Video: BB-8 says hi

[flightforfreedom]

[ Hello network. When the video first comes on, all that's really visible is the ceiling, and the audio is a soft, gentle snore. A second later, however, a spherical white and orange droid rolls into view, looming over the camera. He beeps a hello in Binary, though the meaning translates well enough regardless, and then proceeds to type using a tiny extendable arm onto Poe's communicator. ]

Network query: How best to make idiot human happy?

Additional optional query: How many have idiot humans?

Additional request: How best to delete network messages and/or bribe communication devices to not show them.

Thank you.

Comments

[storyseeker]

[Oh lord. Elena is already giggling. That is so cute.]

Draw a picture on his face. He'll like it.

A lot of us.

There should be an option for that on the interface—look for an X.

[flightforfreedom]

[ The camera is on, and BB-8 tilts his head at the message. ]

The communications device comes with a writing implement? Or do you mean a digital application to apply said drawing post video production?

[continuousgroaning]

how is he being an idiot?

that'll help figure out how to make him happy

[flightforfreedom]

Confession: Poe Dameron is always an idiot.

In this particular case it appears he is suffering Post Traumatic Stress from the Shimmer Event and has since limited human contact.

[forkingbullshirt]

Idiot humans almost always like booze.

I'm my own idiot human so I can vouch for this.

[flightforfreedom]

Query: does the consumption of alcohol make you happy, or compound idiocy?

Personal reference notes would indicate the latter, in the majority of circumstances.

[determinans]

Hello, BB-8. Truthfully, I'm beginning to feel that most of us have an idiot organic of some sort.

Hank seems happiest watching a sports match with a beer and Sumo across his lap. My safety and wellbeing also seems to make him happy. I don't believe those things work for every human, though.

[flightforfreedom]

I also am drawing to this conclusion.

Query: Hank is your human?

Additional Query: What is a sumo?

Voice

[stylistic_disloyalty]

Oh hey, it's Nannybot 3000. How's it rolling, darling?

Do I have to come over there?

[flightforfreedom]

[ He burbles a happy greeting in beeps and whistles. ]

Hello, Luci. It does not roll, but I do. And I do it well. [ Look, he made a joke. ]

Your presence does tend to raise Poe's mood considerably, if you have time available.

action i dont have enough crobat icons for this

[h2no]

[crobat, whom had insisted that archie let him out to watch top gun with the two morons, is sitting across the room on a single armchair. like a people! it's watching the screen, but its gaze flicks over to bb8 when he starts fiddling with the communicator.

the giant bat hops off the chair - surprisingly quiet for his size - and watches bb8 type away. pokémon are smart; crobat may not have the vocal ability to speak with humans, but he understands the language and can sort of read it. red eyes trace over the screen as the words appear and it grunts. chittering away to the smaller droid.

arceus knows if the weird magnezone can understand him, but he tries anyway.]

You can't make them happy. Humans that stupid always find something to be upset about. It's ridiculous.

[flightforfreedom]

[ BB-8 burbles - almost a laugh - and it would appear he managed to at least take some meaning from Crowbat's chittering. It replies in binary, unsure if the Pokemon can understand, but at least his tone should convey his meaning. ]

It is worth the attempt, if he will not do it for himself.

text

[knaval]

lol hey bb
whatd he do this time

[flightforfreedom]

Hello, Riptide. He is isolating himself again and spending too much time sitting on a couch watching action films.

At least he is going back to work, now.

Perhaps explosives will help?

video

[mortalweapon]

[ OH. IT'S SMALL... ]

I suppose it depends on the human.

My name is Danger.
What are you called?

[flightforfreedom]

Hello, Danger.

My designation is BB-8, though you may also call me BeeBee.

Humans do have a great variety of required input, but my hope is to discover generalized actions that I can then adapt and adjust for Poe in particular.

video;

[revolutionrocks]

Hey man.

With regard to query number two, does it count if the idiot human is technically another incarnation of me?

[flightforfreedom]

[ There is a long pause as BB-8 attempts to process this question.

Longer pause.

Longer pause -- ]



Yes.

It counts.

It is still an idiot human that you care about, correct?

[tradecrafted]

Speaking as the idiot human in a similar relationship, happiness is more complicated than it should be. There are a lot of people very invested in your moron's happiness, though.

[flightforfreedom]

Yes, I am coming to understand this, Captain Andor.

Though I would argue that Poe's happiness was less complicated when I could merely herd him into his X-Wing. [ Even though BB-8 thought that particular ship was a pain in the god damn ass. ]

For the record, he is also very invested in K-2SO's moron's happiness.

So I will be sure to share any data I collect with Kaytoo.

text;

[cleptes]

Comfort food and conversation. That usually works for me.

Although it may depend upon what is making the idiot human in question unhappy in the first place.

[flightforfreedom]

I have attempted both and they have low to mid level effect on his overall mood.

I believe it is an accumulation of post traumatic stress.

text

[izanyagi]

Network Reply: Depends what they like! Food is always a good way if they like eating. Most humans do.

Additional optional reply: Do all robots call their humans idiots?

Additional answer: If you find the answer for that one, let me know I'm curious if it is possible myself

Welcome!

- Yu Narukami

[flightforfreedom]

Poe will eat anything put in front of him, but prefers things he can eat and fly with at the same time, especially if they come wrapped in foil. I have not gathered that his opinion on the subject is considered a good one.

