maskormenace | [04] Voice

[04] Voice

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aside from debating whether hell is real or not in the worlds that do know him, you're forgetting there are multiple worlds where he doesn't even exist. As a concept, as a name, nothing. He has no sway.

[here 2 harsh ur buzz...privately]

Happy birthday.

[Privately AND politely, wow.]

[ Hi, Will. Hearing your voice doesn't even give Walt pause. ]

Thank you. But he means something to you, doesn't he? I mean, you have a thing. For that type of thing. Right?

[Walter.]

I did make a career out of tracking down serial killers in the hopes of locking them away from the rest of society before they could do more damage, if that's what you mean.

[Dismissively, his history isn't one that's difficult to find or he's unwilling to discuss. But for the dismissive way he says it, he's sure to leave in that last little hook, to ask or do you mean something else? indirectly.]

You and I both know that isn't what I mean.

[ He shouldn't be having this conversation now. Not in this state of mind. Though perhaps....with the extra breed of calm this state of mind has given him, it might be even more productive than normal. ]

I'm talking about devils. One in particular that is associated with you and all of Baltimore. Hannibal Lecter.

[Oh, that's a cold, steep drop into silence.]

Loose lips sink ships. [So dull, so flat, like this isn't really worth the air it takes to get out of him.] Who's wagged their tongue at you, I wonder. Should I ask? Would you tell me?

[He leaves it there, bites back and swallows down the last word he has in mind. Would you tell me honestly? Being "rude" in White's direction may play against him, better not.]

[ Is that why Chilton gets his bitten off? ]

It isn't exactly difficult to find out. But no, I won't out my sources. Multiple. Though I imagine you can guess where I heard the name initially and not in relation to you.

[In a way, yes.]

I can guess.

[Still that same flat, dull tone like it's simple agreement instead of anything deeper. And he keeps that going as he speaks, a sort of defense mechanism now locked in place.]

Hannibal Lecter means something to me, you're right. The devil you're talking about, though, does not. He's a potential headache worth avoiding, but he's not alone in that particular boat.

[In a boat with others, implying something common.]

Any other questions?

Edited (READING) 2015-09-08 05:40 (UTC)

Yes.

[ Because why not ask the source directly? If he answers, he answers. If he doesn't, he doesn't. It all depends on how much he has to hide. But right now, Walt's attack of choice is conversation. He should probably smoke more often. ]

You miss him, don't you? I mean, I know. I know about him. I know what he is and what he represents. But by now, it should come as no surprise to you -- the mirror between that relationship and that of Jesse and myself. There are differences, of course. Some....very key differences. But also so many similarities. And while everyone outside looking in can say until they're blue in the face that we're volatile for one another, there's something that draws us to each other -- despite the pain, torment, and betrayal. We're two halves of a larger whole. And I know I would be at a loss without him.

That is how you feel about Hannibal too, right?

[Every time White claims that he knows is another needle being shoved into the pincushion. He may not mean it as such, may not mean to pierce Will without any sense of care how deep he goes, how terrible the bruising will be later, but that's all Will can feel. He knows, what? He knows names, he knows snippets that he's been given, but White still feels he has a right, he has the Goddamn authority to claim that he has actual knowledge of the full picture. A picture he's gotten from everyone who is not Will Graham. White's gall, his arrogance stabs Will more than his words, has the bitter tinge of blood on his tongue. He's free to ask but when that asking comes with declarations he already knows, Will doesn't take to it quite so kindly.]

I don't miss him. No reason. [Because Hannibal doesn't have to be present for him to be there, for Will to hear his voice and work out how he'd react to any given situation without effort. Sometimes it comes in handy—mostly, it helps Will know which direction to not go to. Sometimes.] And I don't need an outside opinion to tell me that we're not good for each other. I have enough sense to know that for myself.

[Ouch.]

What I'm not sure on is these similarities you mention. I assume the differences are—you and Pinkman aren't cannibals? Is that it?

[Blunt as a fucking brick, he is. But Walter's just stabbed him in the brain several times over, he deserves it.]

[ A mild laugh. ]

No. We're not cannibals, no.

[ A brief pause. Maybe Walt's lost his train of thought. Maybe he's just pausing for dramatic effect. And when he speaks again, it's slow and thoughtful. ]

I'm only trying to draw a comparison. Jesse and I haven't been without our manipulation to keep one another around.

[ Walt more than Jesse. ]

I guess that I would be the devil in this relationship of ours. A fact I'm sure you're aware of. But maybe we should shift focus from Jesse and myself. Maybe we should talk about my relationship to more mutual company.

