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[heartboxer]

[ Armstrong knows he can't just blindly advertise himself and his powers on this network. After all, to his understanding, anyone can be looking at this and he's not exactly sure what impact his actions could have on the public. With that, he's going to just post a harmless message that will garner the attention he needs from possible comrades and, hopefully, charm others into talking to him…. with his body.

His Hawaiian, pink floral print with tropical trees (decorated down to the last detail! There are coconuts with happy faces!) shirt rips revealing a diamond-cut physique that shines with sparkles as he flexes in multiple positions. ] Hmph! I am Alex Louis Armstrong! And it appears that I have been sent here for reasons that are similar to your origin in this heroic land! [ His shirt reforms, this time, the Hawaiian shirt is green and has turtles with sunglasses. ] It will be an honor to serve alongside all of you and I wish many successes upon you in hopes that, one day, you will develop a perfect muscular system just like mine! [ RIP. Another shirt explodes and drifts into pieces as he makes some super sexy playmate endorsed poses to demonstrate his upper body girth. A new shirt forms, replacing the old one with a standard white Hawaiian shirts with red cartoonish crabs. ] If anyone would like help developing their body, please do not hesitate to give me a call! Honing these intense muscles have been a trait passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!

[ Heropa, you may pour yourself a drink right at this very moment. ]

Comments

[voice]

[glassinine]

[ummmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM]

Er...Good day, Mr...Armstrong. That is...The...gratuitous semi-nudity is really, truly not necessary, sir.

[voice]

[heartboxer]

[ prosecutor pls. ]

This isn't gratuitous nudity! This is a display of muscles and physique! It's an open advertisement for those who want muscles like mine! Or enjoy sparkly buff men! [ The second demographic is admittedly small, BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE... ]

1/?

[incendere]

(Wow who's the guy with all those tacky Hawaiian shirts, oh it must be a new--)

[incendere]

(....Wait.)

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[housenurse]

[Hubba hubba!]

You sure do go through a lot of shirts! [now your pants]

[heartboxer]

I do! Heropa has gifted me with the magic ability of shirt regeneration! [ Hey. Get a look at these muscles. These muscles that you have clearly never seen before! Not even earlier in this post! He flexes and displays his beautiful ripped body, before his hawaiian shirt is replaced with coconut trees. But, here's the selling point.

The coconuts are Sukuyo's beaming face. ]

Anything I can imagine it can appear on my shirt!

[juuustice111]

[Enthusiastic applause from one bara to another.]

I might have to drop after this thread because this is going to be a magnum opus

[heartboxer]

[ Someone actually likes the brilliant display of his muscles? Armstrong is actually pretty used to the whole freak-out, put your shirt back on routine to the point where an enthusiastic response from someone who isn't his youngest sister is almost a little tear welling.

Well, not a little. Armstrong will have some streams coming from his eyes but that's okay. He'll triumphantly twirl ripping off his shirt and LOOK AT THAT! Hey! His body glistens and glitters a beautiful, totally manly pink. ]

To reintroduce myself, I am Alex Louis Armstrong! Please, tell me your name! Avid admirer of muscles! [ this is shaping up to be the greatest day of his adult life. ]

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[braided_icarus]

[Why is he suddenly feeling a cold dread overcoming him? That voice, the sparkles.....the shirts and muscles. Oh.

Of course Armstrong of all people would show up......

Ed isn't sure if he is brave enough to respond to this yet or ever and evidently fails to realize the phone is recording him too, since he's still adjusting to using these stupid phones.]

Major....

[heartboxer]

[ OH MY GOSH!!! It's his (second) favorite boy! Sorry, Ed, but Alphonse is held in higher regard because Alphonse hurts his feelings a little less.

Still, this is starting to become more emotional than an Armstrong family reunion. Here's another voice he thought he'd never hear again! ]

Edward! It is such a pleasure to hear your voice again! [ Even if it's weak and trailing off... ] I hope you have been doing well in this heroic city, as I know you need no help in heroism! [ although he's kinda not nice, but that's not the important part when you're saving the world. ]

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[assassinat]

[ Coming straight from the Natasha comm: ]

Your superpower is to spontaneously rip your clothing apart and regenerate new vestments in their place? Interesting.

Has that been passed down along the Armstrong family line for generations as well?

[heartboxer]

Nope! This ability was given to me upon my arrival in Heropa! [ The universe did everyone a favor. ]

The Armstrong family skills vary from wood-chopping, to cross country, to outrageously strong strength, to portraiture! The Armstrongs are a well-versed, affluent family whose high status has allowed them to take up many hobbies! [ Awesome. Right? Just awesome! ]

[darwinatrix]

[Face, meet palm.]

