[04] Voice

[kingpawn]

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Comments

Private, video;

[abduxel]

You know my story already, boss.

It wasn't my birthday, though. At least, I don't think so. I don't remember what my birthday was. I think if I'd died on it, I would remember it.

Private, video;

[kingpawn]

[ Oh. Video, huh? Well. Enjoy the bloodshot eyes, look of faraway peace on Walt's face, and the haze of smoke from Walt's most recent joint. ]

You don't know when your birthday was? How is that something you even forget? I guess your only option is to make one up.

Private, video;

[abduxel]

[He doesn't control his reaction well; he immediately looks a bit surprised, frowns just ever so slightly, and then smirks with barely restrained amusement. He decides not to address it directly. Lightly,]

You'd be amazed what you can forget in ninety years. It's just a day, anyway, it doesn't mean anything.

What's your sign, Walt?

Private, video;

[kingpawn]

[ The best mood Walt's ever been in, tbh. ]

Of course it means something. It's the day you started living. It's an excuse to have a celebration. And get presents. You like presents, right? I can totally tell...you're a presents sort of guy. Demon. Demon guy.

[ He waves his finger at Abduxel in genuine amusement and then squints. Sign. What is it? It comes to him after a momentary delay. ]

Virgo.

Private, video;

[abduxel]

Dogs and cats don't celebrate their birthdays. What makes each person so special? That everyone else should celebrate the day you came into existence some years ago... kind of prideful, don't you think?

[He thinks for a moment.]

I do like presents.

[Deals, really, but he loves getting way more than he bargained for. That's a present, right?]

video

[whitequeens]

I'm very sorry to hear that happened to you, Mr. White. [She says with the utmost sympathy and sincerity in her voice.]

But I still do not believe this place is for the dead. Perhaps it is meant to be a second chance, for those like you.

permavoice!

[kingpawn]

[ Normally Walt matches the medium people are using. But he's not about to turn on video and let Euphie see him in this state. ]

A second chance. A second chance to make some of the same mistakes in a new world, right?

[ He says it with a laugh. ]

[whitequeens]

Um. Well, perhaps! That's always a possibility, I suppose. But you could try to do things differently, knowing now what you didn't know then... don't you think?

[kingpawn]

I'm doing things a little different.

[ Like right now with Jesse. ]

I'm finding my own way. It's fine.

[ action ]

[hostage]

[When Jesse comes shuffling back into their hotel room only to find Walt hunched over his communicator, he immediately steps over to pluck the thing out of Walt's hands. He shuts it off without offering a chance to finish the conversation, tosses it onto the bed, and drops a half ounce of weed onto Walt's lap. Something more pleasant to pay attention to.

...Well, aside from Jesse himself.]

You get bored without me?

[kingpawn]

Wha...hey.

[ Walt gives Jesse a temporarily stern look when he frees the communicator from his hands, but then his expression gives way to amusement and a snorted bit of laughter. ]

Christ, Jesse. I don't know whether you're the worst or the best.

[ He takes the weed in his hands, squinting at it. He seems so fascinated by it for a few moments before: ]

Harley's coming over. She's bringing food which is good because I'm starving.

[hostage]

[Yay! Harley!]

I figured you might be.

[...As he's reaching into his jacket to pull out a Snickers bar. Which he then waves in front of Walt's face.]

How much do you love me right now, you big old stoner?

[kingpawn]

Jesse, you're a godsend.

[ Walt eyes the Snickers bar like it's gold, reaching up to take it, tear off the wrapper and take a huge bite. His moan is nearly orgasmic. ]

Oh my god. Oh wow. I didn't remember how good these were.

private

[resipiscent]

You're definitely not the only one.

I haven't died personally, but... I saw myself die.

[It's kind of a weird story.]

I mean, he was a clone of me. But he was made to believe he was me. So... I don't know.

private

[kingpawn]

That sounds like a unique situation. And what was that like? How did it make you feel?

private

[resipiscent]

It was.

... I... [Feel? It's hard to explain.] ... would you be disappointed in me if I said I was the one to kill him?

It wasn't in cold blood or anything, I did it because he attacked me, but... there could have been another way, couldn't there?

private

[kingpawn]

[ Would he be disappointed? No! He'd be thrilled! Murder buddies!! ]

No, Riku. I'm not disappointed.

[ And Walt doesn't even sound horrified to learn this knowledge. ]

Sometimes it's the only way we can defend ourselves. If he meant to do you harm, I don't think a lot could have been done to stop him otherwise. Needless to say, you did what you had to and you can't beat yourself up over it.

voice

[mirroredmemory]

Doesn't that feel kind of weird being happy and being sad at the same time on the same day?

voice

[kingpawn]

Well, I can tell you it's a situation I never thought I'd be in.

Or one that I thought possible.

A testament to this strange world we live in.

voice

[mirroredmemory]

I know. It's really strange. You don't really think about what's going to happen after... you know.

I don't suppose you ever think about getting a birthday after.

voice

[kingpawn]

And then, does the count start over from the beginning? I mean, am I really 53? Or is it like I'm one year past my death? Do you forget birthdays altogether and just start calling it a Deathaversary?

voice;

[cleptes]

I haven't died back home. [ Not yet, ha ] Though it was my birthday not so long ago.

Didn't do anything for it.

[ Getting off the point, Bela. This was supposed to be about him or something. ]

Hell can be of your own making, wherever you are. [ A considering pause. ] To others, this place might be better than their own world back home. Either because they're alive here or they've met the love of their life.

voice;

[kingpawn]

Oh. Happy belated birthday.

[ And he laughs. He laughs at the part about falling in love. ]

Pretty sad to fall in love here, isn't it? A place so unpredictable that you can be here one day and gone the next. Seems almost pointless.

voice;

[cleptes]

It does seem pointless. And yet, I don't think that would stop anyone from pursuing something if it is worth it to them, as brief as it might be.

[ Just ask Will Graham. He seems just fine with it. ]

That doesn't mean I'm looking for love. A little bit of fun now and again but not love.

[ Because of trust issues and many others besides that.]

voice;

[kingpawn]

But are you open to the possibility? If it does happen?

[ His tone is curious, wondering. He certainly didn't expect to find anyone who would ever compare to Skyler in this world. Though with that thought... ]

And imagine you're married to someone back home. Just imagine it. Do you consider it cheating to take on another sexual partner during your time here?