Frederick Chilton. He has been and continues to be the only reason you're speaking to me, right? If you're trying to gauge whether he's in danger or not -- he isn't. Not anymore. I care about him.

[ Because Chilton has gone from threat territory into obsession territory -- which is infinitely worse for anyone else in Chilton's life. ]

You compare yourself to the devil and then say you care about someone. Other than yourself.

[Says the self-confessed cannibal, but hey. Hey. If Walter gives him a bit of rope, Will's not unfamiliar with how to make a proper noose. It's comfortable. Both wearing one and slipping one over someone else, and White just gave him a good length to do that with. Will knows men who put on devilry. He knows what they really care about. Certain pieces of them that are all the same, common threads weaving together those who consider themselves completely uncommon.]

What about that is supposed to read as anything other than you being a danger, Mister White? Or do you prefer Heisenberg?

[ Fucking asshole. Walt could lie through his teeth right now. Avoid the implication of the name to his face. But Will knows. And he'll continue to know, even despite the act Walt puts on. ]

Heisenberg is a name that means nothing in this world. The only one I have is Walter White.

Oh, but Will? You're reading what I said all wrong. I wasn't trying to imply I wasn't a danger. Chilton, however, is not in danger.

The same can't be said for anyone who tries to interfere with him and I -- anyone who sticks their nose where it doesn't belong.

No, I understood you.

[Loaded statement.]

He is not in danger now. When that changes, you'll praise yourself for keeping him close so you can be the one to play God at him, with his life. You'll think it makes you clever.

[That's what a man playing at the devil does. Or a man who lets others consider him a devil, either way.]

Threaten me all you want, but quit pissing on my boots and calling it rain.

You're wrong. And I had such high hopes that you would understand.

[ Chilton was at a level so vital to Walt, so important and significant. He was irreplaceable because he was what Walt lacked in Jesse, what Walt missed in his wife, what Walt needed in a friend and very important ally. Because of that, Walt wouldn't kill him or let anyone else even think of trying it.

What Walt felt for Chilton was genuine -- unhealthy and twisted possessive affection, but still genuine. He wouldn't delight in keeping him close if Chilton turned around to betray him. He would think himself a fool for believing in the man's aspirations, and it definitely wouldn't give him a thrill to dangle his life in the balance. At this point, Walt would more likely cut Chilton out of his life completely at a perceived slight than to resort to the same sort of poison torture he had used before.

They came out of Atlantic City with a whole new dynamic.

But to keep those aspirations alive and to keep Chilton interested, Walt had to get rid of those who distracted Chilton. He had to become as vital to Chilton as Chilton was to him.

Maybe Will Graham didn't see it. But the true danger of this alliance was not Chilton. It was everyone else who was associated with the good doctor. ]

Anyway, I think we've said all that needs to be said.

Wait, I—

[He's quick to get that out, quicker to bite down on whatever was meant to follow, sounding like a thought cut short.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. He has no desire for friendship or anything near it here, but perhaps he's going about this wrong way. If White wants to believe he can care for someone else, genuinely care for them despite his claims to being akin a devil, Will refusing that may be the absolute worst course of action. So what's left, then, if not to play into it? Kowtow for appearances' sake, and in the midst of that, extend something mutual (not common, just shared) between them. Even if that can turn into The friend of my friend is my enemy because I'm an overly possessive arrogant douchebag who doesn't understand the first thing about friendship, at least it's worth a shot.

His breathing is the only thing that can be heard for a few moments, aggravated, frustrated, fast, like manifestations of a rapid heartbeat. Someone backed into a corner, someone who's looking around and realizing other options have been taken out of the picture. The heavy sigh that follows is one of defeat, finally bowing his head and accepting that he's got to play by certain rules or risk getting stuck, again, no meals, no compassion, just visits meant to add onto the viciousness. All very much the feel of someone who has been holding back on a confession for so long it's difficult to make. Like he knows it will be good to finally get off his chest but it's still dismal, and horrible, this cruel, cruel burden upon his shoulders.]

You asked...if I knew what it was like, to have people from my home here. To be from their future. To know how things will turn out, and they don't have a clue. Waiting for the inevitability where they do know.

[His voice is steady, but strained. One wrong word or move would choke him, drown him.]

When I said I knew exactly how you felt, that. Wasn't because of how I am, that was because I'm in the same situation. With him.

