kingpawn: ([ 149 ])
Walter White ([personal profile] kingpawn) wrote in [community profile] maskormenace2015-09-07 10:03 pm

[04] Voice

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]


What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.
infomodder: know how to fix your trouble? turn off hbo, read a fucking book, complain about that instead (yeah well i read the books)

voice; private

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
Aside from debating whether hell is real or not in the worlds that do know him, you're forgetting there are multiple worlds where he doesn't even exist. As a concept, as a name, nothing. He has no sway.

[here 2 harsh ur buzz...privately]

Happy birthday.

[Privately AND politely, wow.]
infomodder: did you think it couldn't get any worse, because it's about to (wonder twin powers activate!)

permathat!

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
[Walter.]

I did make a career out of tracking down serial killers in the hopes of locking them away from the rest of society before they could do more damage, if that's what you mean.

[Dismissively, his history isn't one that's difficult to find or he's unwilling to discuss. But for the dismissive way he says it, he's sure to leave in that last little hook, to ask or do you mean something else? indirectly.]
infomodder: i need to crit you on all this SHIP PUSHING (do you have an hmd)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh, that's a cold, steep drop into silence.]

Loose lips sink ships. [So dull, so flat, like this isn't really worth the air it takes to get out of him.] Who's wagged their tongue at you, I wonder. Should I ask? Would you tell me?

[He leaves it there, bites back and swallows down the last word he has in mind. Would you tell me honestly? Being "rude" in White's direction may play against him, better not.]
infomodder: but under my hood is internal combustion power...and satan is my motor (my intentions are good & earnest & true)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
[In a way, yes.]

I can guess.

[Still that same flat, dull tone like it's simple agreement instead of anything deeper. And he keeps that going as he speaks, a sort of defense mechanism now locked in place.]

Hannibal Lecter means something to me, you're right. The devil you're talking about, though, does not. He's a potential headache worth avoiding, but he's not alone in that particular boat.

[In a boat with others, implying something common.]

Any other questions?
Edited (READING) 2015-09-08 05:40 (UTC)
infomodder: i say, offend in every way (speak until i break; with every word)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[Every time White claims that he knows is another needle being shoved into the pincushion. He may not mean it as such, may not mean to pierce Will without any sense of care how deep he goes, how terrible the bruising will be later, but that's all Will can feel. He knows, what? He knows names, he knows snippets that he's been given, but White still feels he has a right, he has the Goddamn authority to claim that he has actual knowledge of the full picture. A picture he's gotten from everyone who is not Will Graham. White's gall, his arrogance stabs Will more than his words, has the bitter tinge of blood on his tongue. He's free to ask but when that asking comes with declarations he already knows, Will doesn't take to it quite so kindly.]

I don't miss him. No reason. [Because Hannibal doesn't have to be present for him to be there, for Will to hear his voice and work out how he'd react to any given situation without effort. Sometimes it comes in handy—mostly, it helps Will know which direction to not go to. Sometimes.] And I don't need an outside opinion to tell me that we're not good for each other. I have enough sense to know that for myself.

[Ouch.]

What I'm not sure on is these similarities you mention. I assume the differences are—you and Pinkman aren't cannibals? Is that it?

[Blunt as a fucking brick, he is. But Walter's just stabbed him in the brain several times over, he deserves it.]
infomodder: it's rude to waste good wine you can start crying any time now (this wine's not gonna drink itself)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-08 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
You compare yourself to the devil and then say you care about someone. Other than yourself.

[Says the self-confessed cannibal, but hey. Hey. If Walter gives him a bit of rope, Will's not unfamiliar with how to make a proper noose. It's comfortable. Both wearing one and slipping one over someone else, and White just gave him a good length to do that with. Will knows men who put on devilry. He knows what they really care about. Certain pieces of them that are all the same, common threads weaving together those who consider themselves completely uncommon.]

What about that is supposed to read as anything other than you being a danger, Mister White? Or do you prefer Heisenberg?
infomodder: put your trust in me, i’m not gonna die alone (clean up that blood all over your paws)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-09 01:20 am (UTC)(link)
No, I understood you.

