someone caught a (shaky) shot of Phoenix Wright jumping a high fence on a bicycle with a piece of toast clenched between his teeth, and then quickly spiraled out of control (as most internet running gags do). Since no one knows his name, he's simply been called Running-Late Man up until now, and with him showing up at FanPort, he's going to cause a surge of Running-Late Man fanwork on people's dashes.

Running-Late Man has already ignited a furious shipping following with an imPort nicknamed The Caped Cravat, believed to be Miles Edgeworth. Surely, surely there will be more ships to set sail! But maybe not in a timely manner.

BEETLE V GREEN LANTERN: DAWN OF HOT HUNKY FANFIC
As seen on BlueTube:
If you venture into BlueTube, you might find a collection of a shaky, distant videos of select portions of the fight.

Green 'If there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty' Lantern fought Blue 'This bat lantern vigilante has been consistently targeting me' Beetle in an epic and costumed fisticuff session. Heroes! In tights! Beating each other up!

There you can see some damage on the streets along with Heropa 012 being almost entirely demolished and minor damage to 014. No casualties are noted -- Green Lantern successfully lead the fight to a more remote area. Given the general good will that Green Lantern and Blue Beetle (ALL OF THEM OKAY) inspire, this will probably set off a firestorm of conspiracies.

Neither of them can be found later to comment.

HE'S BEDEVILED YOUR HEARTS
As seen on BlueTube and thoroughly discussed on Bwitter:
Lucifer was reported to have crashed a handful of other imPorts panels, most notable emerging from backstage during Jeff Winger's panel LAWYER AT LARGE: IMPORTS' IMPACT, INVOLVEMENT, AND INFLUENCE ON TV & MEDIA and kissing formerly thought to be heterosexual Mr. Winger full on the mouth in front of his adoring fans. Later Lucifer appeared in the crowd during the final moments of LEAVE ME ALONE & DON'T TOUCH MY LUGGAGE and had, as reported by a totally unbiased fan, "a steaming moment" with the wizard Rincewind under the noses of adoring fans.

TAKE NOTE THAT both things, and Lucifer's heckling at other panels, are hitting social media, and while there are plenty of different angles of video on BlueTube covering Jeffifer's snog, what really happened between Rincewind and Lucifer has become a game of whispers on Bwitter, with people claiming to be there and suggesting a variety of different ridiculous things happened, #rincifer #godshonesttruth--Lucifer took him in his arms and flew away with him, Rincewind summoned an army of skeleton-corpses to protect him, and then flew away on a broomstick, etc. An upswing in fanfiction has resulted from both incidents, as well, with Rincifer tending toward the darker of the two.

HOT NEW FANG
As seen on news stands and in the online publication content:
The latest edition of the fashion magazine Chic includes an exclusive interview with imPort designer Kanaya Maryam, and in time for the release of her new clothing line. She talks about being a new mother, living among humans, and laughing off continued rumors of a vampire army, but the heart of the interview is still about fashion.

In talking about her design philosophy, she said, "I've never seen fashion as about following trends, or wearing what the industry decrees as popular. I encounter that opinion often, mostly from outsiders, and I understand where it comes from. But, for me ... it's a compromise between the vision of the designer and the client's. If you don't look and feel good when wearing something with my name on it, I haven't done my job."

As pieces have begun appearing in boutiques throughout the eastern seaboard, Maryam Designs has quickly become the talk of the fashion world, especially as imPort fervor hits the industry. Maryam has plans to expand her studio, hoping to bring her designs nationwide. Her studio can be contacted for further information.

THE KING OF CROON
As seen on BlueTube and spread over Rumblr:
An anonymous person recently uploaded a song by imPort heartthrob Manolo Sanchez entitled "I Love You Too Much" onto the internet. Thanks in part to the imPort fever surrounding this month's convention, the track quickly went viral, reaching over 5 million plays within a matter of days. Sanchez's passionate love ballad has clearly struck a chord with listeners across the nation, inspiring several people to upload videos of the guitarist's performances in various cafes throughout Heropa, Nonah and Maurtia Falls. It has also reignited interest surrounding his unexpected song for the Mexican government back in January. Rumor has it "I Love You Too Much" is part of a larger concept album, and a growing number of fans on Rumblr and other imPort-focused fan communities are hungry for more.

