004.

[magnitudes]

( ooc: this is a pretty ridiculous post, but just chucking this behind a cut in case! Sarissa's kind of flippant and terrible sometimes, so I'm also gently linking an opt out post if there's any topics you'd sooner not come up, or would just prefer to opt out of cr with her generally :]b

content warning: discussion of cults, reference to serial killers, and potentially murder/group suicide/any else terrible that could tie into cults that could come up in the comments. I'll update as necessary. )

username: dropbears.

basically I've been told that unless I manage to successfully build a cult I'm inferior to alarming murderers

as such I'm doing some research into what would most appeal to my impending adoring followers
know a lot of you adore me anyway, but you know, gotta get those still on the fence to lean over this way some more

so

1. What would make you most likely to join a cult?

a — immortality
b — discounts
c — motivational speeches
d — free food
e — sugar gliders
f — other

2. What do you think is most important for an inspiring cult leader to have:

a — statues
b — a catch phrase
c — someone following them and djing a soundtrack to their life wherever they go
d — terrifying giant hair
e — sugar gliders
f — other

3. How do you feel about obeying my every instruction?

a — seriously though
b — don't do it
c — bad decision
d — really you'd regret it
e — sugar gliders
f — other

4. Isn't "The Cult" a 90s movie with witches?

a — no, that's the The Craft, go home
b — stop talking about the 1990s
c — stop talking about pop culture references that aren't from my world
d — my life is hard because I don't enjoy fun things
e — the sisterhood doesn't approve of this false coven
f — other

5. Sugar gliders?

a — all hail our marsupial overlords
b — amazing
c — amazing
d — amazing
e — my opinion is meaningless
f — other

Comments

[magnitudes]

true
I mean no one's going to be joining a cult for bit of burnt toast
or a can of haggis
I'm not joking, I've seen that shit knocking about, canned haggis
nasty

[dirtyredneck]

I could live with canned haggis and burnt toast. Probably wouldn't join a cult over it. Might listen to their pitch while I ate.

[magnitudes]

what like
a bit of haggis
smeared onto burnt toast
mate
that's intense

[dirtyredneck]

No. Just either or.
Well, maybe together.
Could live with it.

[magnitudes]

I am kinda morbidly curious about what that'd be like
reckon we should try it?

[dirtyredneck]

Hell no. I ain't been that desperate here. Save it for when you got nothing better. More likely to keep it down.

[magnitudes]

I've been there
not with haggis on toast, mind
and usually the "nothing better" is induced by a hangover or having nothing left in the kitchen and being too lazy to go shopping

[dirtyredneck]

[If that was what she thought desperate was, she'd had a pretty decent life so far. No need to drag her down. Could be fun to mess with her, though. Just a little.]

Sure.
You ever had squirrel?

[magnitudes]

( mostly decent. some twists, here and there. not always the sort of thing she shares with strangers. )

nah
don't have many of those in Australia
eaten rabbit and kangaroo

[dirtyredneck]

Never had kangaroo. It any good?

[magnitudes]

pretty good, kinda gamey?
you can buy it in Woolies and Coles and all that
I prefer lamb most times, but roo is good when you know how to cook it

[dirtyredneck]

Sounds like snake.
Any meat is good if you know how to cook it. Most people just don't care to learn.

[magnitudes]

Can't say I've eaten snake, but most of the ones back home probably shouldn't be eaten.

Hey, wait, do you know how to cook snake good?

[dirtyredneck]

Ain't done it in a while. Would have to practice. Don't see the point in wasting the meat for it.

Could jerk it.

[magnitudes]

fair enough

I got a party on the night of 5th November
beach barbecue, fireworks
was gonna see if you'd be up for trying to cook up some up then
I mean you can come either way, but if you'd be up for it then I'd be mad keen for it

[dirtyredneck]

I'll think about it. I'm moving into a new place and got a lot to do.

[magnitudes]

yeah, course mate. if you can make it, you're welcome. if not, no worries.

if you need an extra hand moving shit, I can give you a hand. enhanced strength may as well do something more useful than opening difficult jars.

[dirtyredneck]

Already got me a heavy lifter. Porter seems to like handing that out like candy.
But thanks for the offer.

[magnitudes]

ouch
you know how to make a girl feel special

anytime. unless it's not convenient, then I'll be a contrary, melodramatic bastard.

[dirtyredneck]

If she don't get to feel special about it, why should you?

Guess you'd keep it interesting. Annoying. But interesting.

[magnitudes]

because I am a gift, is why

I'm good at all those things

[dirtyredneck]

Unexpected, unasked for, and easily exchanged? Can't rightly say you're wrong in the assessment. Winky Face.

[He doesn't get emoji's or really how to do them properly, but he didn't want her thinking that wasn't a joke. She'd been entertaining so far.]

Keep it up, this cult of yours'll be rolling in creepy followers in no time.

[magnitudes]

if we had a very different dynamic
and I'd known you for more than twenty-something messages

then I would say that I'm tied up with ribbon and awaiting unwrapping
there would definitely be a winky face involved, too, but it'd be less charming and lighthearted than yours and probably more deluded about how good at flirting I am

the point is that even if I knew you really well, it'd still be weird and a bit alarming, so even then I might not

I'm beginning to think I'm too much of a free spirit for a cult, honestly

[dirtyredneck]

[That got to the point of awkward real fast.]

Okay.