Video

[runningstart]

Arright people, it's crunch time. I need your input on this critical issue: What graduation present should I buy myself?

Here are the options:
A) One pet rat
B) Two pet rats
3) As many discount 'grow your own crystal' science kits as my powerful masculine arms can carry so that I can grow a crystal statue in the likeness of Beyonce Knowles
And D) Two pet rats and a box of donuts for dinner


Also since it's finals season I'm offering my services to help people cram for any of the sciences. I can do up to college year whatever because I'm a genius. My rates are the low low price of buy me dinner.

Comments

video;

[lasthugs]

Rats if you're really feeling it but those donuts can be free.

video;

[runningstart]

I'm really feeling the rats, Auntie C.

Also! Do you have any donuts left over from the day? Like I know you try to resist so I will absolutely free you from that burden.

video;

[garrick]

[ That is a lot of rats. ]

Three probably. But do you mean Senator Knowles?

video;

[runningstart]

Who the heck is that? No. I mean Beyonce. She really doesn't even need the last name, it's like- it's like Cher or Madonna. Only one name necessary.

[performance]

Dude! I already told you, two, and we rig up those cute little plastic rat tunnels all around the walls of the apartment.

[runningstart]

Okay but, have you considered this:

Beyonce.

[resipiscent]

B and C. Rocks are cool.

[runningstart]

Thank you Riku, I knew you'd get it. [no you didn't] Rocks are awesome, especially ones you grow yourself.

video

[pobrecisco]

D. Rats need company, and, c'mon, donuts.

...But a crystal Beyonce statue is really compelling.

video

[runningstart]

God, right?! Oh my god, she's so hot. Man. Can you imagine me getting to stare at a life-sized Beyonce crystal statue all day? I mean, the improvement in morale alone is worth the trouble.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

D! Definitely D! But you gotta share you donuts with your two rat buddies.

...then agaaaaain. Beyoncé does deserve a crystal statue.




You should do both.

[runningstart]

I want to! ...but I don't have the money. I had to split up the options for various economic and logistic reasons.

Also, not sure rats should have donuts. Maybe a little. Hold on, I'll look it up.

video;

[fridgeflower]

Build a Beyonce that the rats can somehow inhabit, then imagine a life basked in that kind of glory and feel the sting of self-inflicted envy.

video;

[runningstart]

Laurie! Oh my god! Have you ever considered a position in the UN because you can SOLVE WARS with that kind of problem-solving expertise! I especially love the part with me basking in my own glory, that's a good bit.

I mean technically, if all the crystal is on the outside of the runs that I build then it would be safe, so long as I make sure they can't eat them. A Beyonce-shaped rat run would be so awesome.

video;

[givetheslip]

What kind of donuts?

video;

[runningstart]

There's this awesome mom and pop place near where I work, over at StarkTech? It's off the main street but like, I do not know what they do with their stuff. Dust it in crack, maybe. It's so good, I get a dozen whenever I can. [which is like every day.]

video

[princeofrats]

Two rats, as long as you share the donuts with 'em. It's not fair otherwise.

video

[runningstart]

Can rats have donuts? Like, I know they can eat lots of stuff. They eat garbage, right? Street rats eat garbage.

video

[khajidont]

The real question is, what kind of person would tell you to buy crystals instead of rats?

Go with the rats, dude.

video

[runningstart]

Jaime, you gotta up your game. Take a look at Laurie's solution. Get on her level, man.

[dramaking]

I'm not sure what utility a crystal statue would provide, but Beyonce Knowles is an admirable subject choice.

[runningstart]

That's the utility right there! I would get to look at a crystal Beyonce for like, hours, if I wanted! I could completely avoid studying in favor of staring at her! What other incentive does a man need?

video

[stealwithit]

[ There's a mildly disgusted look on Kasumi's face, because you know what makes everything worse? Rats. ]

... Why rats?

video

[runningstart]

Um, because they're cute and they sleep in your clothes and they nibble on food really cutely. The 'cute' factor is a really big one here.

Also because they'll mostly live in my lab with me and I can call them my lab rats without it being inhumane.

video

[thinhammer]

Who's Beyonce?

[ Gotta have all the facts before he can come to a reasonable decision, dude. ]

video

[runningstart]

An incredibly gorgeous, talented, queen of a hot sexy lady singer who does basically everything in the coolest way.

I'm her side chick, but it's getting serious.

voice

[heavyhitter]

God, you nerd. You undercharging nerd.

voice

[runningstart]

I'm a nerd who is totally putting down 'tutoring' on all my college applications, thank you. Also I'm totally not undercharging! I eat a lot. A hell of a lot.

video

[countdone]

Do I really need to answer?

[Because of course he should get rats.]

video

[runningstart]

Nah man, I know you vote for Beyonce.

[tardily]

How is this a question?

[ Wait for it. ]

Crystal science kits and I volunteer to help you carry some more because I have an investment in this statue.

[runningstart]

You and Cisco both! Damn it, you guys are the only people around here with taste.

Can you believe that Jaime told me not to make a statue? He seemed bewildered. I feel like that boy needs to be sat down with a powerpoint.