THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2018

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2018With the departure of Miles Vorkosigan, the city of Nonah is abuzz with rising candidates. While political talk and imPort futures wag tongues above ground, the underground music scene burns wildly. All that heat, quite literally underground. Rumors of something intense stirring in De Chima will have reporters on the scene. Perhaps you want to be part of recent history, too? In other news: native media is gearing up with excitement for the February Swearing-In. Bets are on that it's going to be LOVE related!

BLUETUBERS GREENE WITH ENVY
As seen in BlueTube, Bwitter, Instagrahm, and Buzzfad:
Since its creation in December, the anthembeth BlueTube account has slowly built up a fan following of people who know that this imPort's powers are EVERYTHING. The videos feature music performed by eighteen-year-old Beth Greene, accompanied by illusions that tell stories or create ambiance. Move over, ASMR: you're going to want to want to fall asleep to videos of starry skies and cute cartoon foxes.

Even better? She takes song requests if she feels they fit her style. So don't just listen--suggest a song and cross your fingers. Your 2018 anthem could get its own custom music video!

RUNNING AMUK
As seen featured on TMI magazine and blog:

If anyone's noticed any sort of funky smells coming from the area around Maurtia Falls #009, don't worry - you're not imagining it. It seems the house's New Year's Eve party - the one that claimed multiple public street lights, an abandoned car (whose smoldering ashes can still be found in the front yard), a now-permanent "art installation" called Chair In Wall, 2018, Mixed Media, a closet door apparently ripped from its hinges, multiple fires, and an alarming number of throwing stars scattered throughout the neighborhood, sometimes lodged in things - came to an abrupt end when one Rosa Diaz (sources are unable to confirm or deny that this is her real name) brought a handful of unsupervised pokeballs to housemate Jake Peralta, who then chose one at random. The gelatinous, dumpster-perfumed creature that emerged, Muk, immediately put a damper on the mood and caused the celebrations to come to a sudden standstill.

When asked for comment, Ms. "Diaz" responded with words unable to be printed for and shared with the public. Mr. Peralta, on the other hand, had this to say:

"We had cool intergalactic people!! We had neighbors and friends and POKEMON - DON'T FORGET THE POKEMON! - and there were lightsabers and so many drinks ... so .. many .. OH! And me and my pal Sarissa showed up FANCY STYLEZ - that's "styles" with a "z" - and it was AWESOME! GIRL'S GOT SOME REAL DANCE MOVES!" He was unable to give an accurate account of the evening's events or explain all of the destruction to public property. Mr. Boyle, who you may know as the host of the amateur cooking show Boiled Over, would only talk about how delicious his "balls" were. We can only assume - and hope - that he meant some kind of food.

THE NEW GALLA-P POLL
As seen in Bwitter, Buzzfad, local papers:
ImPort newcomer, Galla, has been wasting no time in establishing her presence following her recent arrival to our world. It's been some time since we saw a new arrival adapt this quickly, but this new influencer has already declared her desire to foster understanding not just between imPorts and natives, but among imPorts themselves! It's a lofty goal, but elderly upstart Galla speaks with such confidence that it's hard not to believe her when she speaks about it. Rumor even has it she's already sidling up to newly elected Ambassador Amidala to garner support for her cause.

When reached for comment, Galla explained "I know this may be an insurmountable task, but I've become quite accustomed to dealing with those in my time." She could not, however, explain how she hopes to achieve this goal. "It is a work in progress. Do try to remember that I only arrived last month, and these things take time," was the answer she gave when pressed on the issue.

She went on to explain that she's making an effort to get to know her fellow imPorts before she begins planning any events for them, citing a recent informal survey she conducted to find out what issues they've faced since being brought to our world. "I'm excited to begin planning in earnest now that I have some insight," said Galla of the survey. We only hope that she won't keep us waiting on her plans for much longer.