[Loaded statement.]

He is not in danger now. When that changes, you'll praise yourself for keeping him close so you can be the one to play God at him, with his life. You'll think it makes you clever.

[That's what a man playing at the devil does. Or a man who lets others consider him a devil, either way.]

Threaten me all you want, but quit pissing on my boots and calling it rain.
infomodder: about to turn into of rice & men real soon u lil shit (fathers & sons)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-09 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Wait, I—

[He's quick to get that out, quicker to bite down on whatever was meant to follow, sounding like a thought cut short.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. He has no desire for friendship or anything near it here, but perhaps he's going about this wrong way. If White wants to believe he can care for someone else, genuinely care for them despite his claims to being akin a devil, Will refusing that may be the absolute worst course of action. So what's left, then, if not to play into it? Kowtow for appearances' sake, and in the midst of that, extend something mutual (not common, just shared) between them. Even if that can turn into The friend of my friend is my enemy because I'm an overly possessive arrogant douchebag who doesn't understand the first thing about friendship, at least it's worth a shot.

His breathing is the only thing that can be heard for a few moments, aggravated, frustrated, fast, like manifestations of a rapid heartbeat. Someone backed into a corner, someone who's looking around and realizing other options have been taken out of the picture. The heavy sigh that follows is one of defeat, finally bowing his head and accepting that he's got to play by certain rules or risk getting stuck, again, no meals, no compassion, just visits meant to add onto the viciousness. All very much the feel of someone who has been holding back on a confession for so long it's difficult to make. Like he knows it will be good to finally get off his chest but it's still dismal, and horrible, this cruel, cruel burden upon his shoulders.
]

You asked...if I knew what it was like, to have people from my home here. To be from their future. To know how things will turn out, and they don't have a clue. Waiting for the inevitability where they do know.

[His voice is steady, but strained. One wrong word or move would choke him, drown him.]

When I said I knew exactly how you felt, that. Wasn't because of how I am, that was because I'm in the same situation. With him.

[His breath hitches, a stringed instrument one centimeter turn from being too tight, from breaking. And oh, how beautifully (and badly) Will Graham can break.]

I care about him, too.
infomodder: good boy (taking it to the face)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-10 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
[Job well done.

There's a pause before Will makes a sound close to an ehhh, halfway verbalizing his consideration to the line of questionings. Is it bad? Jesus Christ, all Will can think of is mushroom gardens and people turned into trees and Gideon and, really, by comparison?
]

It's not too bad.

[Baltimore: the place where getting shot in the face while in federal custody isn't the worst thing that could happen.]

He's got some new scars, sure, we all do. He might blame me, though. He has a leg to stand on there [haha] if he did, I wouldn't deny it.

[His words start slow, gaining momentum as he goes. Like he's not sure how to take to this new ability to be "open" and "honest" when he's repressed this conversation for so long....Walter White's managed to bust through the dam and now he just has to be careful and gentle to get the flood. He's naught but a scared, abused pup, just treat him with some sense of compassion and he'll be Walter's best friend.]

I made him a promise, too. He doesn't know, but I remember. I told him I'd do something and he had faith in me. He was the only one. No one else gave a shit, they thought I was a broken record. But he knew better, that I could do it. And I did, just...not very well. I let him down. Don't want to keep it up, be the same complete disappointment all over again.

[Will Graham's work performance is a scattered, strange mess of EXCELLENT and WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?]

I owe him more than that.

[Future crimes, guilt, sins of not doing just as he said, a sense of being in debt—well good Goddamn that sure does sound like Will's using this place as a sort of purgatory. One where he atones for the horrors his own people have gone through as best he can. Curious if that'll get shared.

More curious what happens if it doesn't, but either way is just fine by Will.
]
infomodder: literally you are so full of shit my nose hair is burning (so you fed me shit to digest)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-10 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
[Will is very used to that tone, no doubt about it. The fact that they're both on less vicious footing is what has him biting down on anything harsh in the face of it, even when Walter goes on and adds that naive part. They've found ground they can apparently discuss in a reasonable manner, it wouldn't do Will any good to disrupt for minor slights, imagined or real, at his ego.

