maskormenace | 1 ♠ [ video ]

[ Armstrong knows he can't just blindly advertise himself and his powers on this network. After all, to his understanding, anyone can be looking at this and he's not exactly sure what impact his actions could have on the public. With that, he's going to just post a harmless message that will garner the attention he needs from possible comrades and, hopefully, charm others into talking to him…. with his body.

His Hawaiian, pink floral print with tropical trees (decorated down to the last detail! There are coconuts with happy faces!) shirt rips revealing a diamond-cut physique that shines with sparkles as he flexes in multiple positions. ] Hmph! I am Alex Louis Armstrong! And it appears that I have been sent here for reasons that are similar to your origin in this heroic land! [ His shirt reforms, this time, the Hawaiian shirt is green and has turtles with sunglasses. ] It will be an honor to serve alongside all of you and I wish many successes upon you in hopes that, one day, you will develop a perfect muscular system just like mine! [ RIP. Another shirt explodes and drifts into pieces as he makes some super sexy playmate endorsed poses to demonstrate his upper body girth. A new shirt forms, replacing the old one with a standard white Hawaiian shirts with red cartoonish crabs. ] If anyone would like help developing their body, please do not hesitate to give me a call! Honing these intense muscles have been a trait passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!

[ Heropa, you may pour yourself a drink right at this very moment. ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ummmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM]

Er...Good day, Mr...Armstrong. That is...The...gratuitous semi-nudity is really, truly not necessary, sir.

[ prosecutor pls. ]

This isn't gratuitous nudity! This is a display of muscles and physique! It's an open advertisement for those who want muscles like mine! Or enjoy sparkly buff men! [ The second demographic is admittedly small, BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE... ]

Well, this - This network is a place for - discussion. Not for advertisement!

(Wow who's the guy with all those tacky Hawaiian shirts, oh it must be a new--)

(....Wait.)

I can provide dietary tips, exercise regimens, and, also, with my physique, provide heavy lifting for the citizens who need it! There will be plenty discussion to be had about my muscles! [ is this the real life.... ]

(THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON I KNOW WHO WOULD SO WILLINGLY RIP OFF HIS SHIRT LIKE THAT.

COULD IT BE)

(......

It is.)

That - Perhaps - I do not understand - Please just put your shirt back on.

(I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR SHIRTS KEEP REGENERATING THEMSELVES (ARE THRY HOMUNCULI JESUS) BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T KEEP RIPPING THEM OFF NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU)

[Hubba hubba!]

You sure do go through a lot of shirts! [now your pants]

(No, relax, Mustang. This could work towards your advantage. After all, the Major is very reliable. Any ally would be helpful here.)

(DEEP BREATH)

(SIGH)

[Enthusiastic applause from one bara to another.]

Major Armstrong.

(....)

You seem to be adjusting well.

Edited 2014-07-08 22:49 (UTC)

I do already have a shirt on! [ See? The cartoonish crabs are just abundant on his shirt! ] I can customize it and have a shirt that suits your tastes, provided that it is Hawaiian, if you wish! [ ARMSTRONG THAT KIND OF DEFEATS THE POINT.... ]

I had...

[He clears his throat.]

Stopped...looking after the...first, but yes, it...seems you do. Can you perhaps...remain clothed?

[ In a typical Major Armstrong, Real Human Tears will be spouting just at the decibels of Roy's calming, soothing voice. ]

Oh! Colonel!! It is so relieving to hear your voice. I wish it was in Amestris, but, still, I won't take your voice for granted! [ The tears subside. Just being able to talk to Mustang is enough for his large and in charge heart. ]

How may I help you?! I offer my full assistance. [ He trusts you!! I mean, he's secretly praying and wishing that you aren't Envy but your stunned silence SEEMS LEGIT... ]

I do! Heropa has gifted me with the magic ability of shirt regeneration! [ Hey. Get a look at these muscles. These muscles that you have clearly never seen before! Not even earlier in this post! He flexes and displays his beautiful ripped body, before his hawaiian shirt is replaced with coconut trees. But, here's the selling point.

The coconuts are Sukuyo's beaming face. ]

Anything I can imagine it can appear on my shirt!

[Why is he suddenly feeling a cold dread overcoming him? That voice, the sparkles.....the shirts and muscles. Oh.

Of course Armstrong of all people would show up......

Ed isn't sure if he is brave enough to respond to this yet or ever and evidently fails to realize the phone is recording him too, since he's still adjusting to using these stupid phones.]

Major....

[ Someone actually likes the brilliant display of his muscles? Armstrong is actually pretty used to the whole freak-out, put your shirt back on routine to the point where an enthusiastic response from someone who isn't his youngest sister is almost a little tear welling.

Well, not a little. Armstrong will have some streams coming from his eyes but that's okay. He'll triumphantly twirl ripping off his shirt and LOOK AT THAT! Hey! His body glistens and glitters a beautiful, totally manly pink. ]

To reintroduce myself, I am Alex Louis Armstrong! Please, tell me your name! Avid admirer of muscles! [ this is shaping up to be the greatest day of his adult life. ]

[GASP] How cute! Wow, this is the second best clothes-related ability I've ever seen!

[ Coming straight from the Natasha comm: ]

Your superpower is to spontaneously rip your clothing apart and regenerate new vestments in their place? Interesting.

Has that been passed down along the Armstrong family line for generations as well?

[ OH MY GOSH!!! It's his (second) favorite boy! Sorry, Ed, but Alphonse is held in higher regard because Alphonse hurts his feelings a little less.

Still, this is starting to become more emotional than an Armstrong family reunion. Here's another voice he thought he'd never hear again! ]

Edward! It is such a pleasure to hear your voice again! [ Even if it's weak and trailing off... ] I hope you have been doing well in this heroic city, as I know you need no help in heroism! [ although he's kinda not nice, but that's not the important part when you're saving the world. ]

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DONE SORRY

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DON'T WORRY, MUSTANG MUST HAVE SO MUCH FEELINGS....

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I might have to drop after this thread because this is going to be a magnum opus

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