[His breath hitches, a stringed instrument one centimeter turn from being too tight, from breaking. And oh, how beautifully (and badly) Will Graham can break.]

I care about him, too.

[ Walt had been about to disconnect the call, but the prompt to wait gives him pause. He's not sure what Will is about to say, but perhaps it would be something of an apology. An apology that Walter believes he's owed as Will had offended him by insinuating he was like Crane in his methods -- cold and callous, priding himself over victories without a care in the world for his victims. Walt wasn't a sadist in his own eyes, and what he had done to Chilton in the past had been justified -- lessons taught, but not necessarily ones where anything was learned by Chilton.

But Will's chosen method of attack is effective in that it's offering a point to relate to. And Walter White always strives to relate to others. ]

You know of his future...

[ The words trail off, a slow and sluggish thought. ]

So is it bad? What happens to him? Is that what you're trying to prevent? Though....I don't know how it could get much worse. Than Gideon.

[Job well done.

There's a pause before Will makes a sound close to an ehhh, halfway verbalizing his consideration to the line of questionings. Is it bad? Jesus Christ, all Will can think of is mushroom gardens and people turned into trees and Gideon and, really, by comparison?]

It's not too bad.

[Baltimore: the place where getting shot in the face while in federal custody isn't the worst thing that could happen.]

He's got some new scars, sure, we all do. He might blame me, though. He has a leg to stand on there [haha] if he did, I wouldn't deny it.

[His words start slow, gaining momentum as he goes. Like he's not sure how to take to this new ability to be "open" and "honest" when he's repressed this conversation for so long....Walter White's managed to bust through the dam and now he just has to be careful and gentle to get the flood. He's naught but a scared, abused pup, just treat him with some sense of compassion and he'll be Walter's best friend.]

I made him a promise, too. He doesn't know, but I remember. I told him I'd do something and he had faith in me. He was the only one. No one else gave a shit, they thought I was a broken record. But he knew better, that I could do it. And I did, just...not very well. I let him down. Don't want to keep it up, be the same complete disappointment all over again.

[Will Graham's work performance is a scattered, strange mess of EXCELLENT and WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?]

I owe him more than that.

[Future crimes, guilt, sins of not doing just as he said, a sense of being in debt—well good Goddamn that sure does sound like Will's using this place as a sort of purgatory. One where he atones for the horrors his own people have gone through as best he can. Curious if that'll get shared.

More curious what happens if it doesn't, but either way is just fine by Will.]

You can't make it up to him.

[ Walt's tone, however, isn't as malicious as the words imply. It's the paternal voice he would adopt when giving life lessons and advice. It's the teacher/mentor voice he takes on to teach and impart important wisdom. ]

No matter what you do here, it has no impact on what happens back home. When you go back there, neither of you will remember it. To think you can change anything here is just...naive.

[ And Walt has been the same kind of naive, even though he knows as soon as Jesse goes back home -- that's it. Things are over between them. He hopes and he wants a different outcome, but he knows it's impossible. ]

It hurts, yes. But it is something we both have to accept. The future will happen no matter what, and there will always be consequences for that which we choose.

[Will is very used to that tone, no doubt about it. The fact that they're both on less vicious footing is what has him biting down on anything harsh in the face of it, even when Walter goes on and adds that naive part. They've found ground they can apparently discuss in a reasonable manner, it wouldn't do Will any good to disrupt for minor slights, imagined or real, at his ego.

His ego isn't the important one here, and not because Walter is his mentor. The bits and pieces of profile Chilton has fed him over the past several months are held in his mind, flashing neon lights, continual reminders. Lines for him to keep himself functioning in if he wants to get anywhere.]

You're right. Doctor Chilton and I have both made trips home and returned. I'm not looking to rewrite his future, my past. That'd probably make it worse. Baltimore is not a forgiving place.

[Soft, discussion instead of correction. Will can't expect everyone to know his history, acting otherwise won't win any favors. He picks it so carefully, too, You're right instead of I'm aware or I already know...a little goes a long way, so a little is what he gives. Otherwise, it's too heavy-handed. It's wrong.]

Baltimore believes in change, however. In transformation. You're stuck in a world where the dead come to life, granting ordinary people powers they'd never have elsewhere. Isn't this the perfect place for change?

[Genuine question. Will knows that there is a vital aspect some miss out on when it comes to learning, and that's one part he's ready to go through with. Will doesn't just ask, any idiot can ask a question, it's not difficult. He asks because he wants an answer, Walter's answer, because Will is doing that crucial thing called listening.]

