THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2016

TAKING STOCK
As seen on Tech Blogs, news outlets, Faux News, Grudge Report, SMN Money:
Stock prices fell today when the official word is in about the new StarkTech app called the "4". After a surge in purchases these past few weeks, surrounding the mysterious new product, but after a few testers released scathing reviews of the app's functionality, it looks as if the surge of new clients may be over for the Import Tech Giant. The testing website StarkWatch reported that the app was "...altogether disappointing..." and "...had no real functionality changes from your average calendar application."

When provided this information, some StarkTech diehards echoed the company line, which was that it's going to be used for futher hardware upgrades later, but we have to ask ourselves: why didn't wait until the inevitable upgrades, then?

SOME LIKE IT HOT
As seen on national news:
As temperature records shatter across the nation in an unusually hot heatwave, certain corners of the internet and talk radio are targeting imPorts as the cause. Ronald Chump has been quoted, from his Bwitter accounts, suggesting that if imPorts are the reason for "hot temps rising then maybe we need to use 'em for energy source. Smart idea! We'd save bigly!"

BASICALLY JUST NERDS FLIRTING
As seen on PAGE SIX ad section of major published newspapers:
.... . .-.. .-.. --- --..-- / -.. --- -.-. - --- .-. .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .. -. / --- ..- .-. / ... .. --. .... - ... .-.-.-

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL
As seen on national news:
General criminal trends have seen a downturn drop in De Chima, Nonah, and Maurtia Falls. The decrease in reported crime has been in part attributed to the successful imPort Ambassadorships of those respective cities. Public opinion among local residents is at an all-time high of 87% (collectively, when polled across the three cities). This may well be a golden era for imPort Ambassadors!

PUSS IN BUCKS
As seen on Rumblr, Deddit, TMI magazine, and celebrity gossip blogs:
Deddit user "kittygalore", who claims to be a disgruntled insider of Ronald Chump's branding circle, has said that Chump has designs on Kitty Jones and her public persona.

"Chump is practically in love," writes kittygalore. "He seeks to market and conquer a new property. That's orgasmic to him."

True or false, the trend of interest in imPort personalities has skyrocketed over the past few weeks. With the apparent exportation of Lucifer, more advertising companies are sweating the reality that imPorts can be a temporary, and highly popular, commodity. The demand is immediate, and market watchers predict that soon companies will start reaching out for individual imPort sponsorships.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from VERY WORRIED BERRY to CAUTIOUS PATRIOTISM because fans have been thrilled over the sporting imPorts of this August Swearing In! But you never know what lies in wait shortly after fun events.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
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003 🔥 VIDEO

[insinerate]

[When the broadcast begins, the scene is an unfamiliar one for most imPorts. A small, tidy shop, complete with glass display cases and well-dressed mannequins standing alongside the walls—and not a customer in sight. Plenty of boxes, though. Some closed and taped, set aside upon the glass counter top or on the floor, and some open...one of which is presently being filled by Yuri, color-coordinated and packed spools of thread being neatly tucked away with no word as to why.

Not that the answer is difficult to extrapolate.]

For nearly two years I have lived in this world, but there is very little I have allowed myself to celebrate with the abandon I've witnessed in so many others. [If this fact upsets him, he gives no indication. Only the briefest of glances up from the task at hand, to address an audience not actually before him.] Most holidays were either wrought with disaster of my own creation, or spent alone. For so long solitude was preferred to the company of those I might someday be required to pass judgment upon. I could not risk becoming...attached.

[And it seems not much has changed.]

However, in a few days...

[Here, he pauses to examine a beautiful wooden box full of ornate watchbands, of which only two appear to be missing.]

Well, I'll be another year older on the twenty-fourth. This will mark my second birthday in this world, the first having been spent nursing an injury I sustained in Greenland Park, Heropa...but I've no desire to relive that experience. In fact, I was hoping to spend the day doing something I seldom seem to have time for: unwinding.

[The wooden box is packed away, its lid closed softly and without a sound. Leaning then upon the counter, Yuri gives those listening his undivided attention.]

So, I find myself curious. How is it you all prefer to spend the commemorative occasions in your lives? Perhaps one of you has a quiet suggestion that will appeal.

Video: Battle of Wills! Or translation: Battle of the idiots

[glitchinthesystem]

ahh . . . Hello from Heropa!

I'd like to announce a match. Ikki Minami, Storm King, Sky King and King of the Universe, against Glitch—Emperor of All, Slayer of Evil things, and Five Time Winner of Team Asskicking.

Team Kogarasumaru vs. Team . . . Instinct?

—anyway! Match style is one on one, all abilities allowed. Victory is by surrender or inability to continue, and . . . on the line is . . . a single deluxe hotdog. And a large cola! To be served by the defeated on their knees.

That's everything, isn't it? ( The morons under here )

video;

[lunaraneae]

[There's a shot of the sky, the edge of a building, then Silk's foot. Finally, she turns the camera on herself, scratching at her cheek under her trademark red scarf.]

Okay, so I know it's just a knock-off, and the little monsters don't look the same at all, plus the names are kind of dumb but... I'm addicted. I don't even have the excuse of nostalgia since I'm from another universe! It still just... feels the same.

Maybe I already bought some of the stuffed toys.

Anyways, what I'm trying to ask is, is anyone else playing MonMon Walk? You'd better be on the zappy team.

...Also, if the devs see this, please make it so I can hatch eggs while I'm swinging. Please?

[There's a long pause, before Silk gives an awkward wave and shoots out a webline, the video cutting out just as she steps off the building.]

video;

[helpline]

[ The Doctor gives the camera a grin and a little nod. ]

Hello network! Just have a quick question here, time to take a roll call! Who's got magical creepy healing powers?

[ this is "being subtle." Sorry Clara. There's a big grin before, ]

Oh! Also, how do you own a shop? Apparently I got promoted. I've worked in a shop before but I don't think I've ever owned one.

[Video | Backdated to Friday Night, 8-18-16]

[heroforhobby]

[He's still not too comfortable with English, so the translator is still translating what he's saying. However, instead of translating audibly it translates with text, putting it at the bottom of the viewer's screen like subtitles on a foreign movie.]

I have an announcement. I guess.

[Whatever it is, he has no excitement about it. Even if it was something he would like he probably wouldn't be anymore excited than he is now. This i likes a 1 on the excitement scale.]

For some reason the band hasn't kicked me out yet. [Government bonuses for having an imPort in the band perhaps?] And they "booked a gig." I was supposed to hang up fliers but. [He holds up a stack of papers with a shrug. But he just didn't.] Sooo...figured I'd say something on here at least.

It's . . . [He holds up a flier to read off the info; he doesn't even know this off the top of his head.] It's at a place called Tipsy Bird in Maurtia Falls. Starts at 7PM. All ages but it has a bar. [Puts down the flier.] That's important to know, I suppose. So come. If you want.

[He moves to turn off the feed and post but stops as he remembers something else to say.] Oh, and I'm the singer.

[THEN he posts. Anyone paying attention to this video will note that he is not very charismatic at all and has a dull, not-melodic voice. Plus the fact he doesn't appear to know English. And he's saying he's the singer. Have fun with that.]

((OOC: Open log for the gig here!))