[ video ]

[tweaker]

[No, that's not Eminem. That's Jesse Pinkman, just two years younger but looking more like ten years younger (because the meth business will really do a number on you).]

Yo, okay. Maybe you guys can explain something to me, 'cause I been trying to be all open-minded about this shit but I'm starting to get the feeling I'm on an episode of Punk'd or something.

Help me out: If superpowers are real, how come I don't fucking got any?

I been trying, you know? Not jumping off any buildings to see if I can fly, 'cause I'm not retarded, but like... If we're in Comic Book Land now, I feel like I oughta see some evidence, yo. Where's the TK? Where's the laser eyes? Do I gotta go radioactivate my ass first? Somebody point me in the direction of the nearest toxic waste dump.

Come on, don't tell me I'm the only guy having this problem around here.

video; no id

[saidyes]

[ Who is this handsome devil giant on all your video screens? Handsome devil, that's a joke, because this is literally the devil in a different meatsuit. Not that that's immediately obvious. It's a couple of days into the pull point plot, long enough at least for Lucifer to get his bearings, and work out that this is the best way to approach the situation. His noisy other self - selves - have made a sticky situation stickier, true, but this world--oh, it's ripe for the picking. He just has to approach it the right way. Make friends. Fortunately he has a pretty new face with which to do exactly that. His expression is warm and intent. ]

Okay, I think I figured this out.

Hi. I'm uh--well, I'm Sam; Sam Winchester, and this is apparently not the first time I've been here? Selective memory loss, I guess; not like it would be the first time.

So... Where do I even start? I mean, back where I come from, we don't really talk about this stuff. It's not exactly anything people usually believe, but then you guys have been living it for a while, huh? So when I say I'm a hunter, that me and my brother hunt supernatural creatures - vampires, werewolves, ghosts - that's probably going to be a No News Tuesday, right?

[ He rubs his chin, begins to gesture at the screen and then stops, dropping his hands into his lap, out of sight. ]

No, it's still weird talking about it.

[ He's still fidgeting, folding his arms across his chest and creasing his brow apologetically. ]

Okay, long story short, my brother and I got tangled up in the apocalypse, and all sorts of things we barely believed in turned out to be real. The Devil, for example. Angels.

We fought him, back where I came from - Lucifer - which is why I guess I'm even talking about this... I know he's got his claws in this place--I mean, what kind of world gives the Devil a TV show? I want to help. I can help. It'll help me out too, because maybe if I know who he's screwing with, we can work out how what his angle is, and how to stop it before it gets too far.

[ A pause. ] I was going to say something else, but I've forgotten. I guess...is anyone here I know? Dean? Bobby? Cas? I should...probably stop talking now. Okay.

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

U-uhm...

[ There's a reedy little kid peering into the video, looking really nervous and very distressed over what's going on. He has the cellphone really close to his face, and he's squinting at it, like he's having trouble seeing. ]

O-oh... I think this is working... Um... c-can anyone tell me what's going on? I-I was just going to cram school and...

I-I'm in... Florida?

[ That distress on his face just increases, and he bit his lip, rubbing at the back of his neck. ]

I-I really want to go back... I need to study a-and... I need to get out of this... thing I'm wearing. It's too big. And it smells like cabbage and beer?

ten wild roars ✪ fail!video; id: wild tiger

[earnedmystripes]

[HELLO who's ready for some really shaky/jerky video??? This guy's last phone was of the flip variety so he's now trying to figure out this newfangled """"smart"""" phone and sucking at it royally.

Which means, instead of centering on his face like a normal post on the network, everyone's treated to a good (?) view of his embarrassing old suit from various angles until he loses his patience and just sort of talks in the direction of the camera.]

Heeeeeyyy, so uh, listen, I'm totally down for helping you guys out with the whole hero thing, really I am--Wild Tiger, at your service!

But uhm, no one's in trouble right now are they? 'Cause it'd be super great if I could like, be at your service tomorrow or something, instead. See, my wife's having our baby like right now, and I reaaaaaallyyy need to be there or my ass is gonna be in the hottest water ever. Well, actually, I needed to be there half an hour ago but there was this situation--

Anyway!! If someone could point me toward whoever I gotta talk to, that'd be amazing, I'll owe you one. Or ten. A lot, okay. Thanks in advance!

Now how do I shut this thing...off....

[Pls excuse Screwy Feed v.2 Return of the Revenge while he just starts randomly poking at his comm, and eventually succeeds in shutting off the video but actually just has turned it to audio haha OOPS. SO there's gonna be some obnoxious ambient noise until the post times out.]

[video]

[pixiestyx]

[Oh hey, on the screen is everybody's favorite(?) bubblegum fairy girl! Er, except she looks quite a bit different. For one thing, she's got bat wings instead of dragonfly, and for another, she's wearing significantly less than usual. For the third, her body language is completely different--she's lounging like she's trying to look as alluring as possible.

She may look like Megan Gwynn on the surface, but otherwise she comes off as a totally different person.]

Hey scrubs!

[She twirls a lock of her hair, smirking.] Not that I don't appreciate the free digs and everything, but what's with the ambiance, huh? How's a girl supposed to get any action in, like, suburbia hellhole? It's so squeaky clean around here I bet you can't even kill a guy. What's there to do here that's fun?

[Her grin widens and she licks her teeth, which should give any viewers a decent impression of her idea of fun.]

Anybody who feels like living it up a little give me a yell, 'kay? Nightmare out.

Video - Please raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by Joker's shitty universe

[boneitis]

[The most obvious thing, at least for those who know Joker, about this message from him is that he looks different. Not just tired-- though he does look tired-- but actually older by something like a good decade. There's obvious gray shooting through his beard and at his temples, but if there's any more it's hidden under his hat. A scar cuts across his cheek, shallow and faded, but when he turns his head a little it's clear that the bullet that caused it took a chunk out of his ear, too.]

Hey there, party people.

[His voice and tone sound pretty close to the same, though, so it can't be all bad, right? Right?]

So I've got one of those deep, philosophical-like questions for you: if a guy has a massive mental breakdown in the middle of the end of civilization as we know it, does anybody give a fuck?

[Or not. It could actually be all bad.]

Survey says! Probably not. I mean, I guess this whole universe hopping thing could be theoretically possible if my life was the kind of sci-fi B movie that didn't have a downer ending-- who writes this shit, am I right?-- but let's be real. The most likely explanation is that I'm totally out to lunch right now. I'm really more surprised that it took this fucking long, like, seriously, it's about time. And, hey, I fucking hate Florida and one of the few comforts in my life right now is that the Reapers blitzkrieged it off the fucking face of the Earth, but at least my crazy hallucinations have given me a beach that isn't on fire. Would've appreciated an open bar, but I'll take what I can get.

[Or really not. Like, super not, this is the complete opposite of good.]

Ooh, is this gonna be the part where I get visited by the Ghosts of Crewmates Past? Bit of a genre switch, but hey, I'm down, I'm kind of sick of sci-fi survival horror. It'll be like A Christmas Carol, except Scrooge is too late to save Christmas and Tiny Tim is already dead.

...Wait, does that make me Scrooge or Tim? Eh, whatever.