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[socialactivillain]

[ Video switches on to show a man with a ginger ponytail in a hideous green v-neck frowning deeply and looking incredibly disappointed and/or frustrated, sitting on a park bench as dusk settles in.]

Okay, I've been here for less than a day, so would someone mind explaining to me how it is that the United States government can allocate all these funds to keep us imPorts in nicely furnished, comfortable homes in several cities, and expect native businesses and companies to provide us with paid employment, yet its own citizens are still facing what seem like absurd rates of homelessness? Like I said, I only just arrived, but it didn't take me long to find people who have lost their jobs and homes to make way for the growing imPort population.

[ Someone spent his whole first day in Heropa in a park, befriending homeless people. Continuing on, he sighs heavily, as though this is personally wronging and inconveniencing him, not people he doesn't even know. ]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we're to blame for this. After all, it's not as though it's our fault some unstable technology yanked us from our worlds and lives. Of course this world's government would have to provide for us until we can return home. But every single one of us has the responsibility to give back.

So, what are you doing to help? I'll be taking donations to start up a charity for natives displaced by our presence, if you can't come up with anything on your own.

Comments

[airshow]

[ It really is a tacky place — all kinds of random decor on the walls, lights strung haphazardly. But the cheddar biscuits are damn good, and the seafood is cheap. James slides into the booth across from him, wearing a very loud Hawaiian shirt and a cheerful grin on his face that doesn't at all betray how goddamn weird and frustrating this is. ]

No one says "new millennium" anymore, by the way.

[socialactivillain]

[ He raises an eyebrow at James' shirt, but doesn't comment out loud. Thanks for making him have to look at that, Tricks. At least it's distracting from the fact that he looks a lot different. ]

I guess it's not so new anymore, huh?

[airshow]

The new millennium could learn to drive by now.

[ chomps a cheddar biscuit ]

[socialactivillain]

Well, it's nice to see it didn't obliterate civilization in its infancy. The world has enough people trying to destroy it without Y2k helping.

[ He leans back comfortably in his seat and takes a sip from his mostly-untouched beer bottle. ]

So, it feels kind of weird to ask how you've been when, from my perspective, I just saw you the other day, but... How've you been? Keeping out of trouble?

[ For all that that's a loaded question, it's surprisingly without judgement, considering who it's coming from. Piper's got faith that James has stayed straight. (So to speak.) ]

[airshow]

[ Well, that's a hell of a thing to ask. He barks out a laugh, leaning back in the booth. ]

Do I ever? [ James shrugs, like "why bother asking?" ] I think I made friends with a twelve year old Barry Allen.

[socialactivillain]

...So that's really him?

[airshow]

Kinda. Sorta. Alternate universe thing.

[socialactivillain]

...I'm not sure if that's better or worse than him coming back to life and being suddenly younger than Wally.

[airshow]

Is it weird that I'm just kinda used to that stuff by now?

[socialactivillain]

Is it really that common in this place?

[airshow]

Common enough.

[ He taps his fingers on the table, considering telling Piper about the whole alternate universe murder grandpa thing. Might be a bit much, though, on his first day. ]

Hope he didn't give you too hard a time.

[socialactivillain]

He called me an asshole, but that was about the worst of it.

[airshow]

Well, you occasionally are.

[ He says, downright affectionately. ]

[socialactivillain]

That's not the point. And anyway, it's not like you can talk.

[airshow]

Yeah, but I'm a charming and charismatic asshole.

[ The server shows up, at that, to take their orders. James orders a basket of coconut shrimp and a beer. ]

[socialactivillain]

Says who?

[ Piper orders himself crab cakes with a green salad. ]

[airshow]

Me. And I spend more time with myself than anyone else, so I'd know.

[ And he orders a beer for Piper as well. ]

[socialactivillain]

And I'm sure you aren't at all biased.

[ He raises an eyebrow at that, but comments silently with just another sip of his existing beer. ]

[airshow]

What, is it wrong that I have healthy self-esteem?

[socialactivillain]

Healthy, sure. But you go a ways past that sometimes.

[airshow]

Hartley. [ He looks across the table, tipping his head down just so, perfectly sincere. ] If I don't appreciate myself, who will?

[socialactivillain]

[ He can't help but laugh at James' sincerity. ]

You always have been your own biggest fan.

[airshow]

More people oughta practice that. What was I saying, though? Something about Flashes?

[socialactivillain]

How you've been watching tv with a twelve year old Barry Allen?

[airshow]

Oh, yeah. Man, that makes it sound like I have no life, huh?