Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2017-11-02 12:51 pm
shadowglitter) wrote in maskormenace2017-11-02 12:51 pm
video. space time
Hey, it's me! ODIN DARK. [ he puts his hand over his face, shielding the world from the madness that stirs within him. ] When you were a child, were you ever afraid of... the Dark? Gehehuhuhuahahaha.
So, if you can't tell from the billboards of my face hung up all around in basically every city, I'm gonna be on TV! I'm a contestant on that space thing! Which is great because I deserve it more than anyone and I'm really funny and cool and smart and good looking and I'm gonna be naked and lighting things on fire and getting into fist fights and throwing drinks into people's faces like all the time so that everybody gives me attention and votes to keep me around or whatever. Get pumped! But also: I have some games we can play to celebrate? Consider this the second episode of my vlog I guess.
Game one: which of these are you? [ he holds his camera up to rEVEAL A WEREWOLF NAME QUIZ. he gives you about 2 seconds to look at the print out before he's moving on. ]
Game two: not actually a game! Tell me about things you want to see people do on TV so that I can do it. Literally anything. I'm not kidding. I'm going to be in space and I'm telling you right now I will literally do anything you tell me to do if it'll get me the attention I so sorely crave. Actually I guess this is the game in that whoever gives me the most ludicrous assignment wins? Haha. This feeling in my veins - what I once thought to be umbral, soulrendering dread - I now recognize as just super fun excitement.
Game three: TELL ME A SECRET ABOUT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS SO I CAN SHOUT IT REALLY LOUDLY ON NATIONAL TV. Such an advanced spell... I truly am an excellent sorcerer.
THAT'S IT.
So, if you can't tell from the billboards of my face hung up all around in basically every city, I'm gonna be on TV! I'm a contestant on that space thing! Which is great because I deserve it more than anyone and I'm really funny and cool and smart and good looking and I'm gonna be naked and lighting things on fire and getting into fist fights and throwing drinks into people's faces like all the time so that everybody gives me attention and votes to keep me around or whatever. Get pumped! But also: I have some games we can play to celebrate? Consider this the second episode of my vlog I guess.
Game one: which of these are you? [ he holds his camera up to rEVEAL A WEREWOLF NAME QUIZ. he gives you about 2 seconds to look at the print out before he's moving on. ]
Game two: not actually a game! Tell me about things you want to see people do on TV so that I can do it. Literally anything. I'm not kidding. I'm going to be in space and I'm telling you right now I will literally do anything you tell me to do if it'll get me the attention I so sorely crave. Actually I guess this is the game in that whoever gives me the most ludicrous assignment wins? Haha. This feeling in my veins - what I once thought to be umbral, soulrendering dread - I now recognize as just super fun excitement.
Game three: TELL ME A SECRET ABOUT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS SO I CAN SHOUT IT REALLY LOUDLY ON NATIONAL TV. Such an advanced spell... I truly am an excellent sorcerer.
THAT'S IT.
video;
[ As you can see, he isn't...playing literally any of the games. Just gonna insult Odin forever. ]
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Besides, that was a genuinely pretty good burn, and guess what? I like people who are good and funny with their cool cool words! WE'RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BECOMING BEST FRIENDS!!!
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(Sorry Odin, I don't wanna die.)
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text
I don't want to survive a reptilian assassin just to die because Odin likes fire.
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alpha howler sounds like a monkey.
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I love you so much and your pure as freshly fallen snow personality.
I also can't really see you as alpha anything so I think there was a mistake? Here, hold on, I have a vampire one as well.
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video;
Also - looks like we're both going, bud! Get ready!
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I have a vampire one, too. And a mermaid one. But I care about this one the most, because I'm secretly trying to write a werewolf pack AU in which I'm the Alpha and I need to know how to refer to all my friends? It's that kind of day.
Also, I'm so excited!! WE'RE GONNA TEAR THAT PLACE APART. [ he pauses. he wonders if the network is an appropriate place to waggle his eyebrows. he waggles his eyebrows anyway. ]
video forever
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All our plans are gonna come to fruition! You can teach me how to WALK. I'M SO EXCITED TO LEARN HOW TO WALK!!!!!!!!!
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Hey, congrats bro!!! You're gonna be the first wizard in space!
...Don't forget to bring your dogs over.
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Text
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I-I'm not gonna see him for weeks. Is he gonna forget me?
Video + Text
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video; I'm sorry
[ Look, he's gonna be salty about someone running around with
kind of his name. ]There's no accounting for taste when it comes to that reality tv nonsense.
video; outstanding i love it
I know! I love getting picked for things! I'm so excited. Do you want my autograph? I bet you do. Just "Odin" written over a picture of me. Or signed all over your favourite thing! Or your bare but-appropriate-because-it's-for-comedy chest. Where do you want this holy, singular epithet scrawled? Just let me know!
video; I'm so glad
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[video]
[anyway.]
Please do not die in space.
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[ he folds his arms. ]
I'm totally gonna die in space. I'm calling it now. The epic finale of the show is gonna be me going crazy from cabin fever and trying to commandeer the ... satellite? Ship? Honestly, I wasn't paying attention to where I was gonna end up going. I just went all in.
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But Fierce Howler need not be so restricted to such base primalities! P... primalities? Yes. Primalities. Base primalities. Fierce Howler evokes an image of madness in my mind, an image of fear! You, O Howler, live with a sin that rages through your veins - an aching, terrifying blood, of sorrow, of regret. You know fury those of sound mind couldn't possibly understand. Your voice tears through you when you can no longer hold back! A BANSHEE-LIKE SCREECH THAT RENDERS YOUR ENEMY'S PANTS JUST SUPER DUPER WET. That's what you've got going for you. It's very cool. Very cool stuff.
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I DIDN'T SEE MY HTML FAIL SORRY LMAO
NO WORRIES, happens to the best of us
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[Hello fellow contestant.]
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[ Hm. Hm. Threatening. This is the girl that got totally murdered, right? He should be nice to her. He should be nice. He should, uh... ]
Peter said you seemed nice from what he knows of you and if you're not even letting me throw a drink in your face I think he was totally lying.
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"Your mother's maiden name and the name of your first pet" are common security questions for websites all over the internet. Doing those "games" is a good way to get your accounts hacked.
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[ Odin has no idea what "phishing" is. He barely has a grasp on the words "accounts" and "hacked", honestly. He's very close to loudly proclaiming that he once caught an eel that was, like, way bigger than his head, but context tells him that this... this is a different kind of fishing. ]
That-- yes. Yes, I am aware. I, Odin Dark, am the phisher. I'm phishing. I'm getting everyone's names and information in order... to. Uh. Steeeal annnn identityyyy?
[ his voice just goes right on up like he's asking for reassurance that he totally got it right. ]
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text; dh4z3
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text; dh4z3
diversify, yo
get plastic surgery on the air
bring a tiny ass moped and piss on the floor while you're driving it around
toss your drink at every singe person on the show AT LEAST once
get a dui
hot tub hookup on the air
fake your grandma's death for sympathy points
put semen in a cow
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> threadjacks hello
boi
up to no good
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[ Video ]
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[ a l o n g p a u s e ]
So, do you have any?
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Anyway! Hostile takeover of the ship two thirds of the way through the season. Audiences go mad for a plot twist.
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[ he z-snaps to get his point across, but more importantly, that vampire comment... ]
Um, hostile takeover sounds perfect and it's definitely going to happen, but - are you really a vampire? Lithe, elegant, immortal, in-touch-with-his-femininity-but-only-in-an-androgynous-way-that's-by-it's-very-nature-appealing-to-women? Because if so, you totally need to turn me into one. Right now.
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