ENTER COOL WITH A VAMPIRE
As seen in As seen in The Heropa Daily, in print and online; entitled GRAVE MATTERS, a new advice column by Lestat de Lioncourt:
What's the gothest date I can take the guy I like on for Valentine's Day? —Verdant Valentine

VV: Your heart could not be any more in the right place if you carved it out and served it to him yourself (one potential suggestion). However, tread with caution! Romantics like you and I tend to see in a person what we expect to see, which is all too often a reflection of ourselves — our own desires and our own limitations. There was a time when I would have told you that you can't go wrong with a thing as simple as a coffin, but it turns out that you very much can, and one awkward little misstep like that can utterly obliterate the tone of an evening.

This is where you absolutely must reflect. Is he, to conjure up an example, the type to enjoy a quiet little bit of graveyard breaking and entering? Or would he prefer to have his eardrums destroyed by the crash and howl of a rock concert? Of course, I could be misunderstanding you entirely, and this paramour of yours is especially passionate about flying buttresses. I hope I've conveyed my point.

So my advice, dear reader, is this: beneath the inky midnight wrapping of your individual goth lurks a soul as unique as any single malevolent snowflake. Find what special thing it is that makes his dark heart beat faster, and then it will be simple to hang a few bats on it. I trust you.

With all that said, look into opera houses with vacant basements. It really is the little black dress of goth dates.

Lestat de Lioncourt is America's only vampire advice columnist, ready to answer all your questions about life, death, love, revenge, and how to have a good time after the sun goes down.

THE FLORIDA MANDATE
As seen in magazines and newspapers nationwide; Bwitter (#fridayreads, #floridamanridesagain):
#FridayReads - Florida Man Rides Again: a story of an ordinary man doing the extraordinar(ily weird)

The people have demanded, and so: who better to present the chronicles of Heropa's local Florida man than the reporter who's been writing about him for the past 9 months? imPort Iris West chronicles the rise of the elusive Florida Man as he embarks on adventures the rest of us could only dream of, including teaching alligators to chase laser pointers; selling tourists tickets to the nonexistent first Annual Heropa Manatee Rodeo; and putting googly eyes on every painting in the Heropa Museum of Modern Art.

When approached for comment, Ms. West could only ask "What'd he do this time?"

With charming illustrations from Heropa Police's forensic artists and the wise words of Ms. West, "Florida Man Rides Again" will arrive on bookshelves and online readers on March 10! Don't miss your chance to get a signed copy!!

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MOONSHINE SILVER to HMM MAKES YOU PINK. Something to think about.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

oo5 | Video

[itcanwait]

[Tailgate is by the beach in Heropa since it's one of the nearest places that gives him enough room. He gives a wave after setting up the phone against a wall and sits in the sand. That's going to be fun to get out later.]

Hello! For people that don't know, I'm Tailgate!

I've decided I'm going to run for Ambassador of Nonah! It sounds like it could be fun but I know it's a serious position as well and I will be taking it seriously if I get it!

My main focus is to improve the treatment of us that are non-human. Because I understand how insulting and hurtful it can be to also be given a human form, as if how we are isn't good enough. We shouldn't have to hide who we are, be proud! I'll have better housing for those that might not fit into the small accommodation set up.

There's already support groups...I think? Well I'd give funding to those!

And I want to hear your ideas of what you'd like to see be done, about anything related in Nonah, I'd totally give it my all to see what can be done to help you. It doesn't matter what your registration status is either, because I believe in fair treatment for everyone.

So vote for me! Tailgate!

Til all are one!

[And then he moves onto his knees and reaches to turn the recording off.]

[003 | Video] On The Campaign Trail

[lastofthebog]

[ The video begins with Galla seated at a desk. There's sunlight streaming in through a window on one side, and behind her is a half-filled bookshelf. The subjects range from texts on world history and politics, to medical tomes, to some simplistic books on how to use computers and the internet. She had to get started somehow, okay? In any case, she's casting a confident and somewhat apologetic smile at the camera now. ]

I'll apologize in advance for adding to the coming onslaught of these announcements, but I would like to make it known that I will be running for the position Nonah's Ambassador. I believe my experience as a leader to my own country has left me quite qualified, and as I've already made it my intent to use my knowledge and skill to serve my fellow imPorts, I think I would be suited to an office that is made to serve you.

