001 | Video

[moneyballer]

Okay, so this superhero gig? Best. Thing. Ever!

[Each word is accompanied by animated hand gestures and unnecessary head bobbing. Better get used to it.]

Yo, this is frickin’ awesome! I mean, I wanted to defend the law and all, but this? This is better than all the wet dreams I’ve ever had! And, phew! I’ve had some great ones. Madonna? She may be old, but that chick can get it.

[Why is he gesturing to the viewer like he won an Oscar or something? What the hell is his problem?]

Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead walking around in spandex and a pair of tighty-whities, but… You can’t deny that this bodacious badonkadonk-

[Asher sets the device on the table in front of him, doing a twirl for the camera. Oh god, is that a booty pop? It is. Someone stop this man.]

Would look great in a supersuit.

Comments

2/?

[moneyballer]

[it's a duuuuuuuude]

3/3

[moneyballer]

[Still, the attention is really nice.]

Sorry dude, I'm not really into sucking dicks.

[It's not said with any consternation or disgust. He's very matter of fact.]

But if it's just pictures you want, uh, sure? I mean, there's no harm in a little photography, right? And, you've obviously got great taste.

[brushoff]

I do pride myself on being an aesthete. [ said with a smirkity smirk smirk. ]

Pity about your proclivities, though. If you want to give it the old college try though, you know who to call.

[moneyballer]

[THERE ARE STARS IN HIS EYES]

Oh, aesthete? I get it, I get it! So you're a master of the instagame.

[....]

So, uh... Just between you and me- What's your favorite filter? I mean, don't get me wrong! Perfection don't need no filter, buuuuut....

[His voice trails off.]

Sometimes I wanna spice things up a little, y'know?

[brushoff]

My tastes tend to be a bit more high-brow than Instagram. [ spoiler alert: Dorian spent most of 2007 going to clubs and doing coke, he is a goddamn liar. ] Still, it's easily valencia. I'm a fan of things that are just a little bit retro, and that faded photo style fits in perfectly. It's got the potential to be utterly tacky, though.

But you're right: perfection hardly needs a filter. [ is he talking about himself or Asher or both??? ]

[moneyballer]

Yeah, but instagram is the perfect way to nab chicks! Like, how else are you gonna let all those babes know that you're swole as fuck! Am I right, or am I right?

[brushoff]

Honestly? I think I've nabbed more chicks and dicks at parties than I have at instagram. It's a tool. But if you want to be successful, you need to have plenty of tools in your roster.

[moneyballer]

Oh, dude! If you're goin' to any parties, hit me up!

What's the best watering hole around here? Got any clubs you'd recommend? Help a brother out!

[brushoff]

Well, there's this burlesque bar in Maurtia Falls that I've heard was good—never been to it, though. The Red Branch is also good for a drink, though it's more of a pub than an actual club. My preferred club of choice is Loki's, and that's not just because I work there.

[moneyballer]

Burlesque, huh? Damn. That sounds classy.

[....................................................]

I've never been to one of those.

[Asher's glad that there's a variety of bars here. Back home, he barely had time to visit any despite all his boasting, and he's sure that this place will be no different (what with work and all). Still, he'll do his best to visit every seedy sinkhole he possibly can.]

[brushoff]

Right. Clear out your schedule on Friday, I'm taking you for a night on the town.

[ because he's never been to one of those oh my god Asher you need some culture. ]

[moneyballer]

[Asher gasps, not because he's gonna see girls dancing all naked-like, but because for the first time since he started law school, making a friend has been relatively easy.]

Hell yes!

[Still grinning:]

I get out of work kinda late, so I'll probably be free around eight. Is there a dress code?

[This man wears matching ties and belts. He clearly enjoys dressing himself in the morning. Gotta work that booty, yes indeed.]

[brushoff]

[ Making a friend = Dorian drinking with Asher and inevitably trying to manipulate him further and further into a life of debauchery and bad choices. ]

Not that I can think of. Just make sure you look good.

[moneyballer]

So like... Suit and tie? Or just cas.

["Casual" for Asher usually means some version of well-fitted sweatpants and an athletic T-shirt. Still, he understands that he'll have to step it up a notch for this.]

[brushoff]

Not suit and tie. We're going to a burlesque show, not a funeral. Just...classy casual. If you show up in a sweatshirt, I'm leaving you at the door.

[ fun fact, Dorian's a dress snob. ]

[moneyballer]

[ok wow excuse you]

For your information, ties are fucking awesome.

[asher is an ivy league snob at least he'll dress well]

[brushoff]

I'll grant you that, but not to a burlesque show. Or, if you do wear one, try to find a way to wear a tie that doesn't make you look like someone's dad or like you're about to argue a court case.

[moneyballer]

But I'm a lawyer...?

[HE SOUNDS SO FORLORN ABOUT THAT]

Uh, I... Yeah! I'll dress down. I got it. I'm cool! We're cool.

[brushoff]

But you're a lawyer going to a burlesque bar. [ said in the same tone that one would use to tell a two year old 'the stove is hot, you really shouldn't touch it.'

still, if Asher says he'll dress down, then he'll dress down. and if he doesn't...well, Dorian can take him shopping and start to push some ideas later. ]

I just don't want you to look out of place, that's all.

[moneyballer]

[Nodding vigorously:]

Sure! I'll... I'll come out on top! Just like always. What it do!

[asher please don't use lingo that isn't supposed to be used by white ppl like u]

I'll see you then.

[brushoff]

[ thankfully, Dorian has enough sense to keep his mouth shut and not make a sex joke about Asher always being on top ]

See you then.

[ pause, wait, oh yeah, he kind of forgot one SUPER CRUCIAL THING for introductions. ] Oh, I forgot, my name's Dorian Gray. I don't think I got your name either.

[moneyballer]

[wait dorian gray didn't he read a book about that guy once

or was it a play

he forgets]

Asher Millstone. I'm psyched for this bar crawl, dude! Let's keep in touch.

[brushoff]

[ you do you, asher. ]

Definitely. I'll meet you at the Maurtia Falls porter at eight?

COMMENT NOT HERE

[inmyothertights]

[SOMEHOW HE DOES NOT BELIEVE YOU]

[moneyballer]

[IF HE WANTED TO GIVE IT THE OLD COLLEGE TRY, HE WOULD HAVE TRIED IT IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]