maskormenace

( ooc: this is a pretty ridiculous post, but just chucking this behind a cut in case! Sarissa's kind of flippant and terrible sometimes, so I'm also gently linking an opt out post if there's any topics you'd sooner not come up, or would just prefer to opt out of cr with her generally :]b

content warning: discussion of cults, reference to serial killers, and potentially murder/group suicide/any else terrible that could tie into cults that could come up in the comments. I'll update as necessary. )

username: dropbears.

basically I've been told that unless I manage to successfully build a cult I'm inferior to alarming murderers

as such I'm doing some research into what would most appeal to my impending adoring followers
know a lot of you adore me anyway, but you know, gotta get those still on the fence to lean over this way some more

so

1. What would make you most likely to join a cult?

a — immortality
b — discounts
c — motivational speeches
d — free food
e — sugar gliders
f — other

2. What do you think is most important for an inspiring cult leader to have:

a — statues
b — a catch phrase
c — someone following them and djing a soundtrack to their life wherever they go
d — terrifying giant hair
e — sugar gliders
f — other

3. How do you feel about obeying my every instruction?

a — seriously though
b — don't do it
c — bad decision
d — really you'd regret it
e — sugar gliders
f — other

4. Isn't "The Cult" a 90s movie with witches?

a — no, that's the The Craft, go home
b — stop talking about the 1990s
c — stop talking about pop culture references that aren't from my world
d — my life is hard because I don't enjoy fun things
e — the sisterhood doesn't approve of this false coven
f — other

5. Sugar gliders?

a — all hail our marsupial overlords
b — amazing
c — amazing
d — amazing
e — my opinion is meaningless
f — other

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, I wouldn't shoot down the business card idea. A religion is arguably but a professional cult, why not shoot for the stars?

Even your sarcasm possesses charisma. I'm sticking to my theory. Perhaps your sisters would even allow me to expound upon the details of that theory -- but then again, I wouldn't want to invite too much skepticism when your cultish ambitions are still nascent.

Take Me To Your Leader: The Sarissa Experience
might need to work on the slogan

Mate, I already said you could have the exclusive documenting and publishing rights, no need to lay on the compliments.

That said, maybe the skepticism is what will make my cult uniquely successful; I invite questions and obnoxious behaviour.

Who says that I'm flattering now? Perhaps these are simply my observations, forever documented on the Network. Historians will have to acknowledge your personal magnetism.

[He isn't going to kill his swooning words that quickly.]

Interesting -- like a honey trap of a cult. Replacing sexual desire with a philosophical one, of course. Unless it is also that kind of cult?

Ha, I see
Nicely done, very subtle

I mean if I'm alluring people to the cult with anything it's probably this spanakopita I make
pretty legendary
not really down with the sexual cults, though, seem a bit creepy
as opposed to the non-creepy type of cult, of course

The novelty of a non-sexual cult would probably draw in a fresh breath of participants. People do get tired of seeing the same old, same old -- there is something to be said for trendsetting.

[A hipster cult is what he does not say, for all implications abound.]

But I do have a question: am I being lured in by such mention of your spanakopita as we speak? Could very well be an invitation employed by a cult master, I must beg for clarification.

yeah, I can see that being the main draw of a cult with no sexual coercion or abuse; just something a bit different.

( if only her rich, rich sarcasm could be adequately conveyed via text )

That depends how much you like spanakopita. And besides, I never said you could have any.

What, is spanakopita now for inner circle members only? Seems a bit heartless. I could very well be a starving man.

[Immediately he saw the flaws in that hypothetical. Then, as correction:]

A man starving for decent spanakopita.

This would be a prime opportunity to display psychopathic tendencies, I'd like to point out, simply by denying a starving man spanakopita.

Thankfully I'm a benevolent sort. Odds are if I did deny you it then I'd be stuck with too much to fit in the fridge. Disaster.

Are you implying that I'm simply waiting for the opportunity to witness such behavior? That I might even be provoking it?

[Because he absolutely was.]

That would be unethical. But thankfully, like you said, you are the benevolent sort. And pragmatic. Pragmatically benevolent? Is there a preferred order?

When will I get my spanakopita?

No, absolutely not. Can't imagine a fine, upstanding bloke like yourself doing that. Sounds wrong.

Well, I imagine a truly benevolent pragmatist wouldn't be too fussed about the order. More pressing concerns to be seen to, and it's hardly the sort of thing to be too harsh over. Bam.

Depends how hungry you are and if that means you're willing to head to Heropa right now, I guess.

Exactly. [He is pretty sure that she's being sarcastic, but to address the matter would be like admitting he wasn't a fine, upstanding bloke. It was a sneaky predicament indeed.]

Fair point. If this were in fact some benevolent pragmatist test, you would have passed. Luckily for the both of us, not even psychiatry is that involved with pedantry -- yet. I think an expansion of the Myers-Briggs may be in order soon.

Heropa? Oh no, so far away. But do you know what Maurtia Falls desperately needs? A spanakopita shop. You'd have a monopoly. None would dare challenge your authority.

but it's cold in Mauritia Falls

it's like fake England

Pennsylvania is not fake England.

That would be Maine.

004.

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