video;

[helpline]

[ The first thing you see....is pumpkins. So many pumpkins. This house is full of pumpkins in various stages of being carved. Those who know Hazel can easily recognize this scene of mass chaos as Residence #11. However, the chalk scribbles on the wall are decidedly not hers. To start with, some of them are in a different language that looks kind of circly.

The personless scene lasts only for a moment before the Doctor scurries into frame, looking a mixture of confused and frowny. He's looking kind of magician, wearing a black coat over a black hoodie. Finally, he's holding an owl by the scruff of it's neck (can you do that with an owl? Who knows, the Doctor's doing so). Said owl is Owlfonso, the skateboarding owl that really doesn't want to be here right now and is desperately trying to peck the Doctor's fingers. ]

I want to clarify first that for once, none of this is my fault. [ except the chalk writing, which is obviously his, but that either a: goes without commenting on or b: the Doctor's forgotten it by now. also wow, that sure is a Scottish accent ] That being said- [ WHAM the camera gets a face full of owl ]

Is this normal? I mean, normal for owls. Is this how I can tell this dimension apart from my dimension? No eyepatches, no goatees, just owls that can suddenly skateboard? [ He backs poor Owlfonso away from the camera, as the Doctor's still got an expression that's pure 'what the hell is this shit' ] Well, skateboarding owls and a postponed perestroika. Spoilers, you're twenty years out of date.

[ pause, frown. The Doctor looks over at poor Owlfonso with a sort of resigned expression. ] The alternate dimension of owls and Communism. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Comments

[deadtective]

...you know that it only sort of looks like the 1950s here, right?

[helpline]

Obviously it's 2015. But don't people still use radios in 2015?

[deadtective]

Not enough to desperately need them repaired.

[helpline]

That's the problem with time travel. I'm never a hundred percent sure what technology is en vogue.

[deadtective]

Whatever you think is popular, it's probably the opposite of that.

[helpline]

I'll try to find somewhere to trade in my Betamax, then. [ he's joking. And he's got a 'ha ha, I'm joking' smile on his face just to show how much he's joking ]

[deadtective]

Heard the museum's still looking for pieces.

[and she's joking right back, which is different than making fun because some of the obnoxious edge has been taken off.]

[helpline]

My TARDIS is a museum curator's dream. [ paaaause ] Or, at least, she would be if she were here.

[deadtective]

I'm sure they'll swallow their disappointment and just take the consolation Betamaxes.

[helpline]

Any port in a storm, as the saying goes.

[deadtective]

Any relic for a display case, more like.

[helpline]

The museums here must be terribly desperate. Of course, a Betamax from an alternate universe is still something from an alternate universe, this world might find it worthy of study by that factor alone.

[deadtective]

Are they actually studying any of this shit? I thought they were just stupidly fascinated with us.

[helpline]

I thought they'd actually be studying this. What kind of a rubbish reality doesn't study what's in front of them?

[deadtective]

The kind that issues me a detective license, apparently.

[despite having worked really hard for this Hazel is still baffled how they ever let her have something like that.]

[helpline]

You're a detective? That's good, I get on grand with detectives. [ at least, the few he's met he's gotten along grand with. ]

[deadtective]

Like, actually grand, or 'I'd dunk their head in a toilet at the first opportunity' kind of grand? Because honestly I mostly get the last one.

[helpline]

Actually grand. One of them threw the most important punch in the history of the universe and the other is a lizard woman from the dawn of time.

[ said 100% SERIOUS ]

[deadtective]

[there's a pause as Hazel mulls this over, and then:]

Yeah, that sounds about right for the profession.

[helpline]

I suppose the profession does attract a certain type. [ shrug! ]

[deadtective]

What, weirdos with fucking shitass morals? It's swimming in them.

[helpline]

[ he's about to say something....but yeah, no, they both had terrible morals. ] No, you're right, I really can't contest that.

[deadtective]

Damn right you can't, because it's true.

[helpline]

[ somehow the Doctor gets the feeling that she will never let this go. ] If you hold this against me for too long, I'm going to throw chalk at your head.

[deadtective]

It's not going to do you any good.