001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

Rags to riches is a metaphor. It's not a literal thing. I don't have to wear actual rags to portray a man rising to new heights, I just have to start off from scratch- which I'm clearly already doing- and succeed.

Maybe I'm just making it look too easy, but I can't help being this awesome.

[selfequipped]

It's definitely a pride thing. How are you making it look easy if you haven't even started?

[ferrisbuellean]

By giving such an amazing opener on the network? It's not a pride thing to congratulate myself on a job well done!

[selfequipped]

Unfortunately, we're a very, very small part of your audience. An almost forgettable part!

[ferrisbuellean]

Well, I reckon I can fill the rest of my margins with desperate housewives and imPort lovers.

[selfequipped]

They're surprisingly willing to flip-flop on us. Something to do with us being ungrateful or whatever. I wouldn't bank on that.

[ferrisbuellean]

Then I'll stick to those who'll remain forever loyal: Housewives. My face is enough to pull in thousands of lonely women.

[selfequipped]

I'd like to think they'd wisen up to it, but even I know that's naive of me.

You've won this round.

[ferrisbuellean]

So you'll definitely be watching? You owe me that much.

[selfequipped]

I'll give it a shot.

But I hope that doesn't mean you just framed me as a housewife.

[ferrisbuellean]

Don't worry, you don't seem the sort. That was just a poorly timed encouragement to help my ratings.

[selfequipped]

That's a relief. I'd have to start worrying about my image.

Not that I have anything about housewives.

It's just not my thing. Or my ever thing.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeeeah, you don't seem the type. You should be out there breaking hearts.

[selfequipped]

Too busy playing hero to break hearts. That's just sort of how it goes. Priorities, right?

Of course, I could be lying. [And could just have a terrible-as-of-recently relationship history.]

[ferrisbuellean]

You're one of the actual heroes then? Not just some schmuck with super powers?

[selfequipped]

That's right. It's kind of a carryover from back home.

[ferrisbuellean]

No kidding. Cool. So what was your thing?

[selfequipped]

Archery.

Which is way more badass than you're thinking, so don't say it.

[ferrisbuellean]

Nah, that's not lame. Although I'm pretty sure it's been done before.

[selfequipped]

Yeah, I wonder why it's been done before.

Possibly because it's useful. I'm not out here to be a hipster about being a hero.

[ferrisbuellean]

Well that's reassuring to know. Do you have archery super power or are you just like... really good at shooting stuff with arrows?

[selfequipped]

Do you even know what damage arrows can do? Just checking. But it's definitely the latter.

[ferrisbuellean]

Well, I know they can kill a human, sure. But can they pierce through the skin of some of these super types?

[selfequipped]

Not always, not unless you have a specialized arrow. But most of us aren't gunning for each other, so to speak.

[Which, come to think of it, is refreshing.

What a weird thing to realize after a year.]

[ferrisbuellean]

What are we gunning for? Seems like us being here is kinda pointless.