001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[cuff]

[ He sees you talking to his Mountie okay bub, he is not sure he's comfortable with the THINGS YOU ARE SAYING!!! ]

Intrigue and lawyers are two words that're, y'know, not supposed to go together. Even when it's a lawyer on the run.

[ferrisbuellean]

[But making Mounties awkward is his new favorite pastime.]

Uh, excuse you, intrigue and lawyers are two words that go hand in hand. We actually do investigative work. Y'know, unlike the rest of those in law.

[cuff]

[ But that's his job!! Well no actually that's not entirely true, he doesn't really even notice when he does it. ]

Oh yeah, sure you've got work involved. The few of you that actually do it. But intrigue? I'd rather watch paint dry. In the rain.

[ferrisbuellean]

I get it. You don't like lawyers. And look, I'm not even going to waste the effort trying to persuade you otherwise. My show is obviously going to be a little too highbrow for you, so maybe just stick to Reading Rainbow.

[cuff]

Shit, did I miss my highbrow calling card? Must've tossed it. Y'know. By accident. Or is that something I only get to be if i'm disbarred? And no, I didn't learn that word from reading rainbow, in case you're gonna ask.

[ferrisbuellean]

I was gonna ask. [Way to ruin his flow, Ray.]

You're a cop, right? You've got to be a cop. Either that or a security guard.

[cuff]

[ He tries. This is what happens when your ex-wife is the ASA. ]

Detective. But sure, go with cop.

[ferrisbuellean]

Nailed it. Is that what you do in this place too, or did they give you some demeaning shell of your former job?

[cuff]

Managed to get tossed a PI gig. Anything without higher-ups lookin' over everything I do is good enough for me.

[ferrisbuellean]

Wow, that's actually not a bad deal, man. You got seriously lucky. Must actually be vaguely interesting around here too, what with all the powers flying around.

[cuff]

Compared to what i've heard's being dished out, I know I made it out good on this one. But yeah, makes for some pretty interesting work, i'm not complainin'. Isn't Chicago, but hey- what is. [ Yeah okay maybe that's a lead in comment, but w/e, he does what he wants. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

I don't think we want any where else being like Chicago. Chicago though, huh? You friends with a Mountie?

[Look at Jeff, doing his own investigative work.]

[cuff]

[ Look at you go!!! Ray didn't offer that one up at all, but have a superior sort of smile. ]

The Mountie's mine. [ bc Fraser insults him sometimes and it's mean and Ray is putting his foot down. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

[Nope, not offered up. Totally hard detective skills to work that one out.]

Uh, good? You can keep him. Don't worry, I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend.

[cuff]

[ Uh huh yeah sure budd-

SLOW YOUR ROLL. Excuse you and your assumptions, lets talk a walk down denial street. ] Partners. Not boyfriends. I might not be my very own dictionary, but I know the difference.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Wow it sure is warm in Egypt right now.]

Partners. Right. That's exactly what the Mountie said, right before he said how attractive you were.

[cuff]

Yeah, but he's done that before.

[ wait. uh. ] Not- It was different. He means it a different way than you think he means it. [ dig that hole deeper, Ray. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Soooo, when he's saying he finds his long time cop partner attractive, he just means... something different? Boy, that sure makes sense. I'm glad we cleared that up.

[cuff]

[ You don't understand the context!!!! Grumblegrumble. ]

I asked him- It was different. That's all you need to know. [ There's a lot of hand gesturing going on here. Ray is on a quest to convince himself Fraser is actually talking about that one time...... ] He doesn't mean it the way you thinks he means it. Unconventional or not, and even I don't know what he means by that one.

Fraser's the unconventional one.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Context. Sure. That's the problem here.]

Hey, I'm not judging. Sometimes I go to gay bars just for the compliments. I mean, it's all fair game. [Because seriously, Jeff is literally too empathetic to ever give a shit about this sort of thing.]

He did kinda seem uh, 'unconventional'. But then I found he was Canadian sooo...

[cuff]

[ Ohhhhh, you motherfucker, prepare for a steely eyed glare. You do not get to assume what bars he does or does not go to okay. He does not care how much you give a crap about your own sentiment.

But oh look, let's avoid that subject. ]

Sooo just wait until he brings up curling and then you'll be in a whole new world of what the hell's he on about. But he's, ah- pretty far outside the dotted Canadian lines, too.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Just smiling innocently forever at that glaring.]

If he's weird even by Canadian standards then maybe he needs to be institutionalized.

[cuff]

[ STOP IT. Dickwad. ]

And maybe we should pick apart all your freaky little habits, see who needs to be handed over to the guys in the white coats. 'Least Fraser's got it together enough to still keep his job.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah yeah, point taken. We're all a little insane.

[cuff]

Now y'get to show yours off on tv.