Every time I think you can't be more of a travesty, Alex.....

can he even filter??? OH GOSH... well, um...

[heartboxer]

I have my reasons for wanting to advertise my most special power on the network. [ Well, hopefully that message is subtle but effective enough. ]

How are you holding up here, Olivier? Need any assistance?

[bodyshots]

[And with so much confusion-]

But where are the shirts coming from...?

[heartboxer]

I think of them, and then they formulate around my body! If you want, if you give me a specific request I might be able to fulfill it. [ Go for it Yellow. You know you want to. ]

video. 1/2

[alchemicallybonded]

[He'd know that voice anywhere! Sure enough there's Major Armstrong and...

Yep, his shirt is gone. T_T That's not really surprising.]

[alchemicallybonded]

[He raises a hand, metal creaking in the process and it may be hard to tell but he's happy.]

Major Armstrong! You're here too.

[VIDEO]

[nomorepantiesplz]

[Apollo's just staring, in complete disbelief. It takes him a long moment before he can even think of anything to say.]

I'm. Going to take a wild guess and say you work at a gym?

[VIDEO]

[heartboxer]

Actually, I'm a basic military instructor now! I do not work in a gym, although I do my own exercise regimens without going to the gym. I've surpassed most gym equipment. If I need to get lifts in, I find a parking lot and do reps with cars. [ In complete seriousness. His voice does betray his demeanor, though. He still looks friendly. ]

tragically this is not a response of any kind

[fingerbang]

[ WELL THAT SURE WAS A BROADCAST
seriously though where were all you people like four years ago this is like playing whack-a-mole ]

[heartboxer]

[ what type of irony is it that lust is























forever alone. like that's something you expect from envy. ]

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[dragony]

[ There are too many questions she never wanted to ask.

How is this a real person?? ]

How many shirts did you prepare, for a show like that?

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[heartboxer]

I don't have to prepare anything! I merely think of them and they appear! Watch! This one will have waves and surfboards! [ He rips off his shirt and glistens in the sun. Another shirt starts to form, having, as he commanded, waves and surfboards. ]

Do you have any requests?

permavid

[glassbox]

[ Squint. ]

That's all natural, huh.

[heartboxer]

Of course! This perfect physique has been created by genetics and a perfect family training regimen to harness the incredible strength and muscles of the Armstrong clan! Two of my sisters have a body exactly like mine and there is no shame about it!

[ you can let that sink in for a moment before you just puke all over the place. ]

voice

[biotically]

[ Oh. My. God.

Where does all that cloth come from? ]

Are you okay? I'm pretty sure people aren't supposed to break that many shirts in so many minutes.

voice

[heartboxer]

Ripping these shirts means nothing when you can regenerate them from scratch! [ HAHAHA. He is the ultimate super villain in the sense that he's thought all of this out. ]

I am just fine! In fact, I don't think I've ever felt better! Now I can do whatever I want with my shirts! [ Some triumphant but almost villainous sounding laughter will follow as he sparkles. Also, he sparkles the color pink. ]

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[larker]

[Is just going to stare, mouth slightly ajar. This is possibly the most hilarious best introduction he's seen on this network. Ten out of ten for traumatizing everyone else.]

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[heartboxer]

Hello! I see you are standing in shock and awe at such a muscular talent before you! [ Flexing so sexily rn. Isn't he more appealing than that Rod Stewart song used in those chips ahoy commercials, Do You Think I'm Sexy? ]

May I ask for your name?!

video/ Well then.

[bulwank]

[What

spirit.]

[He honestly isn't sure how to react at first and then something hits. Something, deep, something- natural and dark for any human, natural but- enough to make your stomach toss here and there. Envy? Jealousy, perhaps- something in him, making him need to contest this man. This very impressive, well built man.]

Greetings Mr. Armstrong! It's a pleasure to meet you, sir, and may I also introduce myself! [Loud and proud, buffing his chest. Not the type to strike poses but he certainly is- big already. His arms crossed behind his back, thick chest expanding out as he holds his posture to perfection, shoulders back, stomach in, stretching at his black and gold regalia.]

Gamagori Ira, and-!

[How are you, doing that with your shirt. Not the splitting thing but the reappearing part. That's- impressive as well. Blinks then- pulls in another breath of air.]