[ Will is smart. He's smart not to attack and he's smart to frame his words the way he does. It doesn't mean Walter isn't suspicious of this shift in tone of their conversation, but he also doesn't feel it necessary to attack. Discussion. They're having discussion. And the question asked is a good one. ]

It depends on what is being changed, I suppose. When you look at the grand scheme of things, no matter what you do -- it's useless. You prolong the inevitable.

[ He thinks about both Jesse and Hank, and how as soon as they experience the future -- when they come back, it doesn't matter what Walt does. They will both hate him. ]

But change will happen regardless because of the nature of this world. If your powers don't morph you into something else, the people in this world might.

[ A nod to Chilton and what Chilton is attempting to do and likely will continue to try and do, long after Walt is gone. Because the one solid truth is that Walt expects Chilton to outlive him in this world. ]

Yes, they might. Some for better, some for worse.

[Walter can take that as he so chooses; Will's aware of how Chilton can be, yes, but he's also a married man who doesn't hide that he found the love of his life in this world. He can take it as simple agreement or something more personal, Will doesn't give anything else away. Even his tone is calm, neutral, still waters instead of the rush from before.]

That can give you the power to change them in return, though. If you want to.

[Want, or simply know how to do it and have enough extra time to put a side design in order.]

[ Walt wishes he had that sort of power. Although he does have a way of lying and manipulating, he doesn't see himself as having any sort of power to change people. Not to the same extent as Chilton. And definitely not for anything more prolonged if things with Jesse are anything to go by. ]

Is that something you want to do?

[ It isn't asked as an accusation, but more that Walt does recognize Will's power. The power to understand and empathize is a great one -- one that can be used to subtly change a person from within. All it takes is one small seed. ]

[Shit, that's a good question. Meaning it's a difficult one, something he'd know how to answer immediately with most anyone else, just not. Walter White. A few moments where he mulls it over, and then finally:]

Not particularly. [Slow, like he'd never really thought about it before.] I'd like to use my position here to better things, but...the sort of change we're talking about takes a lot more effort than finding criminals and putting them away. Causing change on a personal level, lasting and lingering, is a job in and of itself. I don't have the time or energy.

[Let him be considered a man who does what he can where he can and, at the end of the day, is too drained to put more work into personal projects. Side projects, people as pets. Winding them up and watching them go is more difficult when he has a family to return and spend time with, when he comes home from a day spent empathizing with others and just wants to be himself. Since White's apparently gotten the spiel about how Will was the devil's chosen beloved instead of the devil himself, it fits together nicely, doesn't it? Of course, Will can recognize that Jesse has an element of danger to him as well, must have, but that doesn't mean he wants to act on it unless he has to. Why can't Will be similar in that, hmm? A sleeping beast, waking only when absolutely necessary and never just for fun, just because he's curious. Without the influence of Hannibal Lecter nudging crazy men through his window to kill or be killed, why wouldn't he want to chill out and enjoy the peace as long as he can?

Will Graham is also a liar who plants small seeds all the time without expending effort into the process. Like this entire conversation.]

[ Does Walt believe it? Not for a second. Will Graham wouldn't be Chilton's line of defense if he didn't have the 'time or energy' to expend into affecting others emotionally. But he can play on that angle. He can work with it. ]

Then, I don't want to be a cause of you wasting either time or energy. Perhaps it would be best if we didn't speak any further. Perhaps it would be best if you left me to my devices as I will leave you to yours.

You're a family man, Will. I am as well. I can understand that they are the most important thing in your life. And if I were you, I would focus on them. Chilton will be fine. We finally understand one another, and our relationship can only move in a positive direction from here.

[He says the magic word and at the same time insults that magic word, to the point Will wonders if he's been unclear or if Walter White just doesn't want to believe it. If he refuses a reality wherein his things have lives and people outside of him, if he can't accept a world where he isn't top dog. Oh yes, Will had seen much of himself in Jesse.]

I am focusing on my family, Mister White. I don't go running about in July heat for just anyone. Frederick Chilton is as much a part of my family as my wife.

[So let him just clear that up as bluntly as he can.]

You leave my family in good condition? We won't have any issues. You don't? Then we will. It's that simple.

[Where the potential result is either totally calm waters or explosions and suffering everywhere. How extreme.]

Edited (get=/=go) 2015-09-15 00:56 (UTC)

(no subject)

kingpawn - 2015-09-15 01:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

infomodder - 2015-09-15 01:33 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[04] Voice

voice; private

voice; private

permathat!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)