Video; open to Action for Nonah #03 residents

[wizzardly]

[This is not Rincewind's first attempt at accessing the network. Shamefully, it's not even his fourth attempt, even after all the helpful advice (which he smiled brightly through and nodded at and didn't listen to at all). Obviously he's managed to get the unfamiliar technology to finally work for him though, as that's definitely his sullen face coming across the imPort channels. He's on the floor of his new room, his back against his bed and his arm slung over a large wooden chest. His broad-brimmed hat proclaims him to be a 'Wizzard'.

He is also, quite obviously, very drunk.]

Right. I think we can all agree that this is absolutely mad, right? And not even - not even all these things that are going 'round doing stuff without any sort of magic or tiny imps painting pictures inside them, that's not even what I'm talking about here, that part I could almost like, since it seems somewhat sensible, the principle of it. ...Although it still isn't, is it, because there's apparently all these powers and such, which totally throws that whole thing about being sensible right out the window. And being handed out like meat-pies or something too, with no thought as to who's getting them. M'sure that's not something that's going to blow up in anyone's face, is it? Probably literally, if I had my guess.

...Right, where was I going with this?

[there's a pause as Rincewind casts about for the tenuous line of focus that brought him here in the first place, and which he's sure to be appropriately horrified he followed when he sobers up tomorrow.

Apparently he finds it again, and slaps his hand (the one not currently holding a bottle of wine) on the wooden trunk for emphasis. The chest lifts its lid some, in grumpy protest.] - Heroes! Heroes, that's what I was getting at - this whole business about people being fished out of their own perfectly good - well, okay, mostly good. Somewhat. ...At least familiar worlds, and then being asked to - to - to do what? Be a hero? I've met heroes, you know, quite more than I'd have liked, and do you know what heroes are?

Dangerous, that's what. [firmly.] Dangerous, utterly reckless madmen, that's what heroes are. People who have as much trouble realizing why you shouldn't go barreling into dark caves full of horrible monsters to get the gold, or rescue the girl, as they do recognizing a good thing when they have it. Which is living. ...Which they risk. ...To be heroes.

But you know the most important thing about them? [he continues, fervently] The most important thing about heroes is that - ! Well, it's that - !

...It's that I'm not one.

[Rincewind quiets, and swipes the sleeve of his robe across his nose with a miserable, dry sniff. He frowns, sighs.] Not that it matters, I suppose. Not that it ever matters.

Comments

video

[rathercommon]

[ On the whole, she agrees with this sentiment. Generally speaking. Though there is one thing she takes big exception to. ]

Excuse me. Rescue the girl? Why has the act of rescuing always got to be so gendered? In my experience, it's boys who need rescuing just as much - if not more - than girls do. But always repetition of that stupid trope of, oh, damsels in distress, damsels in distress. That's what's bloody stupid. And socially irresponsible.

permavideo

[wizzardly]

[he's still a little startled to see someone else actually peering back at him from this thing, but with enough wine swimmingly contently through his blood he shrugs it off easily enough.]

I'm not saying they're the only ones. [with a more literal shrug.] I know there's plenty of times I could have done with a bit of rescuing. And did. ...Which honestly sometimes made things worse, but anyway. But it's hardly traditional, is it? Doesn't really sell the whole business on the sort to take up hero-ing, if they think all they've got to look forward to is some bloke like me tied to an altar.

[he pauses, then adds gloomily:] I know I'd probably walk by, seeing me up there.

voice;

[angelfire]

[ Oh look, entertainment. He can only really talk to him by voice, since he's a little bit held up at the moment, but this is a topic he can get behind. ]

You're absolutely right, of course. Heroes are lethal, most especially to themselves, but also to any expendable person who happens to be close to them.

voice;

[wizzardly]

Yes, gods, what is so hard about that for people to believe?

[he takes another drink, shaking his head with a snarl.] You look at the sort of person whose job it is to swing a big sword or axe or whatever around at people all day, and you don't stop to think 'Oh, maybe I better stand back from this sort of person, since it seems they're quite good at killing people, and they don't seem to ask the people they're killing just how involved they were.'

[mightthinkthat]

[ Kitty, Kitty, he's drunk. He's not going to remember this conversation. Any of them. Also. No one cares. ]

Well, don't be. I shall write it down for you. 'Not a hero'. [ To his credit? Francis actually does this. Not on any official document, but hey, he does have useless bits of paper around so. ] There you go.

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind squints his eyes in suspicion.]

...Does that actually mean something here, or are you just being a bastard?

video

[glitterateur]

[All Mabel gets out of that long speech of his is that he probably doesn't actually know what a hero is. Or maybe he's just seriously lacking in confidence! Or... both.]

Aw, c'mon! Being a hero's not that bad! Or that hard. I bet you could do it!

video

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind frowns. Peers.

...Oh. She's a child. That explains a lot.]

Oh yes, I'm rather sure I could. [sarcastically.] For about, oh... three hours, if I want to be generous. Then I could be a dead hero.

video;

[brushoff]

Some of manage to be dangerous, utterly reckless madmen without being heroes, [ said all too cavalierly. ]

And don't worry. The majority of people here aren't heroes to begin with, they're simply people who make vain attempts at heroism.

video;

[wizzardly]

I hope you didn't think that was supposed to make a positive case of some kind. [dryly, fixing Dorian with a look.] I'm not much for dangerous madmen in general, whatever they call themselves. I've an intolerance. Call it an allergy.