Perfect muscular system, eh? Heh, I commend you for respect for you body. A failure to do so is so common with people in this new generation. It is appalling to those who take such time and dedication in it!

i don't even know what this thread will become but i will worship the end result

[heartboxer]

[ Someone with a similar viewpoint of his own!? Armstrong feels like the girl on the titanic. Right now, all he wants is to be painted like one of those french body builders. He enjoys a little friendly competition! ]

Gamagori Ira! It is a pleasure to meet someone with similar interests and advocacy in health and muscle tone! [ In fact, have some applause and some FLEXING. ] I have to admit, I do want the younger generation to take better care of themselves. They seem to think muscle mass just falls from the sky and can just be easily obtained with some running! There's no portion control no dietary awareness, no crunches, no dead lifts, nothing! I always try to encourage the younger generation to drink their milk and eat their vegetables no matter the cost! [ Ask Ed and Al aka the only two children he's able to impact. ]

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[futurefree]

Have you ever thought about wearing a larger-sized shirt?

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[heartboxer]

I have, but it made me come to the conclusion that I could not rip it off or take it off with ease! [ #Armstrongproblems. ]

Besides, I do not think I can control the sizes of my shirt. Once I think of a design, it simply generates around me. The size is never thought about.

[action]

[yatagarasu]

[And this is Kay applauding his display. At least he wouldn't have to spend money on shirts anymore! His power is so cool! Yeah, that's probably a power right there.

His excitement is also contagious, so have Kay attempt to mimic his poses, flexing her not-so-buff girly arms and then striking some heroic poses. Obviously there will be no shirt-ripping in her case. When she speaks, she adopts Armstrong's exact voice and tone.]

Don't worry, Mr. Armstrong! I'm learning self-defense so one day I'll be a big strong hero like you!

[action]

[heartboxer]

[ Cherish this face, Kay. It might be the only time you ever see Armstrong just this shocked. He appreciated the visual mimicry but the vocal...? It's a touch too much, but damn he's not going to let that make him shy away. ]

Wow, wow! It seems like we have similar voices! Maybe this means that you are adept enough to pick up the Armstrong family boxing techniques! [ he knows you really want to, Kay. Don't lie. ]

[detriments]

[You can practically hear the laughter in her tone, but Christine isn't playing to mock him. Oh, no, nothing of the sort.]

My, my, Mr Armstrong. You're quite the specimen.

[heartboxer]

I am glad someone can see the value of muscular men protecting the city! [ Flexing the shit out of himself rn. ]

May I ask for the name of the correct beholder of beauty? [ laying it on a little thick is a specialty that has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations! ]

[everylittlething]

Oh my gosh! You have to show me how you do that shirt trick!

[Um... not that she's going to do it herself.]

And come to think of it, have you ever considered working in magic?!

[heartboxer]

I'm afraid that it's an ability that's only specific to myself. [ He pauses. ] It's a gift Heropa has lent me! [ And he intends to milk it like a farm's only cow. ]

I have never considered working in magic but I am an alchemist if that helps anything.

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[resoul]

How'd you-- was that a stripper shirt? That was... you know, I think I'm lost for words. What do you benchpress, trucks?

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[heartboxer]

[ He pauses, and seriously considers the question. ]

I do bench-press and reps with cars but if there is a larger vehicle than that, I would appreciate the locations of them! I am always looking for a larger challenge! [ Yep. This is a man who can physically keep an enemy from charging at him by placing his hand on the enemy's chest. And keep in mind, this enemy destroyed a tank that tried to do the same thing. ]

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[chiefdefense]

...Um.

[Hold on, give her a minute.]

That's... very impressive.

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[heartboxer]

Why thank you, ma'am! It is nice to have someone that appreciates the healthiness of these robust muscles!

May I ask for your name? It is only fair that I remember someone that appreciates the true value of beauty!

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[sticktokicks]

[Now this is a man who takes fitness very seriously. Chie is impressed with his dedication! But she can ask him about his workout techniques later, there are more important things to worry about.]

Major Armstrong? It's Chie, remember me from the boat?

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[heartboxer]

Of course I remember the woman I shared several precious steaks and words with! [ Armstrong ALMOST looks offended she'd ask but he can understand. It's been a hectic half-week. ]

How may I help you, Chie? [ Also the Major Armstrong is a very nice touch! This lady can clearly respect her elders! ]

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[powerkicks]

Do your shirts always do that?

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[heartboxer]

Are you talking about the breaking or regenerating?! The regeneration is new but my shirts will always rip!

[symbionic]

[Holy shit this is...he doesn't even have words for what this is. He could do that, but that's because of the cheating alien symbiote.]

...well that has to be a great trick at parties. Kudos, man.

[heartboxer]

I am not sure about how much of a party trick this is. I do not attend parties. [ Oop. ]

I do know that sometimes my muscles and sparkly appearance can boost morale! Sometimes, it's not as successful. [ Whoops. ]