His ego isn't the important one here, and not because Walter is his mentor. The bits and pieces of profile Chilton has fed him over the past several months are held in his mind, flashing neon lights, continual reminders. Lines for him to keep himself functioning in if he wants to get anywhere.
]

You're right. Doctor Chilton and I have both made trips home and returned. I'm not looking to rewrite his future, my past. That'd probably make it worse. Baltimore is not a forgiving place.

[Soft, discussion instead of correction. Will can't expect everyone to know his history, acting otherwise won't win any favors. He picks it so carefully, too, You're right instead of I'm aware or I already know...a little goes a long way, so a little is what he gives. Otherwise, it's too heavy-handed. It's wrong.]

Baltimore believes in change, however. In transformation. You're stuck in a world where the dead come to life, granting ordinary people powers they'd never have elsewhere. Isn't this the perfect place for change?

[Genuine question. Will knows that there is a vital aspect some miss out on when it comes to learning, and that's one part he's ready to go through with. Will doesn't just ask, any idiot can ask a question, it's not difficult. He asks because he wants an answer, Walter's answer, because Will is doing that crucial thing called listening.]
infomodder: we always knew you will bleed for me and i will bleed for you (not a father; just a pig)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-12 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, they might. Some for better, some for worse.

[Walter can take that as he so chooses; Will's aware of how Chilton can be, yes, but he's also a married man who doesn't hide that he found the love of his life in this world. He can take it as simple agreement or something more personal, Will doesn't give anything else away. Even his tone is calm, neutral, still waters instead of the rush from before.]

That can give you the power to change them in return, though. If you want to.

[Want, or simply know how to do it and have enough extra time to put a side design in order.]
infomodder: this world is damned (verger babies)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-12 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[Shit, that's a good question. Meaning it's a difficult one, something he'd know how to answer immediately with most anyone else, just not. Walter White. A few moments where he mulls it over, and then finally:]

Not particularly. [Slow, like he'd never really thought about it before.] I'd like to use my position here to better things, but...the sort of change we're talking about takes a lot more effort than finding criminals and putting them away. Causing change on a personal level, lasting and lingering, is a job in and of itself. I don't have the time or energy.

[Let him be considered a man who does what he can where he can and, at the end of the day, is too drained to put more work into personal projects. Side projects, people as pets. Winding them up and watching them go is more difficult when he has a family to return and spend time with, when he comes home from a day spent empathizing with others and just wants to be himself. Since White's apparently gotten the spiel about how Will was the devil's chosen beloved instead of the devil himself, it fits together nicely, doesn't it? Of course, Will can recognize that Jesse has an element of danger to him as well, must have, but that doesn't mean he wants to act on it unless he has to. Why can't Will be similar in that, hmm? A sleeping beast, waking only when absolutely necessary and never just for fun, just because he's curious. Without the influence of Hannibal Lecter nudging crazy men through his window to kill or be killed, why wouldn't he want to chill out and enjoy the peace as long as he can?

Will Graham is also a liar who plants small seeds all the time without expending effort into the process. Like this entire conversation.
]
infomodder: in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part? (will you enable and support my bad ideas)

[personal profile] infomodder 2015-09-15 12:53 am (UTC)(link)
[He says the magic word and at the same time insults that magic word, to the point Will wonders if he's been unclear or if Walter White just doesn't want to believe it. If he refuses a reality wherein his things have lives and people outside of him, if he can't accept a world where he isn't top dog. Oh yes, Will had seen much of himself in Jesse.]

I am focusing on my family, Mister White. I don't go running about in July heat for just anyone. Frederick Chilton is as much a part of my family as my wife.

[So let him just clear that up as bluntly as he can.]

You leave my family in good condition? We won't have any issues. You don't? Then we will. It's that simple.

[Where the potential result is either totally calm waters or explosions and suffering everywhere. How extreme.]
Edited (get=/=go) 2015-09-15 00:56 (UTC)

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[personal profile] infomodder - 2015-09-15 01:33 (UTC) - Expand