006 | voice

[textualhealing]

I’m going to be honest with you here network, I’ve been avoiding you.

It’s not you, it’s me. I just needed some time apart from all the self-congratulating, needy social media bullcrap that this network breeds. I mean, it’s no Rumblr, but sometimes it comes a close second.

Pro tip: if it’s not about me I’m just not interested. [Hopefully that’s a joke, but there’s a big possibility it isn’t.]

But I’m here to extend the olive branch of apology for depriving you of my company for a long ass amount of time, and also remind you that the second season of my show finished airing not so long ago, so buy that shit when it’s on DVD so I can get your money. Or… a very small percentage of it.

[Best salesman ever.]

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Janet Jackson is wealthier than you are. Easy thing for her to claim.

[textualhealing]

I dunno, man, I'm pretty loaded. And the richer you are, the more free crap you get. So free psych session, right?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I work by a different policy -- the wealthier you are, the more you can pay into the system. Blame the Democrats.

[textualhealing]

That doesn't sound like the America I know and love.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You're from where again? The west?

[Colorado: not West Coast, not Midwest, but purely and soundly West West.]

[textualhealing]

America.

[Look, he's not proud of Greendale, but it's home.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

I'm going to assume Texas, then.

[That's an insult, given Chilton's Tidewater sensibilities.]

[textualhealing]

Do you honestly think I seem Texan to you?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Easily from Austin. The uncomfortably liberal part.

[textualhealing]

Colorado, you dumb ass.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I'm not the dumb ass given that it's so easy to get you to forfeit information. Who are your clients? I might want to remind them of the high risk package that is Jeff Winger.

[textualhealing]

Figured you already knew that information. You know everything, don't you, Chilts?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Funnily enough, we never really discussed much of your life before coming here. I mean, aside from your profession and skill with the fairer gender.

[textualhealing]

That's all there is to know: I'm a lawyer and I'm popular with the ladies. Might be that I know more about your past than you know about mine.

[slightlyoffchilt]

It is strange, isn't it. Since when don't you want to talk more about yourself?

[textualhealing]

I know right?! I'm like a man of mystery.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Even to your friends?

[textualhealing]

Gimmie free psych and buy me dinner, and I'll tell you everything you wanna know, baby.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Sounds more like a date, honestly.

[textualhealing]

I mean, if that's what you're into, then sure. Raina might get jelly though.

[slightlyoffchilt]

She encourages me to expand my hobbies.

[textualhealing]

Then lets go on a dinner date. You, me and a candlelit dinner for two. Somewhere nice and expensive.

[slightlyoffchilt]

French cuisine?

[textualhealing]

Whatever you want, babycakes.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I know how you like fine wine. Just demonstrating how I have you in mind.