That's how they all start. The ones that don't die right off, anyway.

[ video ]

[enucleation]

You don't have to be a hero. A lot of people aren't, it's just a title they insist on slapping on us.

But danger will happen even if you don't want to be a hero. You can't really run from that here.

[ video ]

[wizzardly]

Danger finding you is one thing, but going looking for it like it's some cat you're trying to tempt into a saucer of milk is another altogether.

Anyway, [firmly, but brightly] you would be amazed how many things you can run from if you just try hard enough.

voice;

[sassguard]

Congratulations? On deciding you aren't a hero. Some people take a lot longer to make up their mind.

[ The rest of that rambling, slightly hectic speech, Shepard's not even going to touch. However, he does add, mostly out of idle curiosity: ]

How much of that wine have you had?

permavideo

[wizzardly]

Seems a fairly simple choice to me. Why, did you struggle with it?

[Rincewind considers this next question seriously, eyeing the near-empty bottle. There's a long consideration.] ...Not nearly enough yet, but I'm getting there.

[action]

[lightandglory]

[L'Arachel watches the video, but doesn't bother to reply over the network; there's no need, when she can just stroll down the hallway and do so in person. Which she does at once.

She stops right outside Rincewind's bedroom door--she won't enter unless invited in--and addresses him in a no-nonsense tone of voice.]

Are you quite finished bemoaning your fate now?

[action]

[wizzardly]

[there's a long pause from inside.]

...That depends entirely on whether you're going to try and take my wine from me.

[and then, almost cheerfully:]

But no, probably not. Bemoaning my fate is one of the few things I'm rather practiced in; I've gotten good at it. ...You can come in, if you want.

[since he does currently have The Luggage next to him for protection, and the voice on the other side doesn't sound threatening yet.]

[bindsthedead]

People who run off into danger for money aren't heroes, they're mercenaries. Or treasure hunters, I suppose.

But if the monsters are a threat, someone has to deal with them.

[wizzardly]

...Or barbarians, or adventurers, or heroes. Really it's all one big umbrella. Being a hero in and of itself isn't exactly a paid position, is it? Picking up a bag of gold from an evil empire or two is about the only problem I don't have with heroes, honestly.

And I'm not saying someone shouldn't. Even madmen have their place in the world, obviously, or they wouldn't be here to begin with. But I think it's a bit absurd to think it isn't mad to look at a giant monster you know wants to have you for breakfast, and then run at it instead of away.

VOICE;

[triangleman]

Sounding pretty sure of yourself there, buddy! Haven't you ever heard that everything happens for a reason? Maybe you just gotta... Y'know. Look inside yourself for the heroism, or something.

Have you tried your abdominal cavity? I could always help you check if it's there! Nestled inbetween your organs, I imagine. Courage is a surprisingly shy quality.

permavideo

[wizzardly]

Oh sure, everything happens for a reason. The reason just happens to be chaos. [sourly.] ...And Fate being a bastard, of course.

[That sour expression shifts to something more horrified at the suggestion. He can practically feel his own organs curl in on themselves in terror.] Look in - ? Gods, no. A person's insides are supposed to stay in there, that's why they aren't on the outside to begin with, all right? There's no room in there for heroism, I promise you, it's all been taken up with self-preservation.

voice;

[slightlyoffchilt]

I want to publicly be on the record that self-medicating is ill-advised.

voice;

[wizzardly]

I don't think it's medicinal 'til you get to the second bottle. [with some forced cheerfulness] 'Course if you hang on just a moment, I do think I'll get there.

[video]

[ignitethestars]

If you aren't a hero then do you consider yourself a villain?

[video]

[wizzardly]

...I did think I made it rather clear I've got no time for dangerous madmen, didn't I? It's not like you've got to be one or the other, they're not the only two occupations in the universe.

[cuff]

What's it to you if people wanna go running into burning buildings? Not like you've gotta sign up for the business.

[wizzardly]

Well, you know, heroism has a lot of... lot of advertisements out there. Lot of people saying how wonderful and noble it is without getting into the gritty details. Informed consent, that's very important to me. [cheekily, giving a wide gesture.]

Anyway, that is eventually the point, isn't it? Getting us all signed up, or else we lose all these lovely perks and things.

[text]

[royalcodsman]

The whole point of heroes is that they do what no one else will, even if that means putting everything on the line! It's not about being a suicidal glory hog. They're out trying to protect people!

permavideo

[wizzardly]

Oh sure, that's what they say. Wouldn't be very heroic if they didn't. They've got good advertising, I'll grant you, but when it comes down to it, most heroes are out to make a name for themselves. They're thrill-seekers.

VIDEO

[protagerrant]

There are a lot of reasons to go into a cave full of monsters, it doesn't have anything to do with being a hero.

[Says Yuri Lowell, who goes into caves full of monsters all the time, and is Definitely Not a Hero]

VIDEO

[wizzardly]

Name two.