001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

[Context. Sure. That's the problem here.]

Hey, I'm not judging. Sometimes I go to gay bars just for the compliments. I mean, it's all fair game. [Because seriously, Jeff is literally too empathetic to ever give a shit about this sort of thing.]

He did kinda seem uh, 'unconventional'. But then I found he was Canadian sooo...

[cuff]

[ Ohhhhh, you motherfucker, prepare for a steely eyed glare. You do not get to assume what bars he does or does not go to okay. He does not care how much you give a crap about your own sentiment.

But oh look, let's avoid that subject. ]

Sooo just wait until he brings up curling and then you'll be in a whole new world of what the hell's he on about. But he's, ah- pretty far outside the dotted Canadian lines, too.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Just smiling innocently forever at that glaring.]

If he's weird even by Canadian standards then maybe he needs to be institutionalized.

[cuff]

[ STOP IT. Dickwad. ]

And maybe we should pick apart all your freaky little habits, see who needs to be handed over to the guys in the white coats. 'Least Fraser's got it together enough to still keep his job.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah yeah, point taken. We're all a little insane.

[cuff]

Now y'get to show yours off on tv.

[ferrisbuellean]

Except that like 90% of my show is gonna be total lies.

[cuff]

No, shit? Even the puzzle games? I was lookin' forward to that part.

[ferrisbuellean]

Puzzle games? What sort of show do you think this is gonna be?!

[cuff]

You said it, now you gotta provide.

[ferrisbuellean]

I lied. Remember the bit about me lying about everything?

[cuff]

And I lied when I said your show's gonna be more interesting than curling.

[ferrisbuellean]

Wow, that hurts. Nothing can be more boring than curling.

[cuff]

Now here you are to fill that time slot.

[ferrisbuellean]

Look, if you really want on the show, all you have to do is ask.

[cuff]

Nah, you can keep your shiny camera crew to yourself.

[ferrisbuellean]

Hey, maybe we'll cross paths in work anyway. Lucky you.

[cuff]

Y'know, let's hope not. Luckier for everyone.

[ferrisbuellean]

Oh, c'mon. Are you trying to avoid associating with me? I thought we were bonding.

[cuff]

[ no. ]

You. Your camera crew. Camera in my face means a foot in someone else's.

[ferrisbuellean]

So it's crew you have a problem with? What about without?

[cuff]

You just wanna stumble in on a case?

[ferrisbuellean]

Well, I dunno about stumble. I was kinda hoping for more of a swagger.

[cuff]

You wanna pair of shades to go with that, maybe?

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, that'd be great. Do you have any aviators?

[Purposefully obtuse ftw.]