001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

I'm all for them knowing their rights, just means they call for a lawyer that much quicker.

[dogsled]

That is ideal. My partner would disagree, of course, but then he's never had much patience for defense attorneys--or, well. That's not precisely true. There are exceptions. [ But Ray wouldn't appreciate him blabbing about his marriage right now. ] Oh dear.

[ferrisbuellean]

Your partner. Okay. [Are we talking business or pleasure partners here, Fraser? Not even gonna ask.]

So he a prosecutor or a cop? [He's even letting that 'oh dear' slide for now. So kind.]

[dogsled]

[ Wouldn't you like to know. ]

He's a detective with the Chicago Police Department.

[ferrisbuellean]

Chicago, huh? Mafia central. Ouch. There's a lot of good money to be made in a place like that.

[For a sleezeball guy like him, anyway.]

[dogsled]

There is, believe it or not, a great deal of criminal activity that occurs in Chicago that has very little to do with the Cosa Nostra.

[ Just. You know. Most of it. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Oh, I believe it. [Think of all those beautiful pay checks.]

So if he's the detective, what were you?

[dogsled]

[ Fraser pauses, sitting back very slightly. ]

I can't be a detective too?

[ferrisbuellean]

Sure you can. I was just making sure we were talking about that kind of partner.

[dogsled]

Oh. [ Well, campfire cuddling notwithstanding... ] I see. Well, actually I'm a Constable--in the RCMP. We have our own investigative office here, although I'm afraid it's not affiliated with either police force.

[ferrisbuellean]

RCMP? How does a Mountie get to be with a Chicago detective? That sounds like the plot to an old school cop show.

[dogsled]

It's an interesting story. In short, I came to Chicago on the trail of my father's killers, and for reasons that perhaps don't need to be explained at this juncture, remained attached as liaison to the Chicago police department.

[ferrisbuellean]

It is the plot to an old school cop show. It's gotta be. Hey, but good for you. So what's your shtick? You're the polite Canadian and your partner is the rough around the edges American cop?

[dogsled]

And I have a pet wolf.

[ Well...it's true. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

I'm surprised they don't have a camera crew following you guys around.

[dogsled]

Well that would be extremely inconvenient.

[ Nevermind the love story. And the tumblrs. Oh god, the horror. American presidents and celebrities declaring their shipping preferences... ]

[ferrisbuellean]

[Jeff already ships it tbh.]

Yeah. It is.

[dogsled]

They don't follow you into the bathroom, do they?

[ferrisbuellean]

Thankfully not, no. But they do get impatient if I take too long. Or if I climb out the window and try to escape. 'Try' being the key word there.

[dogsled]

They do sound very persistent. Of course I imagine the situation would change if the viewing public voted for it. They can be very fickle; they might grow tired of watching a closed lavatory door.

[ferrisbuellean]

Ugh, the public are so demanding. It's like they want more than just a ridiculously handsome face.

[dogsled]

Well they do. They have expectations. I'm told it's quite stressful.
Of course my experience with documentary filmmakers has been...utterly unforgiving.

[ferrisbuellean]

You have experience? Do tell.

[dogsled]

Well, they weren't real film makers, they only posed as filmmakers to kidnap a train full of Mounties, ostensibly intending to document the making of the Musical Ride.
Fortunately I was on hand to see through their poor disguises.

[ferrisbuellean]

Wow, I really hope the same doesn't happen with my film crew. Whatever would I do if they tried to steal a train full of Mounties?