(no subject)

[lapwing]

[On the network is what appears to be a young boy, about 12 or 13 years old. For a moment, he stares quite soulfully at the video output impossibly deep, black eyes, and then pokes at the screen with one fingernail.]

Not even a proper imp in there, how's that for you...?

[He pulls back and mimes clearing his throat. A voice far, far more booming than is fit for the child's face resounds across the feed.]

Right, broadcast. AHEM. This is just a friendly, non-suspicious question, inquiring on when the next coup or violent overthrow of this government is going to be. Not that I'm actually advocating it, I just know you humans really can't resist.

I'm pretty handy with a popcorn machine if anyone can provide good seats.

Comments

[lapwing]

Facial tic or love problems, prince froggie?

[dendarii]

None of your business, imp.

[lapwing]

[ The djinni remains cool, calm and collected at all points.¹ ]

Says the mouler.

[rathercommon]

[ dear fuCKING GOD ]

What is wrong with you two! Stop that at once.

[lapwing]

Look at him. There's probably all sorts of names that go for what's wrong with him. Ends in -itis and -ectomy and -dwarfism.

[rathercommon]

Oh, and being a bit on the small side means there's something wrong with you, does it? Because I believe I've seen you when you were quite tiny yourself. Were you deficient at those times?

[lapwing]

Yes. I was drained nearly to death. And yet, still impressive.

[rathercommon]

Right. And what made you impressive?

[lapwing]

Do you have an hour?

[rathercommon]

In three sentences, please.

[lapwing]

Very well, challenge accepted. That didn't count, by the way. Neither did that.

[ He holds a hand up, finger raised, like a conductor before a symphony. ]

I would say, working with perhaps a millionth of the power that I should have no thanks to either of you and your summonings when I could have been properly resting for a few centuries - as much as I understand your feeble bodies can't withstand time quite so well it was particularly inconsiderate - I had managed to defeat several foes, survive multiple traps, through nothing but my amazing cunning, skill, wit and impeccable ability to run away when pressed for all of those things nonconducive to life such as time, energy and herons. Furthermore - this is two - because you didn't say I couldn't use runons as a narrative device you really should watch your wording on these things you'll never make a good magician like that and I'm thankful for that, I'd come through with the particular know how and ingenuity necessary to handle certain all powerful devices which were certainly not any power of humans but a few poor really bored marids but its still not the most powerful thing I've ever handled which you wouldn't even believe what the biggest one was I rather wonder what happened to them, but no matter. And for the third and final sentence as I'm sure you've been riveted waiting for is by the sheer power and excellence of my presence alone which had certainly quelled the enemies and struck fear into them even in my particularly sad and squashable state.

[dendarii]

[ Oh shit, it's Kitty. ]

I swear this is me trying to get along. I tried very hard the first time.

[rathercommon]

Oh, is that so? What exactly went into you trying?

[dendarii]

Extending my friendship on multiple occasions while he repeatedly informs me how short I am.

[rathercommon]

[ That....

...okay, that sounds vaguely plausible, honestly. Well. ]

Well - you've got to...keep trying. He responds to persistence.

[dendarii]

At what point, exactly. Before or after threatening to eat me?

[rathercommon]

Oh, he threatens to eat everyone. Honestly, it's a good sign.

[dendarii]

... Really.

[private]

[devoutish]

What is he, really?

[private]

[rathercommon]

Oh - he's a spirit. A djinni, to be more precise.

[private]

[devoutish]

And this mirroring thing he does.

[Explain the shapeshifting plz.]

[private]

[rathercommon]

Oh.

[ She's distracted a moment as she catches up on their thread, and - hah, that's not nice, Bartimaeus, but it is quite funny. ]

Yes, that. He's not made of physical matter. He's a spirit made of the essence of fire and air - which is, of course, movable, shiftable stuff. So he moves and shifts it around. He can look like anyone - or anything - he wants to. Most of the time, he chooses forms that are perfectly tacky and hideous. Honestly, he simply has no taste sometimes.

[private]

[devoutish]

He's breaking the mold with me, then; I'm lovely.

[Still with the jokes, even though he can't see this.]

Dangerous?

[private]

[rathercommon]

Oh, no doubt.

[ She gives a fond half-laugh as she says that. She hesitates over his question a moment, then says: ]

And...Yes, honestly, he is...dangerous, after a fashion. He's had to defend himself for thousands of years against people who would try to exploit him. But he's not cruel or wicked. He's very kind and very good. Just don't...be bad to him.

[private]

[devoutish]

To a creature like that? I wouldn't plan on it.

[Alfie is a terrible asshole, but he's not a stupid terrible asshole.]