I understand that I am rather new in comparison to most of my competitors, but I've proven myself to be very adaptable. I come from an era without any of these modern technologies, and yet I am speaking to you today from this marvel of science. And, more importantly, I am dedicated to learning all I can about each of you to better understand the difficulties faced by us in this world; both individually and as a community. Many of you have seen my efforts in that regard already, so you will know that it is no empty promise.

My intent, should I be selected as your Ambassador, is to be your voice, first and foremost. It's true I have many of my own goals, but an Ambassador—any leader or ruler should be the realization of the will of their people. [ Here, her smile fades into a look stoic commitment. ] Should you have any concerns or desires apart from my own, I will do all in my power to make them heard. That is my promise to you.

[ With that moment of intensity out of the way, the smile returns. She even relaxes in her chair. ]

Next, as I have said previously, I would like to focus on strengthening our own community. I have seen much talk of native and imPort relations, and I believe that is an important issue to address, but I would first like to build the sense of connection and unity within our own community. I believe that as we come to understand each other and the many, many different worlds that we hail from, we will be better able to decide how we would like to connect to natives as a whole. Even more, if we are a united front in our requests and demands to the government, I believe we will have even greater successes. I had planned to tackle this issue in my current role as Multi-Cultural Events Coordinator, but I believe I can do even more as Nonah's Ambassador.

As for concrete plans, I can say that I will work to establish a system of support for unregistered imPorts. If the government will force us to register with them to access the full extent of their aid, then I will ensure there is an alternative within Nonah.

I also have strong objections to the way we are branded upon arrival, and will fight against the practice. [ There's a brief, sour twist of her mouth. ] It reeks of ownership, and it is no help to our relationship with natives to have us so blatantly marked as "other." This issue I think will be the most difficult to address, but I will do my best to make the American government see reason about it.

Now I'm sure that I've talked for long enough, so I will leave it at that. I do, of course, welcome any questions that you have for me.

003 | Video

[herrstory]

[ Here is a bored looking German man, sitting in an official looking office. For those familiar, they might realize it is Dr. Chilton's office. But hey -- Herr Starr needed a place that looks like it gives him some authority and this is the best he can do. ]

I have been here for one ambassadorial election. I have seen the way the network gets flooded with campaign posts and promises. Promises that are likely built upon political lies, meant to cater to the naivety of the masses. Or perhaps promises made from foolish people who believe they can truly make a difference when it comes to bridging the gap between imPorts and natives. As though we are not parasites who leech onto their world and take up resources that could be going to those more in need. None of these ambassadors will step out of their government given homes and instead give it to the man in the back alley who gives handies for a quarter simply so he could buy a box of terrible wine.

[ A weighted pause. ]

But I have brought home such a man. And I found the experience to be enlightening. After a lengthy conversation over his terrible boxed wine, he told me imPorts were the cause of his homeless state. His wife, his children -- dead in some imPort caused calamity. His home tragically destroyed. And I said to him, the world does not have to be that way. The Messiah is here.

Now. I am not this Messiah. But as it had been my job back home, I shall clear the path for him to make a better, cleaner world. And until the time he is ready, I am willing to step forward and do what it takes to give him better opportunities. This is why I am running for Nonah Ambassador. I am not a politician. I despise politicians. So should you elect me, I can promise you I will be honest. Brutally so. But I will never disillusion you with promises I do not plan on keeping. I will do what it takes to ensure good prevails in the community. And I will not shame you. No matter who you are or what your kink happens to be.

[ This is spoken with a somber expression. Starr is absolutely serious when he says no kinkshaming. ]

Furthermore. I know what it takes to bring a community together. If you look at Exhibit A, you will see my first network post united the imPort community at large over the one thing we can all agree upon and what I am positive the native community wants to see from us as well.

[ He stares intensely into the camera. What may have been a decent bid for ambassador is now completely ruined by his final statement. ]

Nude photographs.