004.

[magnitudes]

( ooc: this is a pretty ridiculous post, but just chucking this behind a cut in case! Sarissa's kind of flippant and terrible sometimes, so I'm also gently linking an opt out post if there's any topics you'd sooner not come up, or would just prefer to opt out of cr with her generally :]b

content warning: discussion of cults, reference to serial killers, and potentially murder/group suicide/any else terrible that could tie into cults that could come up in the comments. I'll update as necessary. )

username: dropbears.

basically I've been told that unless I manage to successfully build a cult I'm inferior to alarming murderers

as such I'm doing some research into what would most appeal to my impending adoring followers
know a lot of you adore me anyway, but you know, gotta get those still on the fence to lean over this way some more

so

1. What would make you most likely to join a cult?

a — immortality
b — discounts
c — motivational speeches
d — free food
e — sugar gliders
f — other

2. What do you think is most important for an inspiring cult leader to have:

a — statues
b — a catch phrase
c — someone following them and djing a soundtrack to their life wherever they go
d — terrifying giant hair
e — sugar gliders
f — other

3. How do you feel about obeying my every instruction?

a — seriously though
b — don't do it
c — bad decision
d — really you'd regret it
e — sugar gliders
f — other

4. Isn't "The Cult" a 90s movie with witches?

a — no, that's the The Craft, go home
b — stop talking about the 1990s
c — stop talking about pop culture references that aren't from my world
d — my life is hard because I don't enjoy fun things
e — the sisterhood doesn't approve of this false coven
f — other

5. Sugar gliders?

a — all hail our marsupial overlords
b — amazing
c — amazing
d — amazing
e — my opinion is meaningless
f — other

Comments

[rathercommon]

[ Her eyes narrow in displeasure. ]

[magnitudes]

I'm serious, pastry isn't good for you. Honey, nectar, fruit, for a sugar fix? You got it. Insects and stuff? Easy. Pastries are not gonna happen.

( a battle of wills that will go down in history, doubtless )

[rathercommon]

[ A twitch of her tail - and then she disappears from the camera. She comes back about two minutes later, dragging a shortbread cookie with her. And she takes a big, defiant bite of it. ]

[magnitudes]

Oi, where are you—

( but it's less mad, and more crestfallen that her smol sugar glider friend has left. And then she returns, only to make Sarissa gently rest her face in her hands.

Muffled, )

Jesus Christ.

[rathercommon]

[ MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. She is a free marsupial, damn it. ]

[magnitudes]

I'm texting Kitty right now.

( Muttering to herself: ) Don't even care if I'm dobbing in a bloody sugar glider or it makes me sound like I've totally lost it.

( And then comes a moment of realisation. )

But you're using her device. ( hey! ) Did she give you that shortbread?

[rathercommon]

[ The sugar glider flicks her tail in annoyance. As if she'd need anyone to give her the cookie. She is too good a thief. ]

[magnitudes]

( IT'S TOO LATE she is sending all the links and pdfs regarding proper nutrition for sugar gliders to Kitty that she can get her hands on

RIP )

[rathercommon]

[ Oh dear lord
After like the fourth buzz, the video turns off and Sarissa gets a text ]

Please stop.

[magnitudes]

( AHA )

processed sugar's seriously bad for them, but

[rathercommon]

But what

[magnitudes]

no that's just an australian thing, we put 'but' at the end of sentences instead of at the beginning or in the middle sometimes

or i guess it's a kinda rural thing maybe

it was indicating i was objecting, is the point

[rathercommon]

Oh. Well. You ought to take that up with her, not me. I don't decide what she can or can't do. That'd be oppressive.

[magnitudes]

bloody
animals don't read nutritional information!!!
is this because I didn't want to make a Chump effigy to burn?

[rathercommon]

OK that's basically asking if I'm treating an animal badly as revenge for you not doing something. That's COMPLETELY MAD. I wouldn't ever.

[magnitudes]

so
okay fair enough
you agree it's bad or you just found a flaw in my logic

[rathercommon]

The second one, obviously. I think it's fine but you were just basically accusing me of cruelty which I take a bit of exception to thank you.

sarissa needs to spend less time fretting about animals, probably

[magnitudes]

it's to do with the way their guts work, they're basically lactose intolerant, far as I can figure out
so lactose means dairy and dairy means butter and guess what's in pastry and bloody shortbread? butter. it's bad for them.

and processed sugar's bad, too. it's kinda toxic for them. like caffeine and theobromine are too, so they can't have chocolate or get into coffee or anything like that.

I'm not being a dick for the sake of it, animals try to eat shit that's not good for them all the time. it's not oppressing her to keep her healthy.

[rathercommon]

[ Siiigh. But god knows Kitty can't help but respond to things that are genuinely sincere and generally concerned for vulnerable populations. So... ]

You really oughtn't worry. She's a creature of magic, not biology.

[magnitudes]

oh MAGIC okay

wait
seriously?

( hang on. she's just going to quietly pinch the bridge of her nose and die inside. )

if you can pretend I didn't just get all intense about diets for marsupials that'd be great

[rathercommon]

No, I liked it. I'm awfully fond of people who get intense about things they care about. Especially when what they care about is creatures who are small and vulnerable.

[magnitudes]

oi
I don't care about things, I just like to prove other people wrong

[rathercommon]

Don't be stupid. It's good to care, it's not something to be embarrassed about.

[magnitudes]

sorry
you're breaking up
white noise
crackle crackle

[rathercommon]

Who are you even trying to fool?