POTTY MOUTH OF WORD
As seen on Bwitter, and then inexplicably national news:
Regional real estate troll Ronald Chump has made headlines, somehow. As of 12:38AM on Thursday morning, he has been posting mean "beets" and memes on social networking site Bwitter -- and all about imPorts.

Some of the sampling:

12:38AM
Dooku? More like Dookey -- like his music!
12:45AM
What has Fartley Rathaway been tootin' about?
12:56AM
DiarrMaria's popularity in the toilet again.
1:05AM
What kind of pervert names their kid Dipper? Dipper, I hardly know her
1:10AM
Tony Stark Naked -- no one needs to see that!

And so forth. With hours worth of inane content, if you take a look you might see your own name.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to BWITTER BLUE because of CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, AMERICA!!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[wizzardly]

The domestic what? Are those better or worse than the "lemons"?

[slightlyoffchilt]

You've now made citrus profane.

[wizzardly]

That's rather rich considering what I've read in your tag. Your fans seem to think you lack the muscle tone to be off your knees for too long.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh! [He spluttered -- the sound of a man who was thankful that he hadn't been drinking coffee at the moment.] You --! Well! At least I was never handmaiden to a inexplicably centaur Lucifer.

2/3

[slightlyoffchilt]

... Unlike you.

3/3

[slightlyoffchilt]

Emphasis on hand.

[wizzardly]

And yet I think I still prefer it over having the dubious honor of forming the center of even more dubious "group therapy".

A twenty-part series, that one was, if I remember correctly.

Your fame truly has opened doors for you, hm? Among other things.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Why were you reading a twenty-part series about libelous affairs concerning me?

[wizzardly]

I didn't say I read it all the way to the end.

[a beat, and he admits reluctantly:] And it was only because my name was in it as well. I don't suppose you've heard of something called "Wind Chill"?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh my god. Is that... What I think it is?

[Of course it is. Of course.]

We never should have attended FanPort, you and I.

[wizzardly]

[of course it is. If Chilton cares to look it up later he'll be pleased to find that version of himself has apparently fixed his muscle tone problems. ...Mostly.]

I only went because of a rather convincing group of elderly Southern women. Did you have an excuse?

[slightlyoffchilt]

My agent. She and the publishing house rep were in cahoots, and they thought it wise that I attend. For book signings.

I didn't sign up for that.

[wizzardly]

Did anyone have you sign their own little books? The - oh, the wossnames - the comics?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I did have things thrust before me that were not published under my name, yes. You crossed that barrier, too -- I remember a depiction of you included with my own image. You were somewhat distressed. Gagged.

You might want to quit while you're ahead.

[wizzardly]

- Yes, yes, all right, truce. [this following a brief coughing spell.]

Honestly, if anyone needs a psychiatrist it's these sorts.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I specialize in the criminally insane, not the irrevocably insane.

[wizzardly]

Give them time.

[angelfire]

"Wind Chill"? That's wonderful, I couldn't have thought up better myself. You have to give it to these people, they are at least inventive.

[wizzardly]

[ahaha oh shit that's right weren't he and Chilton supposed to pretend at a lack of familiarity?]

Inventive is certainly a word for it. I mean, you - you should see the theories regarding my use of skeleton armies. Who even uses those anymore? Bit hard to swing a proper sword without tendons. No ears to hear commands with either, very impractical.

[angelfire]

[ Well oops it's a bit late for that now isn't it? ]

I certainly wouldn't trust a skeleton army with doing anything useful. Now a ghost army might just do it, but well--someone's seen a little too many Greek mythologies. I'm sure the same people think you can make wings out of chicken feathers and wax.

[wizzardly]

People do tend to think all sorts of incorrect things, it's one of the hallmarks of humanity, I believe. Such as assuming connection between two individuals who don't at all have one. Like you and myself, for example. Or myself and Mr. Winger, or Dr. Chilton, or really anyone else, I mean it's all just fantasy. - Feathers and wax, as you said.

[angelfire]

Sometimes fantasy becomes reality, of course, but it's not really my kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, it sells, of course, but I'm just not that into the whole human bodies writhing together thing. Writhing in agony, maybe.

[wizzardly]

I think I'd as soon avoid writhing of any sort if I can manage it.

[angelfire]

You're quite the cowardly lion, aren't you?

[wizzardly]

People always seem surprised to learn that about me, no matter how often and how loudly I've told them.

...Although "lion" seems a bit out of place there.