When they deserve it.

So far I have had no luck.

Thank you, Yu Karukami.

text

[onlydoubts]

Humans are kind of difficult when it comes to things like happiness and emotions. Been a little worried for him. If there is anything that I can do to help, you need only ask, yeah?

I'm not sure about deleting messages, but I could also try - though I think he'd understand.

[flightforfreedom]

I think the best method may simply be distraction, until he no longer remembers that this happened.

I have also been worried about him. But I think you already do very much to help, Bodhi Rook.

I know how much he values your company.

text; un: Ash Starmer | Green Newman

[subroutined]

[ in binary: ]

you can set an exception filter to hide the post from someone in particular.

hello. are you new?

[flightforfreedom]

[ !!!!! ]

[He replies, in vocal binary: ]

I am not new. I am here because Poe is here, as part of his 'power set' as granted by the porter. It is implied that therefore I am a part of his person, but in our home universe we are separate entities, and I have not found any indication that this has changed.

Thus I cannot filter him from this post, as technically this is posted from his communicator.

text

[girlybruiser]

[ Oh, hey... it's that girl that tried to murder you. ]

Avoiding name-calling might help a little.

[flightforfreedom]

Is it name calling if it is an accurate assessment?

He has not been making good decisions lately.

[ Text ]

[motorcycle_noises]

!!! Are you a robot?
What makes a person happy depends on the individual in question.
Some people are happy with company, some with puzzles or distractions, there's loads of methods.
Also, I know you can lock network messages but I don't know if you can do it retroactively.

[flightforfreedom]

I am an astromech companion droid. It is similar to what you would call a robot, only I am fully automated and independently intelligent.

Are there any methods that work particularly well for you?

Even if I could lock it, as I must use Poe's communicator to post in the fist place, I would not be able to lock it from him.

[Text]

[justaskalice]

You're round and kinda cuddly; cuddling something nice tends to make idiot humans happy?

Works on mine.

[flightforfreedom]

He does appear to greatly appreciate physical contact, though I cannot cuddle him back with any ease or comfort, so it mostly has to be initiated from his side.

Also I am not very soft.

Are you also round?

Text;

[loyal_soldier]

[He could respond with video--he knows enough binary for that to work--but since Poe seems to be in the room, he replies in text.]

Hello, BB-8. I'm not sure I know how, or at least not one that's valid for people who aren't Imperial Armed Forces. But I can try and assist, if you feel it would be beneficial.

I might not know the answer, but I think I'm several people's idiot human. That might count for something.

[flightforfreedom]

Hello, TK-622.

I believe your assistance in these matters is always highly beneficial. I know he appreciates your company even when he overthinks it.

If it is not presumptuous to say, I would postulate that you are one of my idiot humans, on Poe's behalf.

What would make someone in the Imperial Armed Forces happy?

text;

[reexamined]

I know what will get him off the couch.

How much do think he cares about the couch?

[flightforfreedom]

Given that he has destroyed them before:

Little.

video;

[snarkbot]

My idiot human currently isn't here, but I've found that trying to keep them happy means ultimately realizing it's a futile effort but supporting them regardless.

Droid shade

[flightforfreedom]

I am sorry that you have been separated from your idiot human.

May I suggest: Kaytoo makes a good replacement.

[leyed]

i have a few stupid idiot humans. what are yours like?

[flightforfreedom]

My main charge is Poe Dameron who spends most of his time nearly getting himself killed and the rest in a passionate state about something or other.

He is exhausting.

And I am very fond.

My other humans are not currently on Earth, though Finn was for a time. Rey has not been here for the entirety of my history here, and I am fairly certain she never has been.

However I have some new humans here as well.

[Text]

[faithfulson]

[ ...it really isn't fair how cute Poe's astromech is. ]

Giving R2 a hug always used to help me when things were tough, and it was just the two of us.

Is Poe okay, BB?

[flightforfreedom]

I have been told to bump his legs and vibrate gently to remind him to show me physical affection. He does not need the reminder but I believe this is intended to be "cute".

He is not dying, which is more than I could say a few weeks ago. But I do not think he is okay.

Voice;

[photophobic]

[ ...It's the bb unit with the now-irrelevant map. He stares, a choked laugh threatening to bubble up- but on reading some of the information the droid offers freely, his mood shifts.

Ironic, that he and Dameron should find themselves fighting the same invisible enemy.

He decides to reply. ]

Interesting. I wonder how many more secrets Dameron has entrusted you with.

[flightforfreedom]

[ BB-8 knows that voice. It doesn't even have to look at the username to know who this is. It makes a low worried note, and then, in binary out-loud, says: ]

None of the information I have hereto supplied is information that Poe would consider confidential.

[disentombs]

[Is that robot truly capable of asking such emotion driven questions? Gansey is quite amused.]

How interesting that you call him an idiot and yet you want to make him happy. Those both seem like non-objective words that robots usually don’t understand.

[flightforfreedom]

I think it is quite common for those with partnerships like ours to understand the limitations of our partners and still wish for their happiness.

He is an idiot. But he is my idiot.

I am also not a robot. I am a droid. Robots on earth do not even seem to have low level artificial intelligence, let alone anything as actualised as I, or others of my kind, possess.