💣 004 | text | backdated to the 10th

[devoutish]

[Who knows who this is meant for. Whoever it is, they're not getting it; it's showing up on the public network instead.]

I bring her sweetbread, she's got wine in the kitchen, things are going very nicely. Then a giant fuck-off snake slithers into the room, as long as I am tall and thick as my forearm.

I'm telling you, mate, I nearly left right then and there.

Comments

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[dirtyredneck]

[thus far he'd been avoiding any public association with Alfie, but hell if this wasn't a story he wanted to hear more of. not the whole wine and dine bit, but definitely about the snake.]

Did you kill it?

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[devoutish]

[Well, fuck. And he'd been doing so well with avoiding the misposting issue, too.]

I did not kill the woman's pet snake, no.

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[dirtyredneck]

Oh. One of them.

Did you pet it?

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[devoutish]

I did not. Fucking hell.

[instars]

It's not polite to kiss and tell.

[devoutish]

Certainly not. Wine and bread only.

[instars]

And snakes.

I'm assuming there wasn't any untoward suggestion.

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[snoobs]

[ There's just a scoff.

And it's not the part about sex that has her miffed. ]

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[devoutish]

[He's not telling people about the sex!!!!]

Messages are still acting up.

[Hey, Hemali.]

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[snoobs]

"Fuck-off snake"?

[ HOW. DARE. ]

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[heckblazer]

. . .

should I even ask whether the sweetbread is a euphemism

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[devoutish]

Bread with honey.

[heckblazer]

Pfft. Sponge cake or bust, mate.

[mischiefsmith]

I'm under the impression than, in some parts of the world, snakes make for good eatin'

[devoutish]

You're the second person to say that. Yeah. Where are you lot from?

[mischiefsmith]

I cannot specify definitely where anyone else is from, but I come from Asgard. And we certainly are not a picky lot when it comes to good eats.

[acclimatized]

That does sound like a deal breaker.

[devoutish]

You're also not a fan of pythons?

[acclimatized]

Not really. I once visited someone's house for work and his flat was full of snakes. It was like a reptile house.

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[arsiento]

[ ... He can guess who this is about... ]

is a fuck-off snake any different from a regular one

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[devoutish]

A fuck-off snake is three times as big as a regular snake.

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[arsiento]

a snakes still better than a dog, at least you know it aint gonna bark or bother you
you afraid it was gonna eat you?

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[baetiful]

So why didn't you?

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[devoutish]

I'm an open-minded man.

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[baetiful]

And a bold one. She must have been worth it.